NMA or reality?

[readyformore]

You guys see the thread about sore legs as a symptom, lol!

 

[Indigo77]

Ok...when my temp is high tomorrow, don't let me freak out...getting ready to hit the bottle, lol.

I am over all of this!

Why would you freak out?

 

[dachsundmom]

Bc I'll panic when I see the temp too high, lol

I only had Ketel One in my freezer, so I am hoping the vodka and SC do the trick, lol

 

[HappyAuntie]

Which is it?
Is it pessimism when I think that another baby might not be in the picture?
Or am I being realistic?

I certaintly never thought that when I decided to ttc, I would come out on the other end without another pregnancy.

Why don't we ever mention that we might not have these babies that we want so much? Are we afraid to talk about it?

It's a cold hard fact, but nobody seems to bring it up. We talk about the disappointment of the monthly AF, but not the bleak truth, that it may never happen. Even my RE said to me when I was only 24, "The success rate for IUI is 15-20%. That means that for most people, they won't get pregnant." I was shocked, then so appreciative of the truth. I feel it can keep me grounded.

I recognize that it might not happen for me. Frankly, I'm tired of acting like we are all going to get what we want. That's not to say that I'm full of PMA, we know that I am not.

I just feel like we are side-stepping the reality. . . . .that it might not happen.

Maybe I am just a hater of false hope.


(This is posted after reading several of my subscribed threads where the previous posters are now pregnant.)

I like to think reality is the happy medium somewhere between PMA and NMA. Knowing the reality of what I'm up against helps me have realistic expectations. I think the real danger in the blind optimism we see so often on here is it leaves us feeling even more like failures when it doesn't happen month after month, making us feel guilty, that maybe it would have happened if only I'd been more positive about it. BS! I already feel guilty about a sh*tload of other things - I don't need to add to that pile!

All the insistence we see on here (ie "You WILL have a baby!") doesn't help me one bit. The fact of the matter is that for some of us, it will not happen. Modern science can't fix everything. And not acknowledging that possibility leaves us unprepared to accept it if/when it comes.

I try not to squash out my hope when it comes along by immediately shooting it down with a negative thought, but likewise, I also don't squash out my despair when it pops up, either. It's there sometimes, whether we like it or not, so we might as well admit it.

Here's a really good blog post on the topic by a therapist who specializes in infertility counseling and who's been through it herself.

All that said, I really hope you get your little bean! First or third, they're all tiny miracles.

 

[Milty]

I know I'm crazy but I really like this thread! Yes I know I'm weird.


Yes this is another one of my long posts.


OK the realty is I know I will not get what I have always wanted. I really wanted a large family ie 8 kids. Almost every adult decision I've made in my life has centered around that goal. At this point if I somehow received a miracle from God I might be able to have 5 kids. That is only if I got pg 2 more times with twins.

The worst is my son will never have a sibling that he will play with.

Indigo I was married for 10 yrs before I had my son almost to the day. I was TTC 3 years and NTNP for 1ish. So I really really know what you mean. Even to this day I will run into people I havn't seen in awhile and they will make comments. Like "Oh so you finally stooped to our level and had one kiddo" and so on. It's to hard to explain that I would love to have lots of kids, managed to have one, but somehow don't/can't have more.

However, I must must must tell you guys I really believe you all will get pg at least once. I have 3 personal friends that have severe fertility problems and funny thing is they all have more kids than me now.

 

[Sus09]

This is a very intersting thread.

Lots of feelings have come out of it and I think that is a good thing.

I see Indigo´s point. The fact that some of us don´t have any children makes it very painful in the sense that we may have to deal with being childless. It is frustrating and devastating.

However as Dmom, ready and athers have mentioned, having had children in the past and now not being able to conceive it is painful as well. It is just two different types of pain. However it is, at the end of the day, what brings us together and we all have in common, we have difficulties conceiving.

It must be very difficult to deal with the fact that once you conceived and now you can´t.

AFM. I had lots of Negative mental attitude lately. Today I am going to say I am more realistic than pesimistic. So far, I am having an annovulatory cycle, which made me really sad. However I knew I had them, It came out in all the tests I had done when I was 29.

I conceived at 30, after 4 months trying. It ended up being a chromosomal/molar pregnancy.

Then I conceived at 33, by accident. I was seeing this guy for a couple of months and the night we had sex, I got pregnat! And of course he ran away and left me on my own. At that stage I wanted to have a termination, which goes completely against my values. Did not know what to do. And weirdly enough I thought then... This is my last chance of having a baby, if I have a termination my body will never conceive again. I decided to go ahead with my pregnacy, I was at the cinema with my friends, I got horrible cramps, went to the toilet and guess the end of the story...

So for me is a mix of frustration of not being able to conceive, fear of being childless, losing my two PG at a very early stage and guilt for the horrible thoughts I had with my last PG.

I know it is a long post, but by sharing my own expereince/feelings all I want to say we are ALL dealing with different feelings. Childless women or mothers, and that is why we get so much support and understanding from all the women, because we share that pain, we share our hopes, and we go of topic for a laugh

Just a big hug to you all ladies

 

[Sus09]

At least you didn't stick with the same pic as Sus. That was pretty confusing, lol.

Indigo!!! Did you have the same pic as me?
I whish I had seen it! It must have been very confusing

 

[Jodes2011]

Indigo babes

Sarah

I am one of the most positive people around and since the last couple of months my PMA has completely vanished my dh doesn't like this but hey ho he's not me. But as Brooke said i have PMA for everyone else. I really understand Indigo and Sarahs point of view I'm one of the lucky ones i have 4 boys and i have always wanted a big family but i don't feel gulity of that and i certainly don't feel gulity having a photo of one of my sons on my profile.

I agree with sus its difficult for everyone one of us ladies but in different ways. It all one big emotional rollercoaster but we should all be here for one another because i know i am. I know i've only been ttc since December 2010but its still bloody difficult.

to all you ladies that need it xxxx

 

[Natsby]

I think maybe we don´t talk about the possibility that it might not work out on here because we are all very gentle with one another. And so we should be, we only get a fraction of the story on here and don´t know enough to judge really. we also don´t know how fragile another person is and telling them give up no hope may be too much for them to bare. We all have enough people telling us it isn´t a good idea at our age, doctors, media, specialists, so we come on here for support. I have times when my PMA has run out and times when I can´t imagine ever holding my little one, but I can´t yet talk about what if with regards to never. I hope I never have to.

 

[readyformore]

Which is it?
Is it pessimism when I think that another baby might not be in the picture?
Or am I being realistic?

I certaintly never thought that when I decided to ttc, I would come out on the other end without another pregnancy.

Why don't we ever mention that we might not have these babies that we want so much? Are we afraid to talk about it?

It's a cold hard fact, but nobody seems to bring it up. We talk about the disappointment of the monthly AF, but not the bleak truth, that it may never happen. Even my RE said to me when I was only 24, "The success rate for IUI is 15-20%. That means that for most people, they won't get pregnant." I was shocked, then so appreciative of the truth. I feel it can keep me grounded.

I recognize that it might not happen for me. Frankly, I'm tired of acting like we are all going to get what we want. That's not to say that I'm full of PMA, we know that I am not.

I just feel like we are side-stepping the reality. . . . .that it might not happen.

Maybe I am just a hater of false hope.


(This is posted after reading several of my subscribed threads where the previous posters are now pregnant.)

I like to think reality is the happy medium somewhere between PMA and NMA. Knowing the reality of what I'm up against helps me have realistic expectations. I think the real danger in the blind optimism we see so often on here is it leaves us feeling even more like failures when it doesn't happen month after month, making us feel guilty, that maybe it would have happened if only I'd been more positive about it. BS! I already feel guilty about a sh*tload of other things - I don't need to add to that pile!

All the insistence we see on here (ie "You WILL have a baby!") doesn't help me one bit. The fact of the matter is that for some of us, it will not happen. Modern science can't fix everything. And not acknowledging that possibility leaves us unprepared to accept it if/when it comes.

I try not to squash out my hope when it comes along by immediately shooting it down with a negative thought, but likewise, I also don't squash out my despair when it pops up, either. It's there sometimes, whether we like it or not, so we might as well admit it.

Here's a really good blog post on the topic by a therapist who specializes in infertility counseling and who's been through it herself.

All that said, I really hope you get your little bean! First or third, they're all tiny miracles.

Wow. . . . . . just . . . . wow!

Not only do I agree with everything you've said, but that link is amazing!

Thank you so much for sharing it. It validated a lot of my feelings.

I will reread it often.

 

[HappyAuntie]

Wow. . . . . . just . . . . wow!

Not only do I agree with everything you've said, but that link is amazing!

Thank you so much for sharing it. It validated a lot of my feelings.

I will reread it often.

You're welcome, and I'm glad you liked the link. I found her blog quite by accident some time ago and it's been incredibly helpful. She only posts about once/month, but I'll take what I can get - it's cheaper than my own therapist!

 

[Conina]

Hmmm v thought-provoking thread. But although I can see both sides, and even after TTC for 13 months, without even a sniff of a positive, I'm still keeping my PMA.

Without sounding all new-agey, I really do think that there's some sort of plan. Or to put in the Norn Irish way, what's for ya won't go by ya.

And I think I was born to be a mummy. My friends, who are mummies, say the same about me.

Ok, if I'd tried it years ago, I might have had 3,4 or 5 by now. But I wasn't with my DH then, and it would have been with the wrong person. And a disaster.

Now I'm with the right person, and I know we'll be parents. Whether naturally, IVF or adoption.

 

[Indigo77]

I think maybe we don´t talk about the possibility that it might not work out on here because we are all very gentle with one another. And so we should be, we only get a fraction of the story on here and don´t know enough to judge really. we also don´t know how fragile another person is and telling them give up no hope may be too much for them to bare. We all have enough people telling us it isn´t a good idea at our age, doctors, media, specialists, so we come on here for support. I have times when my PMA has run out and times when I can´t imagine ever holding my little one, but I can´t yet talk about what if with regards to never. I hope I never have to.

Ditto

 

[Indigo77]

At least you didn't stick with the same pic as Sus. That was pretty confusing, lol.

Indigo!!! Did you have the same pic as me?
I whish I had seen it! It must have been very confusing

Yes...I didn't realize it until R pointed it out....but I thought it looked familiar.......

 

[Indigo77]

I am going to conceive twins this cycle! ...........

 

[dachsundmom]

I am going to conceive twins this cycle! ...........

 

[Sus09]

I am going to conceive twins this cycle! ...........

Can I join? I want twins too

 

[Sus09]

At least you didn't stick with the same pic as Sus. That was pretty confusing, lol.

Indigo!!! Did you have the same pic as me?
I whish I had seen it! It must have been very confusing

Yes...I didn't realize it until R pointed it out....but I thought it looked familiar.......

I missed it!!!!!!!!!!

would have loved to see it lol

 

[Indigo77]

Yes, you will conceive twins, too!!!

 

[Sus09]

Cool! Let´s go for the twins conceiving cycle!!!!!!!!!!