New to thread would like some advice please :(

[JamieRose1994]

Please don't judge..

I know that people are going to judge me and give me back lash on this one but here it is my big secret that I haven't really told anyone, I want a baby. Know I know that doesn't seem to be a big secret but the secret part is my bf doesn't know.

My boyfriend doesn't know that every month I hope my period doesn't come and that I'm pregnant. Now this is about to go a bit into to much info but I have never been on birth control and we don't use condoms, our only birth control is me tracking my periods and him most the time pulling out. i say most the time because he doesn't pull out the first few time after my period end or before my period begins.

We have been having sex like this for about a year. Now I know it's not likely for me to get pregnant like this since he pulls out when I'm on my ovulation week, he also has a low sex drive due to stress. Now my issue lady's is if I was ever to tell him I wanted to start trying to have a baby he would stress out and have little to no sex drive making it almost impossible for me to get pregnant.

Should I try without telling him or should I just leave it the way it is and hope that my hopeless situation turns in my favor?

 

[Angel_blues]

I would talk to him about having kids. Ask him if he wants kids and go from there. I wouldn't do it without telling him, that would be selfish. Remember; children are for life, you and he will have that responsibility for ever.

 

[victoria1987]

No judgement here, just some insight from a mum of a 5 month old.

Babies are hard. People always say it and before I had DS I never really got it, just kind of brushed it off thinking "yeah of course they are hard but how hard can it really be if people have been doing it for all human history."

The answer is: bloody difficult. Parenthood WITH my fully on board and supportive husband is harder than I could have ever imagined. DS was planned and wanted, we were ready. University done, owned our own home, DH has a great job, financially comfortable, happy marriage and great family support. It still has put intense pressure on our relationship.

My whole point is that getting pregnant without both people 100% ready is asking for trouble. If he isn't ready, the stresses of parenthood might be too much for the relationship. This can happen to anyone but if one partner wasn't ready for a baby it is probably much more likely.

Talk to your BF. If he tells you that he is not ready and doesn't want a baby right now, you should probably accept that unless you are prepared for the chance of being a single mother. If he says no, ask him what steps you need to take for him to be ready. More savings? Own a home? Just more time? Then set goals to get to where he is comfortable. If you can't have an open conversation about starting a family, your communication issues will make parenthood together so much harder.

 

[AP]

You know, theres no harm in you telling him how in reality you'd hope your period doesnt come. But I can see why you wouldnt want to stress him too. But an unplanned pregnancy could be so much harder.

However theres too much vagueness in this part of your relationship - does he know your chosen birth control method isnt foolproof? What would you do if it fell through? Its important to have that discussion. Perhaps that would lead the way to finding out what he wants, without coming outright with "I'd like a baby" ykwim? good luck x