New baby, loss and grief question

[Mahoghani]

I lost my little boy in September and we still haven't started trying again. I'm trying to lose weight and my OB suggested, since I am only 29, that we wait a few months. I think I'm waiting too, for his due date to pass. I feel almost like getting pregnant before he'd have been born is like forgetting him, rolling over his memory maybe. In honesty I wanted to get pregnant again immediately. I am still a little sad because it seems like everyone who lost a baby around when I did is pregnant again and looking to the future. But, I keep reminding myself that I didn't make this decision lightly and my time will come. In the mean time I'm trying to get myself healthy, both physically and mentally. And putting my memory box for Silver together one small piece at a time. On his birthday, or what would have been his birthday, we plan to name a star after him and buy our son a telescope so that he can see his brother's star in the sky. That helps for now.
And if I do get pregnant again, I think I'll feel like Silver is watching over him or her. Still part of our lives in some small way.

 

[Hopefulagain]

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet little baby, Silver. To be honest, I think that I'm going to feel a bit guilty for getting pregnant again regardless of when it happens for us, simply because there is a since of moving on. To add to it all, we only wanted two kids and assumed that Zoi would be our last. It is only because she did not survive that we are open to having another because we do want a sibling for our oldest daughter. Guilt is a strange thing...we will make it up even when illogical. In a way I feel that is replacing her. I'll feel bad for her for being "replaced" and bad for the new baby for being the "replacement". So I am choosing to not look at it from that perspective. If God chooses to sent us another baby, that as a total blessing. Maybe this child, the one that we would have never thought to have because three kids was never an option for us, is the one that God planned for us to raise and Zoi, was always His to raise.
As far as other people being pregnant, I completely understand that too. My due date is not until the end of April and I feel myself getting antsy to be pregnant again. When I feel that way I immediately remind myself that it has only been 8 weeks since I gave birth to Zoi...my time too will come. I decided that the best way for me to deal with it is to secretly, in my head because if I have learned anything from this horrible experience its that I control nothing, come up with a date that I would not be okay being pregnant before. Since I'm a teacher, I came up with a general summer vacation deadline. Now, if I see or hear of other people being pregnant I just remind myself that I would not want to be pregnant right now anyway so there is no need to feel sorry for myself.

 

[Mahoghani]

We talked originally about starting to try on Silver's would have been due date... When we were trying to conceieve him I never bothered with ovulation charts and all that stuff. I didn't want trying to get pregnant to be an ordeal. Just let it happen if it was going to happen. But tonight, out of curiousity and the need to be doing SOMETHING, started one online and found out, interestingly enough, that I should be ovulating on Silver's due date. I feel sort of like maybe that is a sign? Perhaps that's hopeful thinking... Going to talk to my husband about it this weekend.

 

[majored]

Hi im very sorry for your loss. Its a very hard thing to come to terms with and most never get over it.
I lost Samuel when I was nearly 19 weeks. I was shocked to be pregnant in the first place as the doctors informed my OH that we would need IVF to have a child. Then I had a few problems during the pregnancy but they didn't cause me to loose him. The cord had got tangled around his neck and for a long time I blamed myself for this. I classed myself as old and overweight. After loosing him I was concerned that this would of been the only chance of us having a baby. At first I wanted to try straight away but I was told to give it at least 3 months before we did. Well 3 months after I started having stomach problems which they believe is IBS due to the stress of all of this. So to me I knew if I had tried again I would be worrying even more about everything to do with the pregnancy and in turn causing more stomach problems.

Fast forward to now, well im 40 in August...still over weight....still worrying.... still having stomach problems. I would say if it feels right for you and you have the chance to try again go for it. By time I get myself sorted it will be too late for me. Having another child would not replace Samuel nothing would replace him but I do have a hole and I have the feeling that something is missing from my life and I think about all the things I would be doing now if I had him.

Talking and asking questions on here can help a lot, at the end of the day we can all help each other and give each other support.

All the best xx

 

[essie0828]

I think having Hayley helped me to heal. I was broken to the point that I wasn't functioning. Getting pregnant with her MADE me take care of myself and her. I had to eat for her, I had to sleep for her, had to get up outta bed and go to the doctor for her. And when she finally made it here, healthy, I finally felt love and warmth again. My heart was still broke but not destroyed. I'm thankful every min I get to spend with her.