No Support from DH for Hypnobirthing - Devistated

[whattoexpect]

I feel lost. I guess I had this idea in my head that the birth of our first baby could go the way I envisioned. The two of us, in a dimly lit hospital room with my hypobirthing music calming me in the background, but all this idea did was cause a huge argument.

He is all for the natural childbirth, but when I came home telling him about the hyponbirthing classes he just doesn't understand what we need to pay for a course for. He thinks the hospital prenatal sessions should be enough. He said to me, I think you are underestimating yourself. I appreciate that he thinks I can handle it, but if I feel like I need to learn some tools - how can you argue with that.

We haven't spoken in 2 days. I am so upset about this. I mean, I am the one that has to safely get our baby here. If I think juggiling would help me with the anxiety and pain then he should be first one in line signing up for clown college. I don't understand why he thinks that he even gets a vote on this. His job is just to support me.

You never know what will happen when it actually comes time to deliver, but I feel if I have as much preperation as I think I need then I will be more comfortable, and surely that is the best thing for all of us.

I asked him what his plan is for the birth. Does he just plan to stand there and look at me? He says he will help talk me through. I said exactly, and this course will help you to know what to expect and what to say to help me...he won't have any of it.

In a fit of anger, he said to me go ahead and book it. He said he doesn't really want to go, but he will go but he won't be in a good mood and won't get anything out of it.

I mean - is it really that hard to just support me on this??? I don't want that husband sitting in the corner of the room pouting. This is so important to me. I never ask him for anything....

Sorry for the rant, but I have no where else to get this out....I really want this to be a happy event that brings us closer together, not something that I am dreading, felling like I will be doing it on my own....

 

[solitaire89]

First of all, take a deep breath. If you're worked up about it, you won't put forward a "rational" arguement to him, which is what he needs at this stage in proceedings.

You have 4 months or so to go, which is time enough to bring him round and to do enough practice, and, in the meantime, try to practice your techniques every day, with or without him - that way you'll know that you are fully prepared, and perfectly capable of doing it without him if need be.

Which hypnotherapy programme are you planning on using? I only have experience of the Natal Hypnotherapy programme, so I don't know if this will apply to you. Make sure he reads the accompanying book thoroughly. Ask him to practice a fear release session with you (if he's resistant, I'm sure you can "come up with" something that is worrying you specifically about the birth. And no, you can't use his attitude ) This is something that can be used during the birth itself, so a good working knowledge would be useful. The courses are a chance for him to learn new skills and to practice them with a professional who can give him tailored advice to your situation.

I know that this isn't going to help you pursuade him, because its not a rational arguement, but it is useful if he goes on the course. My OH found it invaluable in sorting out the whole process of labour and birth, so he knew what to expect.

Keep calm above all. And personally, if he's said book it, then do so and win him round in the time between then and now. If it makes him feel better, do something to raise the cash from elsewhere - I raided piggy banks and made and sold greetings cards to fund my course becuase OH was unsure about the outlay.

Turned into a bit of a ramble, but I hope something in it was of some use!

 

[whattoexpect]

Thank you so much for this Solitaire, it is exactly what I needed to hear.

I know I am very worked up about it and you are right he won't hear anything but emtion that way

I will be booking it and I'm sure that he will come around eventually.

I was just so excited to find what I though what the most amazing answer to my fears about giving birth and I had just hoped that he would be on bored immediatly.

I'm sure in the end everything will work out - it always does!

 

[solitaire89]

He will come round And when you have your fantastic hypnobirth, he'll be the first to tell evreyone, you watch

 

[SmileyKez]

My oh was a bit sceptical about hypnobirthing but agreed to go with me and he got loads out of it! It taught him loads about babies and birth he didn't know, it made him feel like he has an important role to play, and, he loved the relaxation exercises!

Hubby is quite stressed at work and always felt so chilled afterwards! I can't really offer any advice just wanted to reassure you that my hubby wasn't too keen but really found it valuable and I'm sure yours would too! Good luck!

 

[livinginhope]

Hey whattoexpect, I think my OH was a bit sceptical about Hypnobirthing at first... but luckily for me he didn't quibble when I booked the course (we decided to do it instead of the other class options out there, not as well as, as the one we signed up to included the essential antenatal stuff too).

I think he thought it was a bit kooky, but while he wasn't exactly on board with Hypnobirthing he wasn't totally negative... however after the first session, and finding out what it was really all about, he was totally enthused by the idea and really excited about getting involved! I think he originally thought he'd feel like a spare part at the birth, but the Hypnobirthing method has given him a specific job to do, so he's happier

I think his uncertainty about it was just fear of the unknown, and a little bit of feeling like we were doing something unusual, and possibly that his colleagues /friends might think the whole thing a bit odd. But now he's a convert!

I hope your OH finds his first session as enlightening - I reckon once you're there, with all the other dads, he'll be won over... especially once he realises the benefits!

 

[madasa]

Book it. Take him. Chances are he will come round (there is solid sciencey evidence to explain WHY hypnosis is helpful in labour, which does appeal to most blokes!) If he is still sulking about it, then look around for someone else to support you as your "hypno birthing partner". He can be with you as you bring your baby into the world, without the pressure of having to learn all the birthy stuff and all the hypnosis stuff. You don't need to worry about his behaviour and whether he will support you or not, and can instead focus on preparing for your birth Good luck!

 

[whattoexpect]

Thanks so much for all your support ladies.

I have booked the course and we had a bit of a fight about it last night.
In the end he has agreed to go and check it out.

He is completely skeptical and I know it's just because he doesn't understand.

How could you argue with a natural calm way of bringing your baby into the world.

Fingers crossed the first class makes him a believer We'll see on Nov 18!

Best of luck to us all through these last few months

 

[solitaire89]

It's not good that you had a bit of a fight, but it IS good that you've booked it. If you are in contact with your course tutor might it be worth just letting them know the situation, that your OH is a little skeptical? If it were me, I think I would

 

[jamhs]

I haven't done hypnobirthing but I did prenatal yoga and booked my dh and I on a couples class and he was laughing about how silly it was and he found the whole breathing concept hilarious! He said to me "how can someone forget to breathe?!" Well after my first was born he told me he was really glad he went on it and that he learned about breathing techniques because there were times when he needed to remind me to breathe through the contractions, especially when I wanted to push, and the midwife wanted me to wait a but longer he was able to keep me going! So even if he huffs and puffs and laughs about it, as long as he goes and learns the basics, it will help both of you in labour. And he might actually become a convert himself when all is said and done!

 

[zilla]

my OH was exactly the same.
But after we went for the course, he realised that it was the best thing to do for us and actually enjoyed the classes.
(he was the biggest sceptic before we went for the classes too).
I'd advise your OH not to knock it until he's tried it.
although, fair enough - the classes are pretty expensive but worth every penny in the long run x

 

[ljo1984]

My oh was the same with the whole hypnobirthing stuff! no way on this planet would i get him to go to class! i got a cd and just did it myself at home, and will next time too. to be honest though i just like my own company in labour anyway lol, if he started touching or fussing over me id end up snapping at me lol.

you could either buy cd's to do at home or keep talking to him about it explaining how important it is to you and how it and his suport is needed to get you through a natural birth. x