no support from my husband ..

[mimmymoo]

some history: have had 3 mc at 5, 8 & 11 weeks and a stillbirth @ 20 weeks in the last 4 yrs, im now 22+4 pg with a baby boy, the pregnancy appears to be progressing well although i had cpl scares with bleeding and cramping in 1st trimester (now stopped)
i am trying to be as positive as possible, but its hard as im am obviously anxious the whole time - i worry about every little pain or twinge and its pushing me into a sort of depression. i actually thought i would feel better about things once i reached the 20 week mark but in fact i feel much much worse - as now i can feel the baby move, i panic throughout the times he doesnt... i just worry the whole time that history is going to repeat itself, i know its highly unlikely but i just cant help feeling these negative thoughts - i have obviously been mentally scarred by my experiences
i have tried to talk to my husband about my fears and explain why i sometimes get upset or worry or withdraw and cant get excited about talking about baby things .. but all he says is "your'e not the first person to be pregnant/this has happened to" and to "try and be positive as its not good for the baby" etc .. when i expressed concerns about my job being too demanding and wanting to give up early he said "you're not the only one to work there whilst pg" i couldnt believe how incensitive he was, i know he doesnt mean it .. he means well, but he really hasnt got a grasp on how i feel and that im really struggling to cope. all i want is for him to validate my feelings and to not belittle me .. almost telling im worrying over nothing. in a row the other day he said i shouldnt have got pg again, if i was going to feel this way .. i know it was said in the heat of the moment, but WTF? i had no idea getting pg again would be such a living hell .. it took such a long time to get here, i was over the moon when i found out i was pg again but never dreamt i would feel this way
how can i get through to him how i feel ? has anyone else gone through this with a partner or family member ? how can i cope .. its hard enough dealing with all my anxieties over the pregnancy without all this worry and bad feelings now as well ..

 

[hb1]

This is the last thing you need right now - maybe write him a letter or even leave this page up for hime to read - maybe he's trying to "snap" you out of feeling low when all you need is empathy and support.

Sorry your feeling like this during what should be such a joyous time - this will all melt away the moment you hold your baby

hx

 

[bubbywings]

So sorry you are going through this. Your feelings are only natural. I agree with the other poster about writing a letter. Within that letter express to him how those words he used hurt your feelings.

Try and stay positive that your little one will be just as perfect as you imagined.

 

[Carmello_01]

Maybe he's feeling guilty that he doesn't feel the same way? My husband said similar things to try and snap me out of it, and in the end I put it down to his feelings or perhaps lack thereof in the given moment. He's a very caring and sensitive guy, but with our losses and any emotional challenges that arose from them (especially during this pregnancy) he said hurtful things in the moment and then retreated to his 'cave'.
By being open with him, letting the moment settle and then talking about it I finally realized it was his guilt and own stress doing the talking.

 

[fluffyblue]

Im only 4 weeks and already paranoid and my hubby said the same thing the other day "well if your gonna be like that all pregnancy whats the point" needless to say he got the duvet and the couch for the night. Its hard for them, they try to snap you out of it but it lingers inside of you scratching away at the surface I know exactly how you feel hunni, nothing no one says or do will make that better. Unfortunately he isnt helping you either. I would do as the other girls say maybe write him a note or arrange some time for yourselves somewhere where he would need to listen to you like over dinner or something.

I hope you work it out xxx

 

[Ice Cold Cube]

I think writing him a letter might be a really good idea. You can have a think about what you want to say, and he will have time to reflect on it once he's read it. An email might even suffice if you normally email him? I often email my husband when we're having issues, although we're both supposed to be in work and busy with other things at the time!

I've had three miscarriages so can totally relate to the fear you have. Under the circumstances it is perfectly natural. I feel it too.

Let us know how you get on. You may find once you've told him how you feel, that he thinks he's been doing the right thing so far by 'staying strong' for you. I hope you get it sorted anyway.

Laura x