Not pregnant after all, but feels like a loss

[notquite]

So this month I have started thinking about getting pregnant... in the past few weeks I've pretty much decided I want to start moving towards that goal. Well, because of several factors, I really thought that I might be pregnant this month, I had sore boobs - possible implantation bleeding - the same kind of headaches I had during my 1st pregnancy... etc.

I had nearly convinced myself it was true, even though I haven't really been TTC - I did miss a couple BC pills this month though. It was driving me crazy so I decided to take a test this morning... negative and then I start my freaking period like right then. It was so stupid.

And now I feel stupid, because I really thought it could be possible, and I was actually excited about it. Also I know it will be a long while before I can really TTC, beyond NTNP... due to financial stuff, job stuff, etc.

The worst part of it, is that it really reminded me of the M/C.... it felt like I had gone through the same thing again, even though this time I was most likely not pregnant at all... I don't know if that makes sense.

I just needed to tell someone about it, because I am feeling so depressed right now and I can't do anything about it

 

[goddess25]

Its funny what we do to ourselves isn't it. I know what you mean and I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Dannib247]

its horrible feeling isnt it hun i can totally relate i hope your ok soon hun xx

 

[Truffleax]

awwww Im so sorry hun I can totally understand why you feel that way our bodies can play some mean tricks on us. Dont feel stupid though hun I think we can all relate to how your feeling.

xxxx

 

[notquite]

I feel a little better now ladies, thank you for your support. I got to talk to DH about it a little bit, and the fact that he was understanding and supportive helped me a lot. Also I feel like we are getting a little bit closer to being able to really TTC.

 

[Ten]

Whether or not there was an actual baby there, you'll never know. It could've been an early miscarriage, it could've been wishful thinking, it could've been bad PMS... it could've been anything.

The important thing was that you started to love the baby, and finding out you wouldn't get to hold it in nine months is a loss no matter how you slice it. You're not crazy. You're not stupid. Don't beat yourself up for that. You have a big heart - which is painful to you, but will be an enormous blessing to your little one when s/he comes.

Would that all kids could be so lucky!