Need to have 'the talk' with boyfriend -any advice??

[cerena]

Despite being together for over 7 years, my partner and I still haven't really discussed children. The only thing I've heard from him is that he feels awkward round 'other people's kids' but when I took a pregnancy test last week (had forgotten my pill a few times, just wanted to make sure) and it was negative, he made a sad face, and not a sarcastic one either!

Anyway, I've been soooooo broody over the last year, particularly obsessive over the last few months and feel like it needs to be discussed but am SCARED that he is going to turn round and say he doesn't want kids for another few years at least (he is 26, I'm 25) He has all these plans to invest in the stock market and build an investment property portfolio over the next year or two. All I can think about are BABIES!!

Do I keep quiet? I have stopped taking my pill, mainly because I'm fed up of the side effects, but do feel it's a bit cruel not to tell him that.

Can you girls give me some advice?

 

[Shady_R]

Sit him down and talk to him hun. Ask him how he feels about trying for a baby, if he was sad about your test, then maybe its time for a baby. If you dont tell him you have stopped taking the pill and he finds out later on, he could end up very resentful or even that he was trapped. Im sure thats not what you want to happen. Good luck hun. For me and the oh it was a taboo subject, even now 4 kids later lol, but we know what we both want now after a few years and kids togethere lol.

 

[dragonhawk]

I agree, definitely sit him down and talk to him. You don't need to do anything special, just ask to chat to him briefly. If you are broody at the moment, then I suspect he will already have been asking himself the same or similar questions. So he should have been pre-warned that this may come up in conversation soon.

But I would do this sooner rather than later. DH and I spoke about NTNP and I said that my pill was not really agreeing with my body, after being on oral BCP for so long (12+years) but I would understand he he wanted me to investigate other methods of BC, if family thoughts had not crossed his mind.

So, basically because he doesn't like having decisions forced on him, that's how come we're now NTNP. Good luck, but I suggest you do this soon....

 

[leanne4stars]

i agree bring it up in convo, rather sooner than later x worst thing you want happen is him to feel trapped and run in opposite direction x m ost men get scared when you're wanting a baby but i've always done the 'we'll not try nor prevent, if it happens it happens' then theres no ?????? i cnt think of the word????????? lol baby brain moment but i'm sure you know what i mean :0/ x good luck x

 

[RaspberryK]

We had the talk recently, he always knew I was broody and I knew he wanted kids at some point and then we got our house which made me worse and we always said after we had a house that it would be the time. So I had a left over test in a drawer and he said, oh have you got something to tell me and I said no,why would you like me to be pregnant and he said he would. So I said well why dont we see if we can afford it and finish the pills I have and then ntnp.
I wouldn't trick him, it could end badly.
Best of luck, if you think you're ready to have children you should be ready to discuss your feelings.

x

 

[sarah5690]

i think u do need to talk to him its better that way u never know he might surprise u and say he feels the same way good luck hun xxx

 

[Shady_R]

Hey how are things. Did you have the talk. Hope you have and it went well.

 

[dragonhawk]

Quite, did you manage to have the conversation with him?

 

[cerena]

Hi guys, thanks for the advice!

We did have the talk last night but it was at 4am after a huge night out! He said it was very sweet of me (I think I got a bit emotional and started crying) and that I shouldn't be ashamed about it like I was. I told him I thought he was focused on getting into property and starting a business etc but he said that's not related to starting a family. Now unfortunately that's as far as my memory will take me (can't remember if he actually AGREED to try), but I did wake up this morning and asked him if he remembered last nights conversation and he said yes - so that's good!
Also discussed marriage as we attended an engagement party and I was upset that they had only been going out 1 year and we have been seeing each other over 7 and still no proposal but I fully take the blame for that after telling him for years I didn't want to get married because of everything that's happened with my mum (nasty divorces)
He said he has sensed a change of my opinions about marriage but then shushed me and wouldn't discuss it any further with a smile on his face, so who knows, maybe he will ask soon!! He's off to the UK on a 4 week holiday in October, this will be the longest time we've ever spent apart. We spent just 1 week apart this year and missed each other soooooo much, so I hope this trip will get him thinking!

So glad that's one thing off my mind. Now I guess we will be NTNP
Excited!!

 

[Shady_R]

Thats great hun. All is looking up. Oh there could be an engagement shout soon then, hope so hun. Glad things are going well for you now.

 

[RaspberryK]

That's great news x