New mom, PLEASE need advice! Feeling bad for Feeling Frustrated.

[Baby G]

Hello everyone I am a new mommy to a two week old baby boy. I decided long ago that when I had kids I did not believe it letting them "cry it out" I always said I'd be at my lil ones every beckon call. But it's getting really difficult and maybe I am not doing it right? Every time he cries I pick him up and cuddle him. I think we have a good bond going so far. He immediately quiets when I pick him up. And the moment I held him at birth he was crying and I looked in his eyes and said "Hi baby!" and he quieted down and didn't cry the rest of the time. He's a GREAT baby he only cries when he's hungry or wet, or simply wants to be held. Well I don't agree that you can spoil an infant this young. But my mom told me "he's spoiled, he stopped crying when you picked him up" I argued with her that the lil guy just needs love and security.

But... I can't be there to pick him up EVERY TIME. What do I do when I'm in the shower and he's screaming, or washing bottles, or something else where I have no hands free? Or sometimes I just need some "me time" I feel horrible when I feel frustrated with his crying. He's only a baby and I don't blame him at all. I'm just so tired and stressed out and every time he cries I run to him to cuddle him because I don't want to damage his little psyche.

Also he will not sleep in his bassinet and we really want him too. He currently will only sleep in his vibrating bouncer seat (the lounge chair ones) I have put him down in the bassinet a few times but he always screams. Am I just going to have to let him scream for a minute or what should I do?

 

[mommyof3co]

Don't beat yourself up

You are right, he is def not spoiled like your mom seems to think. We also do not believe in CIO/CC. To avoid those situations of him crying say when I was in the bath, so neither of us got stressed, he bathed with me. It actually made for a really good bonding time, he absolutely loved being in the big bath with me, would nurse then, it was probably his best feed of the day I think because he was so relaxed and comfortable.

I did try and set one naptime aside for doing the cleaning, the rest I would sleep too or just relax so I wouldn't be so stressed when he was back up. But also that way as soon as I got him down for a nap I'd do the cleaning stuff I needed to before he woke back up. If that didn't work out he went in the carrier, I had my hands free but he was with me like he wanted to be.

I really can't help with getting him to sleep in his bassinet as we believe in cosleeping at that age. My oldest didn't like to cosleep and he just slept on his own so it was never an issue. But I'm sure the other ladies will have some advice for you. The only thing I can think, and I can't say for sure it will work for his age, but when we were moving Hayden to his own bed from cosleeping and also for naps when I wasn't going to sleep with him I'd nurse him almost to sleep, give him his pacifier and then lay him down. When he was younger and cosleeping I would lay with him on the bed, nurse him until almost asleep and then give him his paci and I'd move back just a bit so he wasn't right against me so he'd actually be falling asleep on his own without me holding/touching him but I was right there and then when he was asleep I'd get up and do whatever I needed

 

[chuck]

its early days dont worry, it took me a good couple months to get Dewi to sleep in his crib and then he wouldnt go all night. Now he'll go down in his cot and most nights stay there but he still ends up with me sometimes lol. Just persevere with putting him down in the bassinet when he's sleeping and try putting him in in while he's awake so he can get used to the idea that its not a scary place to be. If he cries pick him up but put hin down when he's settled...lather rinse repeat...it can take a while.

Just remember right now you cant spoil them and they wont form bad habits yet - but you might do, I found it really quite difficult not to let Dewi fall asleep on me as I had for so long but he's really quite good in his cot now!

Have you tried getting a carrier/sling to keep babba with you but leave your hands free to do jobs? I found mine great for those first 2 months to let me get on with things.

as for me time i still barely get any but it does get easier, do you have a partner or any help? I would wait for hubby to get in and then go have a self indulgent bath that took well over an hour.

You'll get used to your babies habits soon and be able to pick a sleep that you think will last a good half hour or more to be able to hava shower or more importantly grab a nap!

 

[Maffie]

Firstly you are getting to your baby when tey need you. I found when I needed to do stuff I popped Noah in a moby wrap. That way he was snuggled in but I could still go make lunch etc.

I dont think you can spoil a child by giving them attention, they only have crying as communication at such a young age.

 

[Lu28]

I agree with everything the others have said hon. The only thing I'd add is that if you would like LO to sleep in the basket, it might be worth trying warming the mattress first with a hot water bottle so he's not going from the warmth of your body to a relatively cold mattress. Might help

 

[MummyKaya]

He's only two weeks old. You sound like you're doing really well. It took me agesssss to get a routine and some sort of normality back. He's six months old now and life is pretty much back to normal. You just adapt in time
The first six weeks are always hard as everyone is getting used to this big change. It's totally normal that he doesn't like his crib, kaiden absolutely hated his Moses basket so we co slept from 2weeks old. By the time he was two months old he was ready for his cot, the change was easy, I'd been dreading it but he adapted fine. Admittedly he normally comes back into our bed around 4-5am, but we don't mind we love morning cuddles
You sound like an excellent mum, just remember we all felt like you felt but in time you will progress on and find a routine that suits you x

You could also try putting your pillowcase/t shirt in his cot so it has your soothing and familiar scent.

 

[enola]

You're doing so well and your little one is so blessed to have such a caring mummy
I totally agree with what the other ladies have said. To me it sounds as though your baby might settle with movement? Daniel is like this and sleeps really well in the car or when being carried in a sling/carrier/arms...for the same reason I've now got a rocking chair to save my legs! He co-sleeps with us when he chooses to, but often we are shunned in preference of the Amby hammock which, again, moves! I bathe and nurse in the bath now mostly, too, and then hand him to my husband who takes him up to bed whilst I finish my hair in the shower Hope you find something that works for you

 

[KarrierBag]

Agree with what everyone else has said hun! You sound like you're doing a great job!

As for the sleeping situation, I say let him sleep in the bouncy chair if that's where he'll settle! He'll get to the point where he doesn't want to sleep in it any longer! I had the same problem with Ava, she wouldn't sleep anywhere other than her bouncy chair but she's just turned 7 weeks now and for the last two nights has been going down in her cot no problem! I asked my midwife and health visitor about sleeping in the chair and they said it's fine.

Hope that helps a little bit!

xx

 

[KarrierBag]

Forgot to say, I did keep trying her in her cot for naps and bedtime though, she'd only stick it for 10 mins maximum but two nights ago she slept properly in it

Good luck!

xx

 

[Baby G]

Thanks so much for the advice ladies!!! I have tried having him sleep in bed with me the first few nights but it's just entirely unsafe. Our bed is really high and I am all over the place when I sleep. It went well the first couple times... but one night I woke up and his head was facing the foot of the bed!!! I don't know how he got turned around but it scared the crap out of me as you can imagine. When his daddy goes to work I do put the baby on that side of the bed, we have a sleep positioner that keeps the baby in place so he can't roll. And then there is plenty of room in the bed for the two of us. But there's just not enough for 3.

We do have a baby bjorn carrier, he has been in once. I tried to put him in it tonight, but we had a real bad fussy night tonight. I guess his tummy was upset. But I had to swaddle him and give him a pacifier and hold him on my chest and sing to him for about an hour before he went to sleep! Poor lil guy!

 

[mommyof3co]

What about a cosleeper? That attaches to the bed but he's protected in his own space but he's still close by? Something like the Arm's Reach ones?

I would think about getting a diff carrier, those bjorn and other front carriers are terrible for your back and not that great for baby either. I would think of getting a mei tai, wrap or sling. It's easier to carry them in there for longer times and they are usually closer to you and more comfy.

 

[Baby G]

My dad bought us the bassinet new as a gift. We wanted an arms reach co-sleeper but none of the stores near us carried them. And my dad wouldn't order online. So we got a regular bassinet. As far as the wraps, slings I saw a report on my local news about a lot of safety recalls on them.

 

[Lisa1302]

My dad bought us the bassinet new as a gift. We wanted an arms reach co-sleeper but none of the stores near us carried them. And my dad wouldn't order online. So we got a regular bassinet. As far as the wraps, slings I saw a report on my local news about a lot of safety recalls on them.

the report about the slings/baby deaths was one particular design which everyone who uses slings agrees was an awful design anyway and not surprised they are considered dangerous - however there are hundreds of perfectly safe pouches and slings to choose from.

I have a pouch and a ring sling and I think they would both work well with a young baby - I had the bjorn carrier and never liked it as much as I like my slings

 

[chuck]

I use the close parent carrier...its kinda like a moby wrap but easier on the tying/wrapping element as it used rings to adjust. But baby is still held against your chest so the are comforted but they are nice and snug so you have both hands free...plus they arent squashed up at all.

 

[wannabewillow]

It sounds to me as though you're doing a fabulous job! Me and DH found Harvey Karp's work really helpful, he suggests that there's actually a 4th trimester that babies go through and that they need to be nurtured and cuddled etc. As for bathing/showering etc, when my LO was weeks old, I used to wait till DH got home from work, then have my shower/really long bath because, like you I never felt confident enough to do so in case LO woke up/needed attention. It was only when she had a cold at 12 weeks, a friend suggested I put her in her bouncy chair in the bathroom whilst I showered to clear her snufflyness. I was terrified that she would fuss at the thought of being put down in a chair, but I kept singing/talking to her and she was fine. I just make sure she's got a clean bum and a full tum before I go in. Now that she's babbling, we have great songtimes in the echoey bathroom, if she fusses, it takes seconds to jump out the shower, grab a towel, give her a quick cuddle and jump back in. Some things have changed though, my showers are quicker than they used to be. What I'm trying to say is don't worry, it's very early days and things do become more manageable as you work them out. As for slings and such like, I tend to swear by my Moby. Mairi even slept in it the other day whilst I went out with her and voted (I was surprised they let her in the polling booth with me)!

Good luck, keep up the good work!

Joanne x

 

[Baby G]

Thanks everyone. I'm coping a bit better and not getting as stressed out. His favorite thing is definitely being with me and I love that.

 

[chuck]

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better...I wont say things get easier quickly but they do change and mostly for the better!

Slowly babba will learn to be a little more relaxed and find pleasure in things other than being snuggled by you but nothing will ever be as good as a cuddle with Mum.

 

[OmiOmen]

My son is just over a week old and also only cries when wet, hungry or needs a cuddle but he would never settle in his cot as he sleeps on me or DH in the day and is not a fan of his bouncer. I started swaddling him on a night instead of under the blankets and he is sleeping unbelievably well now. If your don't swaddle him already that might be worth a try? My little man also cries in the bath or at changing times but I don't feel too bad about that. I had a c-section so am not supposed to be doing much yet but when I will be doing little jobs like cleaning the house I intend to use a bay carrier so he will still be close to me.

As for people saying your spoiling your LO just ignore them, he is your son not theirs! Personally I find it a bit unnatural that some people don't want their baby with them all the time and don't want to spend their time looking at them. You had a baby so you may as well enjoy their company.