Normal Behaviour?

[skittlewatson]

So my 4 year old son ( my eldest child) is worrying me. His behaviour is out of control. Weve tried everything to control it, praise time out etc etc even resorted to bribes but nothing works.
He is obsessive with things ie he HAS to press the button when crossing road. He HAS to wait for the automatic doors on shops to be opened by him otherwise all hell breaks loose. Amongst oyher things he HAS to do. He is so aggressive toward his biggest sister ( 3) although will loving play along side her sometimes and she just knows when hes having a moment and will try and stop it before it gets out of control like giving him a toy of hers she knows hes about to go for because if he didnt get it there would be a war started by him. Hes never hurt his baby sister (11 months) he literally sees red so quickly and will just flip ( hit out, kick etc) out ina matter of seconds over little things and it takes us an age to calm him down although weve found sending him upstairs to his lego does help a little. He just doesnt know when to stop
He is so so loving and kind at other times and he is so clever and willing to learn, loves space and facts about space but this naughty aggressive behaviour is getting more common and good days are getting less and less.
The worst thing is he is mainly good at school though.
Hv was crao, she whitnessed him yanking my hair for no real reason and apparently its normal and he was just ready for school. Im contemplating drs but i dont know?
Any ideas???

 

[OmarsMum]

It sounds normal for a 4 yrs old, if he is well behaved at school and only this behavior is only at home his behavior doesn't sound alarming. My boy was similar, he used to go crazy if we press the elevator button at that age, he was extreme in his behavior,he used to jump up and down while screaming if he doesn't get his way. But he was the perfect student at school we never got a complain from them. All those behaviors vanished gradually while growing up

 

[Bevziibubble]

This does sound normal mostly. My 4 year old is like that with pressing buttons and waiting for automatic doors as well. She gets very angry and upset if someone else presses the button without realising. She used to have a really bad anger issue and would hit me daily and there was no reasoning with her or calming her down in the heat of the moment and I would have to put her in her room for her to calm down and only then was she open to talking about it and being more reasonable. She is a lot better these days at managing her emotions and things have improved greatly. I think it's just the age; it can be a real struggle for them to understand and deal with their emotions

 

[skittlewatson]

Thank you for the reassurance. Hes currently up in his room trashing the few things he has in there 😒 family life is so miserable right now because of his behaviour which is awful to say isnt it. He is so extreme and i never seem to hear anyone else having to be like this with their 4 year old. I was literally just hoovering, he was playing with his sister whilst his dad had the baby. Turn around to him throwing my phone at his dads head just because. Probably for attention but 5 mins prior id just been sat with him drawing and he was playing with his sister so wasnt bored.

 

[SarahBear]

I think when these types of behaviors are described, people recall their kids doing similar things and think "oh, it's just normal," but there is a point where it isn't normal (just like every other "normal" behavior). It's hard to say from just a forum post if it's "normal" or not. How much does it impact his and your ability to function in daily living?

 

[lindseymw]

Has his behaviour gone downhill since starting School? (I'm presuming he started Reception in September?)

Jacob's behaviour & attitude was absolutely appauling after starting school. Very well behaved during School hours but evening & weekends he went mental. Similar to what you have described (has to be the one to press buttons, first one to do any thing etc, doing naughty things just because...)

After a few months, he did settle down. I think it was a mixture of tiredness & not quite settling in at school. Now he's in Year 1, he has got used to school and his behaviour & attitude is a hell of a lot better.

 

[Eleonora]

I think a lot of normal kids have bad periods like what you are describing. Definitely we've had some meltdowns with my 4 year old. Coming home from school is a particularly difficult time. He starts out happy and then finds a really ridiculous excuse to get angry. Everything I do to calm him down just escalates the situation (because for some reason he just really WANTS to get as mad as possible and it isn't really about the button, or the keys, or opening the door first or whatever). Then he ends up in tears and wants to make up & be reassured. It is like he has to go through this firestorm of emotion, violence, shouting, boundary testing, etc and then settle back into being happy and loved. Of course hunger, tiredness, and the shift from school to home are all part of it.
What you are describing though sounds like it has gone too far, happens constantly, and is really affecting the family. It makes me think there is some chronic aggravating factor - like not getting enough sleep, or being uncomfortable/hurting in some way that is constantly bothering him and triggering the meltdowns. I'm not sure a doctor is going to be able to figure it out from an office visit, but you can certainly try.