Not feeling like a family unit...

[superfrizbee]

DS is 4 weeks tomorrow and DD is nearly 2.5 years. I dont feel like we've settled in to being a family of 4 yet. When it's just me and DC I feel like we're a 2 and a 1 depending on which I'm dealing with, even if I'm BFing DS while reading to DD. I feel like I'm not concentrating on either of them. When DH is home I feel like we're a 2 and a 2. I feel like I never see him either because I go to bed early to try and get a block of 3 hours sleep. I feel so sad that we just dont feel like a proper family yet. We're done at 2 kids and I just want that "complete" feeling I'm meant to have. Am I going to get there? I feel like it's my role as mother to bring us all together and so far I'm not doing it.

 

[noon_child]

I think with the baby being so small there can't be that much interaction between it and the toddler. I think it is key to that "family" feeling that there is interaction between all parties, so at the moment mummy is in the centre and everyone else is branching outwards (like you are the centre of a star) whereas the 'family unit' feeling might come from something that felt more like a triangle (or square when there are 4 of you).

Tbh I only get a 'family' feel when I have time to stop and be outside of it all for a bit and 'looking in' at others interacting. When you are Mum all the demands feel like they come to you and you can't see the wood for the trees.

 

[minties]

It takes time. and 4 weeks is still very early on. I didnt feel like we were a family unit until Sophie was 4-6 months along. We certainly do now! I never thought it would happen, I felt like Sophie had ruined our cheerful little family when she was an infant. Now it's the total opposite, and she's the missing puzzle piece. OH and I have never been this close in all our 13 years, Thomas thrives with a sibling and we have all our routines down pat.

 

[aimee-lou]

Aw hun it will come. For the first few weeks it can feel disjointed but that's normal. Try not to worry and try to enjoy those little moments like cuddles after tiddler has gone to bed, walking with your toddler while baby sleeps. Try to take a step back and look at the good things (difficult i know with so little sleep) and be kind to each other. I personally love those baby weeks but you're right that you often feel separate. In a few days/weeks your lo will start smiling and the mire lo interacts the mire they will contribute to the family.

Concentrate on healing, resting, and being kind to yourselves. These early days are fleeting. Don't waste them fretting, enjoy what you can. Take photos, GI Christmas shopping with your babies and revel in the attention you'll get as a new mum if 2 gorgeous children. Hugs xx

 

[Pielette]

Like the others have said it takes time

I felt like you did in the beginning. I was spending lots of time BFing my youngest and my toddler was mainly being looked after by my DH or my mum. As time went on it got easier to juggle them both but togetherness took more time. My eldest pretty much ignored my youngest until at least 6 months.

Now they are such good friends and just chase each other around, play silly games and giggle their heads off together. It's worth it! The early months are hard but it will all come together.

 

[superfrizbee]

Thanks everyone. I had a complete moment this morning after being tag teamed by a toddler/newborn combo all night. It's funny how much comfort I can take from the kind words and support of strangers, and I'm so grateful you took the time to reply.

 

[jd83]

As others said, it takes time to get to that point of connectedness. In the early days, I was just exhausted, and they were too little to really connect beyond DS1 giving him a few kisses and helping by getting me a diaper, etc. But that's not the real connection you're looking for. I think it was more around 4-6 months or so, when they actually started playing together, weren't so needy, and we could all play and enjoy some family time without it being a constant breastfeeding fest and keeping toddler occupied while doing that fest, lol. It does get better, and that connection between everyone does build as time goes on.

 

[Pearls18]

I often joked to DH that having a baby felt more like a pet than another child it's hard especially when baby is usually very dependent on mum in the beginning, I felt a bit divided, I would look after DS2 and DH would take over DS1, but this was all temporary, the bigger DS2 got the more we felt like a family unit. He's 10 months old now and I feel like a family. I know exactly what you mean though.

 

[Sonnenshein_]

I'm only just starting to feel like it and DS is 1 and DD is 2. At first she didn't really like him, but now that he's... I guess more interesting to her, I finally feel like a complete family.. expect the fact we're still planning more! it takes time, but you will get there.

 

[Wilsey]

Yes, like others have said this is absolutely normal! Once bubba is sitting up (6 months+) and you can all play together, you'll feel much more like a unit. I think that just keeps getting stronger and stronger as they can get older and involved in more things (ie properly kicking a ball around outside, boardgames etc).

Hang in there mumma x