need some emotional support :(

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by MissMooMoo, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. MissMooMoo

    MissMooMoo Well-Known Member

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    Hi Ladies,

    It was confirmed yesterday that my grandad (who I am really close too) has bladder cancer and nothing can be done. He has been ill in hospital for the last 8 weeks so in my heart I new it was coming but it is still a shock. He is now well enough to come home and be with his family instead of the hospital. He is still 'with it completely' and has all his marbles and can walk etc. I coulc be weeks but more likely months, none of the doctors know.

    I am devestated and am worried how this could affect my baby. I feel guilty as I am so excited counting the weeks untill our little one arrives but at the same time feel guilty as it means less time of him being around. I feel I should be around my family who all live close but this only upsets me more. My mum keeps telling me to put me, DH and baby first as we have waited so long for this but I cant hold back the tears. I hear so many horror stories about how cancer effects you at the end and am dreading this. I have never lost anyone before (even though I am sure that dont make it any easier), I know he is old (85) and these things happen and there are people who have to deal with far worse situations.

    It feels just so cruel, as a time when we should be excited is being taken over by this horrid disease.

    Thanks for listening

    xxx
     
  2. leahsbabybump

    leahsbabybump Mummy to 3

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    :hugs::hugs: oh hunny im so sorry you have to go through this at such a special time :cry:
    my nan died of lung cancer only weeks after i announced i was pregnant i felt so awful towards the rest of the family trying to be happy for the baby :-/
    i really dont know what to say hun other than try and make sure your looking after you body for your baby and its ok to be upset :cry::cry:

    loads and loads of :hugs: for you xx
     
  3. Shell999

    Shell999 Mummy to two under two!

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    Poor you. I had this last year with my grandad. He was given 2 months and lived almost a year. It was awful of course when he died as he missed my wedding :-(
    All you can do is talk to him loads, visit and support him. There's nothing wrong with looking forward to your baby too- in fact you'll prob find he'll want to listen to your plans etc- my grandad was like that with my wedding.
    So sorry for you, just take your time dealing with it, and look after yourself too! Xxx
     
  4. MissMooMoo

    MissMooMoo Well-Known Member

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    Thanks and very sorry for your loss too :hugs: , its good you got to tell her you was expecting, I am just hoping he will be around for the baby but I am not getting my hopes up. He only lives a minute away so at least I will get to see him a lot.

    xxx
     
  5. soontobemom

    soontobemom Mom to Emily and Jacob xx

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    i am so sorry to read this, thinking of you and your family at this time. it doesn't matter what age your grandad is, it is still a shock. better off to let it out, rather than keep it in.

    sending loads of hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  6. Lettuce

    Lettuce Getting better at this...

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    :hugs: sorry about your grandad. It's always hard when you get news like that. I have no advice apart from spending as much time as possible with him, and sharing all you can.
    Please don't think the last few months of his life will be terrible, with the right support and medication it can be comfortable and easier for family and friends. Get in touch with McMillan and the hospices, they really know their stuff on palliative care. They are their to support everyone, not just the patient. Be gentle with yourself, and don't let anyone dictate to you what you should be doing and feeling! Everyone deals with these things differently. :hugs: xxx
     
  7. CharlieP

    CharlieP Mum to Charlie

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    I'm sorry to hear you are going through this - especially so late into your pregnancy.

    I lost my 2 grandma's , 1 grandpa and my step-grandma to cancer (my step grnadma to bladder cancer), so I know what you're going through.

    Just remember to look after yourself and keep thinking that your grandad would want you to stay safe and well - hopefully he'll get to meet his great grandchild (my grandpa did and loved it).

    I know its hard but try to concentrate on the positives of spending time with him now and making this time very special for him.

    Hugs to you. xxx
     
  8. MissMooMoo

    MissMooMoo Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, likewise sorry for your loss too :hugs: I am sure he was at your wedding, just watching from above! x

    He is the one person in our family who is normally right in his boy/girl predictions and he has already predicted a boy so at least I have got that out of him :laugh2: only 10 ish weeks to find out if he is right!

    xxx
     
  9. Lawhra

    Lawhra NowProudMumOfTwo!!

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    Aw I'm so sorry :hugs:

    I can understand how you feel as my grandma who was a third parent to me and helped raise my sisters and I died of lung cancer that spread to her brain at the age of 71.
    When she was first diagnosed I kept waiting for them to start treatment. They never did. She was sent home to die in the comfort of her own home and had Macmillan nurses come round.
    It is so hard to accept they are dying.
    The fact you are having a baby makes it harder, but your mum is right. Don't feel guilty about how you get through this, no way is right or wrong, you have to do what is right for you and your family.
    Your baby will be fine, they are well protected in there.
    I hope your grandad doesn't suffer and you get as many months as possible with him being 'with it'.
     
  10. MummyinJune

    MummyinJune Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: Im sorry this is happinin to u, I dont no much to say but im sure ur granda wouldnt want him to make u upset at such a spesh time. Cancer is a horrible thing my granda passed with it last year (As he lives in Spain i never got to see him but heard how ill he acted and looked) so i understand also how this would make u worse. Im sure ur granda would love to be visited anyway and always reminded that hes got a great grandchild on the way! it might boost him. i think its that thats kept my OH's granda here as hes been ill and in hosp and care 4 more than a year but i think hes holding on to c the baby (also my OHS sis just had a baby 3 months ago so 2 c hers 2) Docs arnt normally that good at given lenghs of time anyway and could be well off. ur best just to enjoy the time u have left with him also - but also enjoy ur preg i think ur granda would feel awful if he thought he was makin u so upset threw preg! I know it is completley diff but if it makes any diff i have lost 4 pets threw my preg so far :| but im just making sure i write evreything down as it happens, make sure u take lots of pics of ur granda and u 2gether and all that so when ur LO is all grown up he/she can see how amazing he was. sorry if i wasnt much help and hope u and ur granda do fine :hugs:
     
  11. MissMooMoo

    MissMooMoo Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all your replies, I am so sorry for everyone who has lost someone.

    Mummy in June - Losing pets is not different at all, my cats are my babies (although they might be packing there cases and moving out once baby arrives and they get kicked out the bedroom! they wont know what has hit them!)

    I made sure when we got married a couple of years ago I had pictures done of just me and my grandad and grandma, lets just hope I manage to get a picture of him and little cob, I am hoping ti keeps him going. He has already told my grandma if he doesnt make it to make sure my little one gets its £100 of premium bonds (bless!)

    Thanks again for everyones words of support. I am trying to pull myself together so I can go see him this afternoon, I know if he sees me upset he will feel guilty.

    xxx
     

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