NMA or reality?

[readyformore]

Which is it?
Is it pessimism when I think that another baby might not be in the picture?
Or am I being realistic?

I certaintly never thought that when I decided to ttc, I would come out on the other end without another pregnancy.

Why don't we ever mention that we might not have these babies that we want so much? Are we afraid to talk about it?

It's a cold hard fact, but nobody seems to bring it up. We talk about the disappointment of the monthly AF, but not the bleak truth, that it may never happen. Even my RE said to me when I was only 24, "The success rate for IUI is 15-20%. That means that for most people, they won't get pregnant." I was shocked, then so appreciative of the truth. I feel it can keep me grounded.

I recognize that it might not happen for me. Frankly, I'm tired of acting like we are all going to get what we want. That's not to say that I'm full of PMA, we know that I am not.

I just feel like we are side-stepping the reality. . . . .that it might not happen.

Maybe I am just a hater of false hope.


(This is posted after reading several of my subscribed threads where the previous posters are now pregnant.)

 

[dachsundmom]

I think you bring up a very good point.

Reality changes the longer you've been at this, IMO.

I don't remember the last time I really thought it could happen for me; it's not that I don't have hope, but calling it hope sounds trite.

How about, I have a desire to be successful at TTC, but realistically, I know the odds are stacked against me.

It's weird though, I have my own form of PMA for everyone else....

Including you!

 

[sarahincanada]

Ive definitely been thinking about this....I am now taking a month off, then its IVF and I will only try about 3 cycles of that....so Im very near the end! I have been thinking what if nothing happens, and recently talked to my hubby about that too.

I think its different when you dont have any children at all....Im not saying it isnt hard when you want another, I know its hard regardless of how many you have....just that when you are going to be completely childless thats quite a different reality.

But I have thought about a childless life, full of travel and less responsibilites. We can be great a great aunty/uncle. I asked my husband that if it doesnt happen will he want to run off with a younger woman (he is 29) and he said I was silly, that I was his 'be all and end all, not a baby'.

I hope we will all be celebrating some day

 

[Indigo77]

Boo!

 

[readyformore]

There is a stigma attached to being childless....not to mention the 'pity' often extended and always resented. Do you see how this divides us even here? Anyway, I hope you will all have your babies one way or another.

Not exactly the direction I had planned for this thread. That's just a different topic entirely, one of which I'm tired of justifying myself.
That's not to say that I don't see your point though. Even though I "had plenty of time" (that was my least favorite quote) I still struggled with infertility with #1. And I remember it. It was horrible.

 

[dachsundmom]

There is a stigma attached to being childless....not to mention the 'pity' often extended and always resented. Do you see how this divides us even here? Anyway, I hope you will all have your babies one way or another.

Totally! And I think it's worse if it's a woman who has more than one and is struggling to add to a litter.

It sucks...on the one hand, we have the issue of being childless, on the other hand, there's the reality of knowing your body worked at one time and now, for whatever reason, it has decided to quit.

I would love for my DH to have a child of his own; DD is basically his, but he missed 7 years of her life. I'd like him to have the chance to do it from the beginning.

But, I really don't think it's going to happen. My DH will miss out bc of me...yes, I have one; he doesn't and we all know that the issue is mine.

 

[Indigo77]

Sorry if this wasn't the plan for your thread. No one asked or expected you to justify anything. I just posted what came to mind after Sarah's post.

Still, at the end of the day, ending up childless is different than ending up as a mother of one or three or five and I doubt you would want to trade places. It's just a different reality.

So, to answer your question, no. It's not an option for me to think about perhaps never having 'a' baby (not 'another' baby, you see....it's different...I'm sorry, , but it is).

Maybe this thread was intended for mothers only? If so, I apologize. I just want you to realize that this pessimism is infectious, and thinking about this possible reality is more than many of us can bear.

 

[readyformore]

Sorry if this wasn't the plan for your thread. No one asked or expected you to justify anything. I just posted what came to mind after Sarah's post.

Still, at the end of the day, ending up childless is different than ending up as a mother of one or three or five and I doubt you would want to trade places. It's just a different reality.

So, to answer your question, no. It's not an option for me to think about perhaps never having 'a' baby (not 'another' baby, you see....it's different...I'm sorry, , but it is).

Maybe this thread was intended for mothers only? If so, I apologize. I just want you to realize that this pessimism is infectious, and thinking about this possible reality is more than many of us can bear.

No, of course it's not a thread for mother's only. You're welcome to post.

I do understand what you are saying. But, please, keep in mind that by saying certain phrases to me, or making certain comments, it somehow dismisses my desire to have a baby. Or it makes it seem somehow less important to have a baby because I've already had one. Or that another person in my family is less desired or wanted. And that's not the case at all.

If this doesn't work out for me, I will mourn, just like everyone else. Differently than someone without children, yes. But, I won't just shrug my shoulders and walk away.

I guess that's the entire point of the thread.

 

[Indigo77]

Which phrase/comment made you feel 'dismissed'?

 

[readyformore]

It is more the 'feel' of the posts I guess.

My husband just asked "What's so funny?" You have a new pic about every 5 minutes. lol.

 

[readyformore]

I'm sorry, I think you're really struggling today. Is it a cd1 issue?

 

[Indigo77]

I can't find one that I really like. Someone commented that they 'can't stand seeing pictures of other people's children on avatars', so I tried to find something that would wouldn't bother others. But, the avatars with babies really inspire me, so I changed my mind and am now trying to find a picture I really like.... KWIM?

 

[readyformore]

I think pet pics are good.

Personally, I liked the sperm/pumpkin.

 

[Indigo77]

I'm sorry, I think you're really struggling today. Is it a cd1 issue?

I don't think I am.

I was more or less commenting on Sara's 2nd paragraph, to let her know I know how she feels. I didn't mean to make you feel dismissed.

 

[readyformore]

No worries.

It just wasn't something I was expecting. It kind of came from left field.

 

[Indigo77]

I think pet pics are good.

Personally, I liked the sperm/pumpkin.

Yeah, but I wasn't feeling it...

 

[readyformore]

At least you didn't stick with the same pic as Sus. That was pretty confusing, lol.

 

[dachsundmom]

Who said baby pics were a problem?

 

[Indigo77]

You get 1 guess...

 

[dachsundmom]

Ok...when my temp is high tomorrow, don't let me freak out...getting ready to hit the bottle, lol.

I am over all of this!