Need to remember she's his as well

[Sparky0207]

I seem to forget that Lucy has two parents. I am so protective of her and hardly let my OH (or anyone else for that matter) do anything with her. Shes been poorly the last few days and hasnt slept very well so ive been shattered. Yet when my OH offers to look after her so I can get some sleep, I cant sleep for worrying about her!
Whenever he changes her nappy I have to check hes done it right and even if he walks out of the room with her I have to follow him. We're starting to bicker over it because he feels like he cant do anything right and as though I dont trust him with her and I desperatly want to stop my behaviour before any big arguments start.
Im breastfeeding her and love the fact that only I can feed her but I know he is feeling left out. I find myself constantly saying things like 'watch her head' and 'dont do that' when hes got her. He said this morning that I need to remember shes got two parents, shes not just mine, but as awful as it sounds I do think of her as mine, rather than ours. Help!

 

[Sarah88]

No advice sorry but hope u figure something out!

 

[Vickie]

I'm afraid I don't have any advice either, I didn't really have this problem but I was so tired and in so much pain after her birth that Stan did a lot of the work. Yes we still bickered (I think most new parents do--the lack of sleep plus the stress and worry makes for a tense situation) but I did trust him with Hannah, always have.

 

[Samantha675]

I was the same way at first with my son, and I think it is quite normal. You just gotta learn to let go, and allow him to do things his way. Trust me, it is hard, and there are still times, when I don't want to hand my son over or just hate the way my DH does things, but as you said she belongs to him as well. It also gets easier as they get a bit bigger, my DH now handles much of Bren's bedtime routine, and I think that helps him feel more involved.

 

[ricschick]

first let me say great choice of name, great minds think alike!
just try to remember he loves her just as much as you and has her best interests at heart and just try to hold back before saying anything that may come across badly. he has to learn what she likes and dislikes.

 

[ladymilly]

oh hun i know how you feel. i hate anyone else holding Jack. i keep watching when someone else is holding him, not so much my OH though. today he brought Jack to the school to collect the girls and i stayed at home. its the first time ive left him. i hated it. i couldn't wait for him to come back and he was only gone about an hour.
when he is holding him though i do say to him to mind his head and stuff like that which he hates. i feel awful after ive said it

 

[Sarah88]

I personally don't have that problem... I feel horrible coz I think I should not want anyone else to hold her but I don't mind... I'm hoping it's coz i'm proud of her.

 

[Serene123]

I felt like this, it does get better!

 

[Sparky0207]

Thanks girls, im glad im not the only one whos feeling/felt like this! Hope it gets better in time

 

[clairebear]

i was the same now im so greatful for any help from dh x

 

[sam's mum]

I was exactly the same! It does get better quite quickly, don't worry. Tell him it's normal and not because you don't trust him with her x

 

[shanegem]

I'm ok with other people holding her etc, although I panic if they don't hold her right. She tends to throw herself back alot and I panic if whoever is holding her hasn't got a hand on her back or are holding her so she cant do it. I hope you get it sorted, I dont know about your other half, but mine is really laid back and doesnt worry about the things I do which can make me really protective over her.

 

[Mamafy]

Yep I was like this, very much so; so much so that I fed her every feed for her first 6 months I wouldnt mind oh holding her or doing her nappy and I never said anything but inside I was thinking 'hes gonna drop her, yes he is, yes he is' I bit my lip for fear of putting him off bonding with her, oh wasnt comfortable feeding a teeny bubs anyway so I was happy

It does get better though

 

[Flower]

I feel a bit like this too, yesterday for instance LO didn't sleep/settle all day, & I was feeling very frustrated, yet when OH came home I still didn't want to hand LO over!

I think its only natural, I feel of most with my step kid tho, so now I leave the room & do some housework when they are cuddling LO as I get wound up otherwise!

 

[Carolyn]

i was exactly the same and i was makin oh miserable with my comments...so

i bit my tongue and said nothing whenever he held her!!
i/we gave him some tasks that only he did, so i do feeding, he does all nappies, walks, bedtimes etc
the best thing was bigging him up when visitors come round...try it and watch him grow!!!! 'she loves it when daddy..' 'daddy's the best one to..' etc.

 

[mommytashaX2]

Don't worry about it! I think it's perfectly natural to feel the way that you do because you have been carrying around this precious being for 9 months and now that she's here, all you want to do is protect her and make sure that she is properly taken care of.

I had the same issue at first as well.. I was just so nervous to let anyone hold him (including OH) and as much as I loved when he helped, I just felt so worried when he wasn't in my care. I think the breaking point came when I had a driving class to go to a few weeks ago and I had to leave Jaedan at home with OH for 6 hours. I was so nervous. But when I came home he was happy and smiling and Daddy had just given him a bath on his own (for the first time!) and then I realized that I could relax and that he was just as capable of taking care of him and loving him as I was.

Your baby is still young, so you might feel like this for a bit longer. But as she gets older and she doesn't seem that 'fragile' to you anymore, you'll be able to let go and let your husband be the father he needs to be. I hope everything gets better soon!