Need to Vent

[sandy299]

Hi Ladies!

First of all Happy Mother's day to all you mothers and for the rest of us we will be mothers someday. It probably seems far away for some of us like it does me, but it will go fast and be here before we know it.

Now that I got that out of the way, I need to vent. Here is what happened at work on Friday.

We were sitting with a claims processor who was experienced. The gals next to us were talking about kids. She asked me if I had any kids and I said no. She asked me how old I was and I told her 32. So then she made comments about why I didn’t have kids. I thought it was quite rude. My dh said I should tell them that we’re sending our kids to Catholic school and that is why we are waiting. I guess it seems everyone at work had their kids young and I know it’s none of their business but when they find out I’ve been married 6 years and no kids they tend to look at me funny. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does.

Like at work we have two pregnant girls. They both are not married and the one girl is 21 and having baby #2. They are both pretty much flat broke and it bad financial situations. I've heard them talk about it. They don't wear maternity clothes and wear these tight tops with their bellies showing and it is gross. It makes me wonder why am I being responsible when these people have babies and aren't and then we end up paying for it? It doesn't seem fair does it? I know they are at least working but if she was saying she was on food stamps and medicaid then they obviously can't afford it. I don't know if the fathers are involved or if they are single mothers.

Also, I found out one of my bridesmaids from my wedding is pregnant and I am pretty sure another friend as well. I was on her myspace page and there was nothing there but a friend made a comment she should post a blog about a new addition. That can only mean one thing since she already has a dog. It's not a huge deal since they lived in Texas and I haven't talked to her since we moved from Texas. But I guess I should just get used to the fact I am going to be the last one out of my friends who gets pregnant. I don't know why it bothers me. It's not like it's a competiton but it's so hard to watch when your're not and you want to be so desperately. Even though I know it is better to be waiting until 2009 and I am working at least a year before we have a baby. It doesn't make it any easier. I promised dh not to say anything so if he finds out and it is for sure I will be like whatever everyone is going to be pregnant before me so what attitude. I don't want him to think it bothers me even if it does. It just kills me that most of these friends have been married after us. Of course most people don't wait 6 years before having a baby either. I know we have our reasons and one of them is we've moved 3 times since we've been married. It's hard to get established and have a family since that has been the case.

Sorry I had to vent so I don't say anything to dh. I have to keep a positive attitude around him and pretend I don't know anything. I promised I wasn't going to say anything until we talk about ttc in January and so far I am keeping my promise. But, it's only been a week. Luckily I am busy at work so I don't think about it very much. Of course lately I have been giving myself reasons of why I'm glad I don't have children yet. I've been doing that so it makes the wait easier. I know we are going to ttc in 2009 somtime. I'd like it earlier but if we can afford to go on a vacation I am willing to pospone it until August or Sept.

Sorry about my vent I just had to tell someone. I hope you ladies have a great of what is left of the weekend.

Sandy

 

[Alchemist]

i totally understand. and i am also the last - but i realise its not a race. I also get the questions. tonight a family friend put his hand on my tummy and asked when he could expect an announcement. so i said to him, geez gimme some time. i'm not a dog, i need some romancing..... was funny actually. just try joke about it and try not let it get to you

 

[littletrisket]

I will you too . We were planning on TTC in september but i am having some really diffecult time with anxiety and IBS so I'm seeingsome new doctors that are avising me to wait another year and I too understand it's not a race but it seems all the younger wives are having babbies and my tickers is clicking badly for a baby of my own .

 

[Vickie]

Honestly I think you need to open up to your husband about your feelings. I know it's hard as it doesn't seem he's ready to have kids right now, but you can't keep this bottled up. Maybe if the two of you can sit down and talk you can set a time frame in which you would like to start trying--maybe earlier than 2009. I know that my DH was scared when I first brought up the idea of having kids, and we had a lot of talks about it.........took him several months to get used to the idea and to feel ready to take that step.

 

[Alchemist]

I will you too . We were planning on TTC in september but i am having some really diffecult time with anxiety and IBS so I'm seeingsome new doctors that are avising me to wait another year and I too understand it's not a race but it seems all the younger wives are having babbies and my tickers is clicking badly for a baby of my own .

if you deal with anxiety the way i did (going on cipralex for 6 months) you can still TTC this year - just a thought. but when you are in treatment deal with the reasons you have anxiety...... its worth the journey - you want to be a strong mom ...good luck

 

[sandy299]

Vickie- I don't know if your post was meant for me or for littletrisket. But dh and I have a set date to talk about ttc in 2009. The reason we are not going to beforehand is mostly financial. I just started a new job in April and we are going to buy a house, buy a car and go on vacation and also save up $ before we ttc. I am thinking it will probably be mid 2009 but I am OK with it. But sometimes when I hear of friends getting pg I need to vent. I know it is best for us to wait. And dh and I had an agreement that I would not pressure him to ttc. He said that if I keep pressuring him he doesn't want kids with me at all and I don't want that. So I am going to keep my mouth shut until January. Every dh is different and you might have taken a different angle but I have talked to many women on here and other boards who have not said anything and their dhs' have come around. In fact he said he is ready but wants me to prove I am ready by not pressuring him and the money situation we need to take care of as well. I am not keeping it bottled up b/c I am on these boards and i have friends that I Can talk to about it with. He asked me to hold out my end of the deal by not pressuring him and that is the way he is and I respect him and want both of us to want him and don't want to pressure him into it. I have seen it happen way too many times on these boards. And I want him to want the baby from when I get the BFP.

littletrisket- I also have IBS and anxiety but I am not on meds. I have found a way to control it. It has gotten better as I have been older. I was diagnosed at 16. I was on Paxil from 2002-2006 but it made me gain a lot of weight so I went off it. I will have a talk with my dr about being pg even though it isn't a huge factor for me I still do get episodes and I need to know what to do if I get my episodes of IBS while pg. Luckily I haven't had many problems and I feel for you b/c I have been through it before and also my SIL can't ttc bc she had Chrohn's and that is even worse than IBS. The meds are stronger and you can't ttc at all and she never knows if she will ever be able to get pg. They might have to adopt.

Sandy

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Well, I was 20 when I found out I was preggo, on Medicaid (I'm a student and I couldn't yet get added to OH's insurance), I guess I was irresponsible. But luckily for you you don't have to pay for it anymore since I went into preterm labor my baby died.



And I don't mind since preggo bellies in tight shirts-I think they are cute.

once more

ETA: I know people who work 2-3 jobs but still don't make enough to afford anything besides Medicaid. Such irresponsible peopl! No wait that's ok b/c they are older. Mmmm hmmm!

 

[sandy299]

I wasn't saying everyone on medicaid is bad. But the way she made it sound was that she really didn't want to work this job and wanted to have people pay for her baby so she didn't have to. Also, if she wants to wear tight tops (outside of work) but I think it is unappropriate to see her belly button showing through at work. It's like if someone wears a tight top and has nothing but cleavage. Same thing...

 

[Alchemist]

Personally i agree...belly buttons at work - no no....imagine all the fat pot bellied men we'd have to deal with (had a meeting with one earlier and was wondering what someone does to get a belly like that - eeeew I know I am feeling craaaaazy today).

as for affording kids - do you ever??? the point is to give your family the best start (in all areas expecially love and discipline)

ps honeybunch - I think Sandy is just venting - everyone wants to say mean things when theu feel like that...

like on the weekend when i looked at pregnant cousin in law - felt like poking her tummy and saying you look fatter this time round....lol

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Okay then...

 

[porkpie1981]

I never think there is a right time to have a baby when it comes to money. I never seem to have any money but im wanting a another! I always seem to make ends met and my lo is plently and is well cared for. I think i would be 80 if i waited

 

[sandy299]

So today was interesting at work. There is this girl who was saying that she is trying to get pregnant. Until she said that her boyfriend doesn't know she is. Now somedays I wish I could get pregnant but I know I could never do that. One, I know he'd find out and when he did he'd be super mad and maybe even leave me, secondly I believe a relationship should be built on honesty and trust. So most of the ladies at work were pretty much putting me down for wanting to wait and saying we'll never be financially ready. Yea, I know that is the case but we have our reasons for waiting. And I don't think I should be put down for not having a baby before 25. There are a lot of women who wait until their 30's and older. My dh knows of two people he works with they had their first at 38 and 40. I think it should be a personal decision. So that kind of peed me off. It wasn't all of them but a few including a lady who I'd say she was in her 50's and had kids in her mid 20's she said. It just seems at my job that a lot of the women have children earlier than I'm used to. My dh said b/c a lot of them don't go to college and they get married and have kids. I'm not putting them down or any of you on here who have had kids early but I'm just saying I think that is why they don't understand me and why we have waited. They're used to getting married young and having kids young. Where as me and dh we went to college first, graduated, got jobs then got married (I was 26 and he was 25 ) and now we're finally thinking of starting a family at 32 and 30. Probably not until I am 33 or 34 and he's 31 or 32. I'm sure there are women who are in their 30's at work and are having their first but I just haven't met them yet. So...I was a little peed of after that but I'm OK now. After talking with my dh I then remember why we're waiting even though it's hard everytime I find out someone I know is pg. but for one thing I thought about a friend who her SIL is and is having a hard time. At least I will be before my SIL (if all goes well) since she can't get pg anytime soon due to her disease. I feel bad for her but at least I won't have to deal with the dissapointment of her getting pg before me like I have with my friends. Luckily most of my friends who are married already had kids or are pg now. And my baby will be the first in our family since my brother was born so it will be plenty spoiled. My auntsand uncles didn't have kids and dad was an only child.

Sandy

 

[flump1]

Just because someone has had kids young doesnt mean that they havent gone to college and uni before they have had them

 

[sandy299]

Flump 1- If you read my post, I said a lot of them don't go to college. I didn't mean that all of them don't. Yes, I know a lot don't but I know of quite a few that I work with who didn't go to college and came straight out of high school to work. We have a few who are 18, 19, 20 years of age who didn't.

Also...I also think that in most cases (NOT ALL) just so you don't misread my post women who are focused on their careers tend to have children later in life than those who aren't. I know for example my dad's cousin, his wife is an Executive at GE and they didn't have kids until their late 40's. Granted the adopted and I think the couldln't have biological children. Now he is a stay at home dad while she works. Now for me I haven't had much of a career b/c my husband works in TV and I have had to be bounced around from city to city so in my situation it is different and mostly ours is financial and us having to move 3 times since 2002. We wanted to wait until we got stable before starting a family. I don't feel it is fair to our children otherwise. I know of people who have moved( such as those in the military) and I know it isn't any fun when you have to move a lot. The kids make friends and have to leave them. My FIL had to do that. They moved 13 times when he was a kid.

We also have a good reason financially is we are sending our kids to catholic school and that isn't cheap. So we want to wait until we have some $ saved up for a nest egg in case one of us woudl lose our jobs and to get some other things done such as buy a car & house and take a vacation as well. So we are hoping to ttc soemtime in 2009 but it might be late rather than early. But, I am OK with it and even if I will be 33 or even 34 when we start trying. I know that me being married at 26 both of us wanted to wait until we were married at least 5 years and my dh was at least 30. So me being 2 years older than him I have to wait a bit longer. But I am not worried about not being able to have kids. My dr said after 35 but she said I should be fine. And the fact my mom had me at 33 and my brother at 36 my dr said that is a good sign too. My dr actually had her first at 34. I know for a fact I would not have been ready financially or emotionally in my 20's. I would have struggled. I knwo some of you do but I just loved being in my 20's going out with friends, my husband and having fun and not having to worry about it. I know now that I am older I also feel I am wiser and ready to start a family in the next year or so.



Sandy