Need some support

[dncr1010p]

Why do I feel like I"m the only one whose not pregnant yet? 3 of my sister-in-law's are pregnant, a co-worker whose my age and has endometrioses and thought she'd never have kids, my excerise instructor, and 2 close friends. WHY!! Why does everyone else have to be pregnant when I want it SO badly. I don't have anyone I can really talk to. I don't want to go to my SIL'S who are pregnant because they just wont understand. All my friends have kids and I'm sure don't want to hear my sob story. The only people I can really talk to is my husband and mom. They both know how badly I want to be pregnant and just tell me " It'll happen" but I want it to happen asap.

I stopped taking bc end of Feb. I told my hubby that I wanted to get pregnant in May, and I was SO sure I would..well obviously not and I never should've said that because I got really upset when my period started the 1st of June. I tried charting with my May cycle and I think it made it worse on me. Because I'd wake up, temp and be thinking about BFP all day long. So I'm no temping this cycle, not going to do anything but TRY my hardest to not think about it..watch I don't think is going to happen.

My co-worker who is pregnant sits right in front of me and she constantly is looking at baby websites all day, its heartbreaking to me. I'm jealous and I hate that I let it get to me so badly. I'm one of those people when I want something, I want it now and don't want to wait..but with this I have no choice but to wait until it happens.

One of my SIL's just got married last sunday and is 4 months along, I couldn't talk to or stand to look at her when I first found out..especially since she knew how bad I wanted this and she "accidently" forgot to take her bc and winds up pregnant just like that. Then she tells me how badly she didn't want to be pregnant but I don't realy believe she means that.

I just don't know what to do? I want to find some kind of project so when O get's closer I won't think so much about it. But I know I can't realy keep myself from planning when to bd. Speaking of planning bd..that I had to stop the 1st month we started trying. My husband got under so much pressure from me giving him tmi on when we needed to bd. I felt bad so I quit doing that asap. But he's not one to want a lot of bd time. We do like twice a week and I read online that when TTC it should be everyday or every other day. I don't know how to get more bd time in around O.

Sorry for the long post I just need some advice on what I should do to make this month a less stressful month.

 

[wantanerd]

If you want to keep your mind off of stuff, a hobby is good. While I was ovulating last week, I went crazy and finished my wedding scrapbook after three years. I also played Lego Pirates of the Caribbean which kept my mind off things.

With the bding, I usually have wine in the house or some form of alcohol just so the both of us can relax a little. We don't get drunk but a drink does help and it helps us not focus we are bding to have a baby.

In order to keep my sanity this month, I researched everything I could be doing (I have PCOS so TTC has been a long road) to help me conceive. I started eating better and exercising to make sure I was in good shape. It helped take my mind off of everything as well.

I would try the opk's as well. It will at least give you an idea when you are ovulating so you can concentrate bding. It may help.

Good luck! And don't get down! It will happen to you!

 

[Silly_SBC82]

I will have to agree with you that TTC is probably the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. This is how I think about it - most things in life you have control over or can work REALLY hard at a goal to achieve it. This one thing you just have to wait it out and realize that it will happen when and how it is meant to.

I went off of BC In January and we started TTC in March. I really didn't understand how everything worked until last month when I was thinking "well why isn't this working." I too feel like everyone around me is pregnant and gets pregnant at the blink of an eye. My best friend just had two beautiful twins that she conceived the first month. Trust me when I tell you that they are not doing it to hurt you. Although it is impossible to not want that for yourself, you need to find it in you to be happy for them and not resentful. Also, another thing......this whole process is stressful and I have realized that when I talk to my DH about EVERYTHING I am going through he feels like i am being obsessive over it. That is part of the reason I joined this site, so that I had a forum to vent to or share ideas with and ALL of these girls know exactly what I am going through......It makes you not feel so alone.

Good luck TTC - just wanted to throw out some words of encouragement and let you know that you are not alone. We all know this is frustrating. One thing that really helps me when I am down in the dumps is going back and looking at old TTC threads on here. The girls from a year ago were posting these same types of frustration posts....and guess what.....most are expecting or have given birth. There is hope!

 

[AllisonH]

I will have to agree with you that TTC is probably the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. This is how I think about it - most things in life you have control over or can work REALLY hard at a goal to achieve it. This one thing you just have to wait it out and realize that it will happen when and how it is meant to.

I went off of BC In January and we started TTC in March. I really didn't understand how everything worked until last month when I was thinking "well why isn't this working." I too feel like everyone around me is pregnant and gets pregnant at the blink of an eye. My best friend just had two beautiful twins that she conceived the first month. Trust me when I tell you that they are not doing it to hurt you. Although it is impossible to not want that for yourself, you need to find it in you to be happy for them and not resentful. Also, another thing......this whole process is stressful and I have realized that when I talk to my DH about EVERYTHING I am going through he feels like i am being obsessive over it. That is part of the reason I joined this site, so that I had a forum to vent to or share ideas with and ALL of these girls know exactly what I am going through......It makes you not feel so alone.

Good luck TTC - just wanted to throw out some words of encouragement and let you know that you are not alone. We all know this is frustrating. One thing that really helps me when I am down in the dumps is going back and looking at old TTC threads on here. The girls from a year ago were posting these same types of frustration posts....and guess what.....most are expecting or have given birth. There is hope!

Yes, I agree with your statement about sharing EVERYTHING with your DH. Honestly, I don't share my anxiety about TTC with him at all b/c I dont' want him to realize how psycho I am about it! I am just as worried, anxious, and impatient about ttc as everyone else. As soon as I want something, I get it. I am very goal oriented and have accomplished everything I've set my mind to. That is why ttc has been hard for me...because it forces me to let mother nature decide when things are supposed to happen. I'm not religious by any means, but I say the 'serenity' prayer often: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can...and the wisdom to know the difference."
So--We need to accept the things we cannot change (conception timing) the courage to change the things we can (anxiety, fear, resentments, and impatience) and the wisdom to know the difference!!

Keep yourself busy, learn about your body, and try change what you can!!

 

[ourfate]

you may feel like you dont have anyone to talk o who understand, but now you do!! i have been ttc 8 months almost, and all these wonderful ladies are the ones who get me through it!!! sure i can talk to my mom or DH but they dont really understand as much. it will be hard to keep your mind off it, im not as bad but sometimes i get really sad about it. but i hope you get your really soon hun!!! good luck!

 

[Missclarabel]

I think that's some wise advice from the other ladies.
I too don't really have anyone to talk to as none of my friends even have partners at the minute (we are all approaching 30,) so can't complain about my fears of never conceiving when they haven't even met the right guy yet and might freak them out worse!
My sis is younger and hubby will realise I'm a mental case if I told him the truth!!

Which is why this forum is so amazing. You are certainly not alone and we all feel the same, and can help each other out at low times.

You must relax as stress isn't good for your body. Def OPK so you know you've hit the ight time, and enjoy it! This is an exciting time when anything is possible. Dont give up hope, and lik was said before - next year someone will read this thread and see we hav all had our BFP!!

Xx

 

[Cara89]

I know this feeling too well. It seems like once you get into TTC a few months everyone else around you is announcing the news of their BFPs and you just want to scream or curl up in a hole for a few days. It was tough for me at first too. I am super glad that I found this forum since it give all of us women (and some men) the opportunity to connect with others who are either currently experiencing, or have experienced the same or similar struggles.

Like Silly said, just try and be happy for them. At some point your roles may be reversed, and you wouldn't want them to be resenting you since you finally got your bfp would you? I had a friend who jumped around a lot then got a bfp, and ended up dumping the FOB. I won't lie, when I found out she was pg... I resented her. Quite a bit. DF & I had been TTC for a year and she wasn't even with that guy for 2 wks when she got pg. Now I've gotten over it and am super happy about it because, even though it wasn't something that she planned (unless it was and she was just lying to us all about it), she is super excited about her little baby boy and can't wait for him to arrive.

I am the same - no patients at all, but there really isn't much we can do. It's going to happen when it happens.

& Fx'd that yours comes sooner than you realize!!

 

[aquaria6]

Vent away. I have plenty of times on B&B. Everyone here understands where you are coming from and are probably experiencing the very same thing.

For me, my two best friends are both pregnant with nearly identical due dates. We had all planned on doing this together, and they are leaving me in the dust though I began ttc months before they did. One had two boys already, and the other after one cycle with a guy she's been with for mere months after one cycle (on a whim).

It is a horrible way to feel, but we can't help it. FX we all get our BFPs very soon.

 

[kimberly17]

I definately agree with the ladies here. We have all felt this way at one point or another. Some of us go thru this every time the shows up.
I keep telling myself that everytime I get a then I am now even closer to getting my
It's all about staying positive!

 

[dncr1010p]

Thank you ladies so much for all the support. It seriously helps a ton! Now that I'm here I know I can post my feelings, questions and any concerns I have. Instead of going to DH. As much as he says it doesn't bother him when I talk about it, I know it really does. And probably stresses him out even more.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who automatically get's jealous over other pregnant ladies. I really try not to, but it's like a normal reaction. BUT I am working on that and getting better at it..for now. I'm sure it'll come back when my SIL's find out what they are having...


A couple of you said to try OPK's. When should I start them? And I've read to take them twice a day to make sure I see a surge and not miss it. My only concerns are that I wont be able to tell a difference in the lines if they are positive or not. And if they do show positive trying to get BD in. I'll feel like it'll be planned and then DH wont want to, then I'll get upset..

Trying to stay positive!!

 

[Silly_SBC82]

Do you have a fairly regular cycle? If so, how long is it typically? I would say to start using OPK's around Day 10 and continue until you get a positive. I got mine for pretty cheap on early-pregnancy-test.com - You don't have to tell your DH that you are using them.....Just say "oh I am going to the bathroom". When you get your positive then just seduce him.......I am kidding, kind of...

I too had some of the same issues you do with telling your DH. It is hard not to be excited about it and if I know i am ovulating at a certain time then it is hard to not want to BD all around that time. He feels like it is pressure and bla bla bla. Anyways - my advice is to talk openly with him about it. This is how I explained it to my husband....There are 6 days where you are fertile each month, a girl ovulates and if the egg meets your swimmer in that timeframe than it works, and if not then the witch visits. So in order to get the end result we want (a baby), then we need to put in more effort at the right time. I think it kind of clicked for him. Most men don't really know A LOT about a women's cycle unless they have been educated by one. So as you are learning you can share things with him. And if you feel like that back fires then you can just come on this website and VENT.

Another great website is fertilityfriend.com. They have TONS of information on there about trying to get pregnant, your cycle, and how everything works. Another resource would be books (if you are into reading) - I have heard great things about "Taking Charge of Your Fertility", although I have never read it.

Good luck with everything - and just know that most of the women on here are going through the same struggles as you. We can all help each other.

 

[dncr1010p]

Before I got on bc my cycles were 36 days. Then durring bc they went to 28 days. I quit bc in feb. So my March cycle went wack and was 36 days, then April's went to 28 days, and May/June was 36 days. So I don't think I can say that my cycle's are 36 days because I havn't had enough consistency with them since I've only been off the pill for a few months.

I did tell him a little about only having a small window to get pregnant but I don't think it really sank in. I'll have to use your explanation and then maybe it'll click with him too!! Thanks!

I love reading, I wonder if my library has that book! Ha..I'm going to check.

 

[Silly_SBC82]

If you buy the OPK's there is a little chart in there that tells you to take your shortest cycle in the last three months (so 28 days for you) and then tells you which day to start them on - I think it would be most likely around day 10. Dont get too discouraged with the wackyness of your cycle just coming off of BC. Mine was a mess for a few months too. It just needs to adjust back to normal.

 

[dncr1010p]

Thanks for the advice! My library does have that book! So I've got it on hold to go pick up!