Need to let it all out...whether I am accepted or not

Discussion in 'TTC After A Loss' started by momandwife, Jun 3, 2011.

  1. momandwife

    momandwife Well-Known Member

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    Well ladies, GOd has put it on my heart to tell my story... so whether anyone respects me for it or losses all respect I must follow my spirit


    I am a 26yo female and I got pregnant (unintended) at 17yo by a man I shouldnt have gotten pregnant by. I was with him for quite a while, but I was young and unexperienced and should have waited. I struggled and survived, and now have a beautiful 7 year old daughter.

    I have been with the same man for 5 years now. (not her father) I got pregnant about 31/2 years ago and we were still dating, seriously but had some problems and issues we were going through. He had a child that was 2 and I was financially unstable. I wanted to have another child, but was so scared about being with someone who didn't want what I wanted, and he was pretty adamant about not having the child and I felt very pressured. Needless to say, I did the unthinkable.

    Not a single day has gone by that I don't regret my decision. Now later on, I am TTC and have found out I have endometriosis, and am in fear that I wont ever have another child. I have prayed, and repented from this horrible sin and vowed given the chance I will never take for granted what a blessing it is to be able to conceive and carry a child. I have never cried so hard in all my life, and still wake up having nightmares all the time.


    My story is just to say that I know how many people out there try and beg and pray to have children. I, was one who took this ability for granted. I hope God can forgive my mistakes and look inside my heart to know I am truly utterly and deeply sorry for what I have done and give me another chance. MY OH and I both agree this is the WORST thing we have EVER done in life.

    I hope no one hates me after this... and realizes that I am trying to overcome my mistakes by being honest about them..

    God bless everyone
     
  2. anna_marie

    anna_marie ttc after loss <3

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    No one should be here to judge. It was a decision that you regret. God isn't holding anything against you. He's a very forgiving man. And I'm sure he understands you truely regret it. :flower:
     
  3. jamhs

    jamhs Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for all the pain that you are feeling right now in your life. I think that God will have forgiven you, and you need to start forgiving yourself too. No one here can judge you, we never walked in your shoes. Take care and hugs!
     
  4. lauraemily17

    lauraemily17 Mummy to 2 boys

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    It must have taken a lot of courage to write that and that alone deserves huge respect. I have a relative who did the same & now regrets it. I'll say the same thing to you as I did to her. You did what was right for you at the time, yes looking back now you may regret it but unfortunately we can't see what will happen in the future. If I had have known the trials I was going to have TTC I would have started trying a lot earlier.

    I hope you find the strength to get through this and you are not unfairly judged. :hugs:
     
  5. mummymarsh

    mummymarsh NTNP with earth baby #2

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    not judged at all... hard and heartbreaking deicsion you had to make... xxxx
     
  6. Faith2781

    Faith2781 Well-Known Member

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    Not judging at all, it must have been a heartbreaking decision at the time. Take care x
     
  7. momandwife

    momandwife Well-Known Member

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    You all have been amazing.... Prayers go out to all you ladies and I cannot thank you enough for your support and love... What an amazing place this is that we can all come together and support eachother with no prejudice in our hearts... I had to get this off my chest... and I felt like God was instructing me to do so..... Thank you from the bottom of my heart ladies... <3 <3 <3:cry::hugs:
     
  8. Mrs. October

    Mrs. October Praying for my rainbow

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    I am so sorry that you are carrying around such a huge burden of guilt. The first step to forgiveness is truly forgiving yourself. I am sure that if in your heart you are sorry for what happened then God knows and sees that. At my church there is this prayer we pray that says "If we confess our sins God is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness". My prayers are with you and I hope that you WILL be successful in having the child you and your OH so desperately want. Good luck.
     
  9. Brookegarrett

    Brookegarrett Well-Known Member

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    I am not here to judge. U did what u thought was best fr u at tha time. I am sorry for the pain that u carry around and pray u may conceive again
     
  10. mlyn26

    mlyn26 Mummy to Isaac & Jasmine

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    It is awful that you feel so much guilt. You should look into counselling for it if you continue to struggle. No one has any right to judge you, You did what you thought and felt best at that time in your life. x
     
  11. kiki04

    kiki04 A girl can dream....

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    Honey no one is here to judge... we are a support system for ttc after a loss... no matter how that loss occurred. I agree with the PP that the first step to forgiveness is forgiving yourself.... I pray once you do that, you will be blessed with another wonderful child to love :hugs:
     
  12. ZoMo

    ZoMo Well-Known Member

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    Please stop punishing yourself, you made a very difficult decision that was what was right for you at the time. It is easy to look back and regret but at the time you saw that you may lose your relationship or face years of hardship alone had you had your baby, there is no crystal ball to say what position you would be in now had you chosen that path, those fears may have come true. Dont beat yourself up now over a heartbreaking decision you had to take. Nobody should judge you for doing what you had to do at the time for the best for yourself and your family.
     
  13. ali...cat

    ali...cat Well-Known Member

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    I agree with all of the ladies here. No one can judge. It was a decision that you made at the time and we can all wish we had done things differently in our past. You have been very brave in telling your story and I hope that you can learn to forgive yourself x
     

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