Hi there. Good to find SOMEPLACE where I can (hopefully) find support. Because this "secondary infertility" stuff feels like it's for the birds. And nobody gets it either. This is what I hear "But you should be glad you have one!" or I hear "you don't have a fertility problem, you have a child!".
Well, something is not working right.
We had our DD back in the fall of 2006. We decided to get off of BC pills and waited 3 months to try for a baby. It took no time at all before we were pregnant. I want to say 2 months? No tests, no blood work, no waiting. Just got pregnant from lots of sex. I never read one bit of info on how to best make it happen. It just happened. And she was born healthy and it was awesome. Though the newborn phase didn't sit well with my PPD.
After that we thought we should space out our kids (always wanted to have 2 kids). We thought 3 or 4 years apart would be nice. So we got back on the BC pill. How I regret not just trying to start the process again then. If only. I know we aren't supposed to say "if". But I definitely feel guilty. Is that normal?
My 3 year old nephew was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor when DD was 1. We were very close with him. When his death was imminent, DH and I decided we DID want to go ahead and try for #2. So we ditched the BC pills. DD was 18 months then. But we never actually tried. Just sort of casually had sex here and there. 3 weeks before my dear nephew died, I believe I had a "chemical pregnancy" - positive tests, but then a several week late period. I hadn't even called my OB because we were dealing with the whole huge tragedy of my nephew. I believe that was my first miscarriage.
After he died I was in tremendous grief. We decided it was not a good time to get pregnant because of the horrible emotions. I didn't get back on the pill, but I charted my period start dates and end dates and we had sex around those times. And then - SURPRISE! I got pregnant 3 months after he died. DD was 2 weeks short of being 2 years old when I discovered the pregnancy. We had not been trying and it was such a surprise. So much so that I cursed when I saw the positive result on the test. Again, I feel so much guilt for doing this. Can't you hear my tears fall against the keyboard as you read this? (they are falling)
We announced to all my family at DD's 2 year old Bday party that we were expecting #2. We were 8 weeks along. I was sick, just as I was when I was pregnant with DD, so I thought that was a good sign. We have the big announcement on video. I wish we didn't. We had accepted the "accidental pregnancy" and had fallen in love with our little baby-to-be.
One week later I went to the OB for the first ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was all chatty but then said nothing mid-ultrasound. I knew it meant something was very wrong. It was. It was an empty sac. The baby had stopped developing early on and my body was going to miscarry soon. There had been a little spotting so I wasn't entirely surprised. But I was utterly heart broken.
After a D&C we waited a while to TTC. It was too painful to think about. 6 months later we began TTCing. For two months, we had sex every other day. And nothing. Then we had some stressful things happen - a job change, a move to another city, buying a home, etc. So we put off TTC for 5 months. My third regret. Why oh why didn't we just TRY.
Which brings us to the present day. I have now been TTC for 5 months. And got my AF yesterday for the 5th time. For the first time ever, I used OPK's this time and I suspected that my Luteal Phase was short. Like 8-10 days. So I went to my OB. He did bloodwork and everything was normal. He had me start charting my BBT.
Sure enough, the luteal phase was short.
So he tried me on a low dose of clomid, then had me come in 7 days after Ovulation to test projesterone. Said it was also normal. But still had the short Luteal phase. Last cycle he put me on progesterone 2 days post ovulation. And I finally had luteal phase 12 days long. BUT, the medicine made my arms, legs, feet & hands constantly feel numb - a pins and needles feeling. Ugh. And I got AF, so id didn't work.
We also found out that DH has a vericocele. Which can cause infertility too. He is getting a sperm count from a Urologist on July 21st. Why it takes SO LONG to get an appointment is beyond me. I hate waiting on appointments. Sometimes I want to call the doctors themselves and scream "we are talking about making a human life here! Make room for us on your schedule!"
The desperation is growing. DD is now 3 1/2. Everyone an their mother has asked me when we are having another. The asking has finally come to a stand still. I think there is a general assumption that something is wrong. Which feels awful.
I also feel awful for DD. She wants a "girl baby" so bad. She doesn't understand why EVERY ONE of her friends has a brother or sister. I dont' understand either. It seems like such a piece of cake to get pregnant for every one else. And it was for me too. Though I had to experience loss, we do have our one beautiful child. And I feel guilty too that she isn't "enough" for us. I also feel guilty that if we do get pregnant, they will be so far apart in age, they will never be playmates.
This is definitely one of the hardest things I've gone through in life. And having a miscarriage under my belt (and possibly 2) makes it worse because every time I get my period it's like a mini-miscarriage. I have a niece who would is 2 months younger than my miscarried baby would have been. It hurts to see her. It hurts when my DD prays every night for a "new baby". When she asks me when we will get one. It hurts when I keep seeing friends get pregnant, over and over again.
So... I know that was long, but I hope some of you understand. I would also appreciate advice. When should we start seeing a fertility doc? I've had 2 cycles taking Clomid, one of them taking progestrone too. Still have only seen my OB. Suggestions?
Well, something is not working right.
We had our DD back in the fall of 2006. We decided to get off of BC pills and waited 3 months to try for a baby. It took no time at all before we were pregnant. I want to say 2 months? No tests, no blood work, no waiting. Just got pregnant from lots of sex. I never read one bit of info on how to best make it happen. It just happened. And she was born healthy and it was awesome. Though the newborn phase didn't sit well with my PPD.
After that we thought we should space out our kids (always wanted to have 2 kids). We thought 3 or 4 years apart would be nice. So we got back on the BC pill. How I regret not just trying to start the process again then. If only. I know we aren't supposed to say "if". But I definitely feel guilty. Is that normal?My 3 year old nephew was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor when DD was 1. We were very close with him. When his death was imminent, DH and I decided we DID want to go ahead and try for #2. So we ditched the BC pills. DD was 18 months then. But we never actually tried. Just sort of casually had sex here and there. 3 weeks before my dear nephew died, I believe I had a "chemical pregnancy" - positive tests, but then a several week late period. I hadn't even called my OB because we were dealing with the whole huge tragedy of my nephew. I believe that was my first miscarriage.
After he died I was in tremendous grief. We decided it was not a good time to get pregnant because of the horrible emotions. I didn't get back on the pill, but I charted my period start dates and end dates and we had sex around those times. And then - SURPRISE! I got pregnant 3 months after he died. DD was 2 weeks short of being 2 years old when I discovered the pregnancy. We had not been trying and it was such a surprise. So much so that I cursed when I saw the positive result on the test. Again, I feel so much guilt for doing this. Can't you hear my tears fall against the keyboard as you read this? (they are falling)
We announced to all my family at DD's 2 year old Bday party that we were expecting #2. We were 8 weeks along. I was sick, just as I was when I was pregnant with DD, so I thought that was a good sign. We have the big announcement on video. I wish we didn't. We had accepted the "accidental pregnancy" and had fallen in love with our little baby-to-be.
One week later I went to the OB for the first ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was all chatty but then said nothing mid-ultrasound. I knew it meant something was very wrong. It was. It was an empty sac. The baby had stopped developing early on and my body was going to miscarry soon. There had been a little spotting so I wasn't entirely surprised. But I was utterly heart broken.
After a D&C we waited a while to TTC. It was too painful to think about. 6 months later we began TTCing. For two months, we had sex every other day. And nothing. Then we had some stressful things happen - a job change, a move to another city, buying a home, etc. So we put off TTC for 5 months. My third regret. Why oh why didn't we just TRY.
Which brings us to the present day. I have now been TTC for 5 months. And got my AF yesterday for the 5th time. For the first time ever, I used OPK's this time and I suspected that my Luteal Phase was short. Like 8-10 days. So I went to my OB. He did bloodwork and everything was normal. He had me start charting my BBT.
Sure enough, the luteal phase was short.
So he tried me on a low dose of clomid, then had me come in 7 days after Ovulation to test projesterone. Said it was also normal. But still had the short Luteal phase. Last cycle he put me on progesterone 2 days post ovulation. And I finally had luteal phase 12 days long. BUT, the medicine made my arms, legs, feet & hands constantly feel numb - a pins and needles feeling. Ugh. And I got AF, so id didn't work.
We also found out that DH has a vericocele. Which can cause infertility too. He is getting a sperm count from a Urologist on July 21st. Why it takes SO LONG to get an appointment is beyond me. I hate waiting on appointments. Sometimes I want to call the doctors themselves and scream "we are talking about making a human life here! Make room for us on your schedule!"
The desperation is growing. DD is now 3 1/2. Everyone an their mother has asked me when we are having another. The asking has finally come to a stand still. I think there is a general assumption that something is wrong. Which feels awful.
I also feel awful for DD. She wants a "girl baby" so bad. She doesn't understand why EVERY ONE of her friends has a brother or sister. I dont' understand either. It seems like such a piece of cake to get pregnant for every one else. And it was for me too. Though I had to experience loss, we do have our one beautiful child. And I feel guilty too that she isn't "enough" for us. I also feel guilty that if we do get pregnant, they will be so far apart in age, they will never be playmates.
This is definitely one of the hardest things I've gone through in life. And having a miscarriage under my belt (and possibly 2) makes it worse because every time I get my period it's like a mini-miscarriage. I have a niece who would is 2 months younger than my miscarried baby would have been. It hurts to see her. It hurts when my DD prays every night for a "new baby". When she asks me when we will get one. It hurts when I keep seeing friends get pregnant, over and over again.
So... I know that was long, but I hope some of you understand. I would also appreciate advice. When should we start seeing a fertility doc? I've had 2 cycles taking Clomid, one of them taking progestrone too. Still have only seen my OB. Suggestions?
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