Negative thoughts about myself

[Mummafrog]

Hiya lovelies,

I'm a very positive, calm person on the whole so don't get worried about me, but I've been having some really nasty thoughts about myself that I don't want to say out loud.

I'm very overweight but had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and home birth last time, I'm now pregnant again and even bigger this time but hopefully planning the same experience if all goes well.
But I've been so much sicker this time and the only things I've been able to eat are crap like cheese and bread and take outs and I was surviving on only drinking sprite for a while because water or vegetables made me instantly vomit. Thankfully the sickness is easing off and I'm going to cut out the fizz and slowly try to eat more and more veggies again. I eat very healthily normally and drink lots of water so it's made me feel like the worst mummy ever to be feeding the bean all this rubbish :'(
The other thing is last time I did lots of walking and light exercise and felt really proud of how well I was doing for the baby and this time every time I even try and tidy my living room I either start feeling sick or am sick and have to go back to bed!
I'm just sick of feeling fat, eating badly and lying in bed I feel so guilty and sure I'm going to get diabetes and not get my home birth and baby will be poorly and it's my fault etc etc..

I'm sorry I just needed to rant about my silly feelings, it made me cry to write it down. Love to you all xx

 

[vitriolic_vix]

Oh sweetie try not to beat yourself about it and please don't cry. Bean has everything it needs. I've done nothing but eat cheese and bread for weeks. I couldn't even drink water just diet lemonade and Fanta. I too haven't been able to workout. I usually train about 4x a week but haven't been able to do more than one a week since my 5th week and when I've tried I've puked. You're honestly not the only one to feel this way.

I too feel disgusting. I've put weight on already and promised myself that this time around I wouldn't as I put on a lot in my last pregnancy.

But I've decided, and as my husband keeps reminding me, we're doing our very best. Pregnancy and all of these hormones and worry is HARD. We're growing a human and if bread and cheese makes your sickness more bearable so that you can function daily then hell eat it.

 

[LoraLoo]

You are feeding your baby, that's the important part, you're baby will come to no harm because you e drank fizzy pop or eaten a few take always. The pop may not be the healthiest but it's keeping you hydrated and you need food for energy and to grow you're baby.
As for the exercise- youre 13 weeks and still feeling rubbish, you have the rest of the pregnancy to work in some gentle exercise once you're feeling more human!
please try and give yourself a little break x

 

[Symphony7]

Hun, I was feeling the same way until this last week at 18 almost 19 weeks. I have just started walking again. I did nothing but lie on the couch since October. I felt like it would never get better at 12 weeks, then 14 weeks...then started seeing a light at 16 weeks. Now I'm back to feeling well enough to resume normal life. Best thing I did was just accept that that was my life for a while, that I would just sleep until I felt ready to get up, eat whatever I could, and try not to think about it. It WILL get better, maybe not right now, but it will.

 

[xdxxtx]

I feel the same way. My pregnancy was unplanned, and my baby was 6 months old and just started weaning when I got pregnant. I didn't have any time whatsoever to lose the baby weight because I don't lose any weight - I even might gain 10 lbs - when nursing. So I feel terrible.

You're not alone. I think the most important thing is to get through the first trimester and keep reminding yourself about how hard your body is working. I also like to make a list of just 5 simple things that I need to get done in a day, and accomplishing them raises my self esteem and makes me feel useful. Having four kids, I do put SHOWER on my list because I do have to carve out 10 minutes for a shower, drying off and getting dressed (in my pajamas. I don't have that time during the day, so I shower at night). My list also usually includes "wipe down powder room," "make bed," "Clean kitchen for 10 minutes" and one task that varies by the day. In the earlier days of first tri, they were 5 minute tasks instead, but I did what I could and felt better about myself in the end.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

I've been trying to lose weight for years, but delicious food has usually won over all these years. Before I got pregnant, I would think to myself "Well, at least when I'm nourishing my body for 2, I'll get my shit together and won't eat so much junk", but that hasn't really been the case. I'm still eating chocolate and pizza and all that. Not all day, everyday, but still. And I've continued my workouts, but I've still already put some weight on.

I guess as long as we're taking our prenatal vitamins and getting at least enough calories, we shouldn't beat ourselves up too much. Tomorrow's a new day to make better choices.

 

[SonnyH]

I think try not to worry too much. I think it doesn't matter what size we are, most women worry about their weight! I'm know I do and still do in pregnancy but doing my best to ignore my concerns and acknowledge it's always possible to loose the weight once baby is here. Now is not the time to worry too much! I went from being an oober healthy eater and keen swimmer/runner to living off pretty much bland carbs until about week 14/15, when the sickness started to calm down. I ate nothing good for me! I did worry sometimes that baby couldn't possibly do well from my diet of crisps, bread, crackers and cheese but it's surprising how little they actually need. They'll take from you and make you feel rubbish quite happily! It took until week 20 for me to get back to normal eating and actually doing some activity. I sat on my sofa or at my desk with very little inbetween from late August - December! I've now started up some quick pace walking on my lunch breaks and aim to get back swimming shortly.

Hopefully you'll feel much better soon from the sickness and be able to keep as fit and healthy as you can do! Your little one will be just fine, as will you !

 

[Mummafrog]

I want to say thank you all for your reassuring and supportive words. I needed to know I wasn't the only one who couldn't be perfect with diet and exercise at the moment. You're completely right that baby will be okay and rather than wallowing in guilt I should be proud of myself for surviving through this horrendous first tri, it was so much worse than the first time. I'll admit there were times when I was so ill that I wasn't sure if I still wanted to be pregnant, but that has all passed now thankfully and it is much more manageable again.

I really enjoyed a salad yesterday and managed to drink pure water without being sick! It felt so good. I know I'll probably go up and down and have worse days and that's okay too.

I wish you all the best lovelies, I'm proud of all of us for doing what we can and have to for these little beans xx

 

[Beccaboop]

I'm the same I had hg and some weeks I havent been about to eat at all but now I'm in 2nd tri it's eased off enough that I can keep food down but I'm only eating rubbish and although I feel guilty about it I know it's better than when I couldn't eat at all and since I lost about 10 lb in the first few weeks I'm not worried I'm gaining too much weight just yet.

I plan on eating healthier when I can but atm I'm just happy I can eat!

Don't worry baby will get what he/she needs from you xxx

 

[Farmgirlalee]

Glad you are feeling better! I was so sick with my first that I was on the couch for 4 months. Eat right?! Ha! I was lucky if I ate 3 meals in a week. I ate ice cream when I could and some crackers and that was pretty much it! My daughter turned out amazing. She is bright, beautiful, talented and oh so funny. The doctor told me that our bodies are geared to give baby everything it needs and will rob from its self before hurting the baby. So it's okay. No harm done and you will do great! I haven't been Miss Exercise either but I hope to get more active as I feel better