Not putting fathers name on the birth certificate?

[CharlieKeys]

Every father should have a choice if he wants too - but I think it's unfair if that choice has been taken away from them

 

[teal]

FOB isn't on my LO's birth certificate. He broke up with me when I said I would be keeping my baby and as I told him over the phone, I've not seen him since before I knew I was pregnant. He's cut all contact so even if I had wanted him to be on the birth certificate I couldn't have added his name without him being present so the decision was made for me.

 

[justlove]

I wanted FOB to my 2nd baby name on birth cerficate as I hated the thought that it would be left blank as if i was some two bit slapper who didnt know who the dad was, even thought FOB is a complete arse, he didnt want to, reasons? duno other than he an arse, I asked him on many occasions also said that he still able to add it after he didnt bother showing up to the appointment. It still bothers me.

 

[~RedLily~]

When parental rights are involved you have to do what's best for the child. I did not put FOB on the BC and I stand by my decision. Just because someone is a father doesn't mean they are necessarily capable of taking responsibility.

 

[Nibblenic]

When parental rights are involved you have to do what's best for the child. I did not put FOB on the BC and I stand by my decision. Just because someone is a father doesn't mean they are necessarily capable of taking responsibility.

WEll yes but you can easily say that just because someone gave birth doesnt mean they are ready to be a mother and take responibility.

However the mother is always on the Birth certificate and doesnt have to 'earn the right'

However things change people mature and become responible. Or even the opposite way around for either parent. I think at the outset both parents should be named. FOr historical contacting knowledge purposes

 

[krissie1234uk]

When parental rights are involved you have to do what's best for the child. I did not put FOB on the BC and I stand by my decision. Just because someone is a father doesn't mean they are necessarily capable of taking responsibility.

WEll yes but you can easily say that just because someone gave birth doesnt mean they are ready to be a mother and take responibility.

However the mother is always on the Birth certificate and doesnt have to 'earn the right'

However things change people mature and become responible. Or even the opposite way around for either parent. I think at the outset both parents should be named. FOr historical contacting knowledge purposes

Yes, but the mother in most cases is the sole care giver when a relationship breaks down. Whether she is ready or not, she is the one who is bringing up the child and she can't just walk away and deny all knowledge. If the father doesn't give a crap about the child, why should they be able to have a say in the childs life 5 or 6 years down the line? If they are reliquishing responsibility for that child, then they shouldn't be on the birth certificate because they could cause problems out of spite in the future.

If the father wants to be part of the childs life, then they should always be allowed to be put on the certificate. A mother shouldn't be able to stop them.

I think if it was just about naming the bological father for reference in the future, then it would be different. As parental responsibility is determined by the name on the certificate, it's not so black and white. Just my opinion .

 

[justlove]

However the mother is always on the Birth certificate and doesnt have to 'earn the right'

Yes but mother doesn't get that choice like FOB has

However things change people mature and become responible. Or even the opposite way around for either parent. I think at the outset both parents should be named. FOr historical contacting knowledge purposes

Agree with that and I still have hope that my FOB will


Ooops sorry I quoted the wrong person i was nibblenic not redlily..... am still getting hang of using forum

 

[flubdub]

My ex didnt want to put his name on LO's certificate and he was too much of a coward to tell me. Instead, he left me sitting in the registrars office waiting for him.
We wernt together at the time, and he had said he didnt want contact with our son. Right fine (thats a whole other thread!) but I still wanted his name on the birth certificate, and knowing that my LO wasnt going to see his "dad" made it even more important to me that his name went on.
After he didnt turn up, I kept on at him about it, and 6 weeks later he finally agreed to put his name on, and we re-registered LO.



I dont care whether the men "deserve" their names on the certs or not, but the children ALWAYS do. Believe me, my ex certainly doesnt deserve to be on LO's birth certificate but he is. Aside from refusing to see him/pay for him, he also offered him up for adoption to my partner! But as a parent, you have the responsibility to let your children know where they came from.
If something ever happened to you, as a mother, say you died or something - for the child, not having a mother and not knowing who their father is could cause all kinds of mixed emotions, and I dont think its fair.

 

[moomin_troll]

i just see it as a woman decides to have a baby with that man so therefore his name (if he goes along if not married) should be put on the birth cert.

my dad was a total waste of space alcholic who beat my mum up for years but hes still on mine because my mum always said well i chose him

 

[bathbabe]

If both names go onto the BC both parents have equal responsibility. Its so much more than "letting them know who their father is" or 'historical reasons, family trees' etc
If say id put the fathers name on the BC, even if we wernt together, he wasnt interested in the pregnancy or baby but he turnt up to put his name on and then a few days later walked out of our lives for years and years. Why should he be able to suddenly walk back into our lives and assume parental responsibility?
So no i dont think it should always be on there if you know who the father is

My father isnt on mine but i knew who he was, an alcoholic who wasnt interested in anything other than his cider. I met him a grand total of 3times in my whole life. 3days old, 5years old and 10years old. Then i went to his funeral when i was 18. Im glad he wasnt on my BC because my step dad was then able to adopt me without any trouble.

 

[amygwen]

If he's not interested at all with the pregnancy, is never around, never financially helps me out, etc etc.. than no I don't think he should be on the birth certificate. I have a few friends off here on BNB that their FOBs completely left when they found out they were pregnant and they never knew if they'd show up again, in that sense FOB doesn't deserve to be on the BC. But if it's an FOB that's actively involved, calls frequently to check up, helps pay for necessary baby items and is really making an effort than yes, he deserves to be on BC.

 

[discoclare]

My ex didnt want to put his name on LO's certificate and he was too much of a coward to tell me. Instead, he left me sitting in the registrars office waiting for him.
We wernt together at the time, and he had said he didnt want contact with our son. Right fine (thats a whole other thread!) but I still wanted his name on the birth certificate, and knowing that my LO wasnt going to see his "dad" made it even more important to me that his name went on.
After he didnt turn up, I kept on at him about it, and 6 weeks later he finally agreed to put his name on, and we re-registered LO.



I dont care whether the men "deserve" their names on the certs or not, but the children ALWAYS do. Believe me, my ex certainly doesnt deserve to be on LO's birth certificate but he is. Aside from refusing to see him/pay for him, he also offered him up for adoption to my partner! But as a parent, you have the responsibility to let your children know where they came from.
If something ever happened to you, as a mother, say you died or something - for the child, not having a mother and not knowing who their father is could cause all kinds of mixed emotions, and I dont think its fair.

I have a good friend who's the same age as me (mid thirties). His mum was a single parent and she died when he was three. She didn't put his dad's name on the BC (back then the FOB didn't need to be present for the registration the mum could just provide the name because there wasn't the issue of parental responsibility for unmarried fathers before the change in the law) nor did she tell her parents who FOB was. After she died (he was her only child) he was sent to live with his grandparents. His grandmother died while he was at primary school and his grandfather when he was 17 and doing his A levels. He has never been able to find out who his father is. He has had so little family since he was 17: no parents, siblings, grandparents. He could well have half-siblings and likely a father still alive, and I know how much this upsets him but there's nothing he can do really.

I do think it's important for a child to know who their father is, even if that person is a bad person and they don't want to ever have contact with him. At least if they have some details they can make the choice. My mum hasn't seen her father since she was three in the 1940s (he is probably dead now though) but she knows his name and DOB, it's her choice that she never tried to get in contact because she didn't want to know him (he is on her BC, he was married to my grandmother at the time). However, since the change in the law regarding parental responsibility, FOB needs to be present when you register the birth so if they don't show up then there's nothing you can do anyway! But I think in most cases FOB should get a choice to be there for the registration even if the relationship has broken down so a child has that information.

 

[annawrigley]

Why is it that having their name on the BC gives instant parental responsibility? I think a lot more people would know who their fathers were if that wasnt in place The BC should just be a factual document of parents and DOB etc, there should be a separate document for parental responsibility cos it sounds like so many people keep their FOBs off for fear of them waltzing back in in years to come and making decisions because they have the legal "right". I know this is something I was worried about when me and FOB split up and we weren't speaking and he was showing no interest whatsoever. They have a say in schools, you taking them out of the country, everything, don't they?

 

[bathbabe]

Why is it that having their name on the BC gives instant parental responsibility? I think a lot more people would know who their fathers were if that wasnt in place The BC should just be a factual document of parents and DOB etc, there should be a separate document for parental responsibility cos it sounds like so many people keep their FOBs off for fear of them waltzing back in in years to come and making decisions because they have the legal "right". I know this is something I was worried about when me and FOB split up and we weren't speaking and he was showing no interest whatsoever. They have a say in schools, you taking them out of the country, everything, don't they?

Yep

 

[flubdub]

My ex didnt want to put his name on LO's certificate and he was too much of a coward to tell me. Instead, he left me sitting in the registrars office waiting for him.
We wernt together at the time, and he had said he didnt want contact with our son. Right fine (thats a whole other thread!) but I still wanted his name on the birth certificate, and knowing that my LO wasnt going to see his "dad" made it even more important to me that his name went on.
After he didnt turn up, I kept on at him about it, and 6 weeks later he finally agreed to put his name on, and we re-registered LO.



I dont care whether the men "deserve" their names on the certs or not, but the children ALWAYS do. Believe me, my ex certainly doesnt deserve to be on LO's birth certificate but he is. Aside from refusing to see him/pay for him, he also offered him up for adoption to my partner! But as a parent, you have the responsibility to let your children know where they came from.
If something ever happened to you, as a mother, say you died or something - for the child, not having a mother and not knowing who their father is could cause all kinds of mixed emotions, and I dont think its fair.

I have a good friend who's the same age as me (mid thirties). His mum was a single parent and she died when he was three. She didn't put his dad's name on the BC (back then the FOB didn't need to be present for the registration the mum could just provide the name because there wasn't the issue of parental responsibility for unmarried fathers before the change in the law) nor did she tell her parents who FOB was. After she died (he was her only child) he was sent to live with his grandparents. His grandmother died while he was at primary school and his grandfather when he was 17 and doing his A levels. He has never been able to find out who his father is. He has had so little family since he was 17: no parents, siblings, grandparents. He could well have half-siblings and likely a father still alive, and I know how much this upsets him but there's nothing he can do really.
I do think it's important for a child to know who their father is, even if that person is a bad person and they don't want to ever have contact with him. At least if they have some details they can make the choice. My mum hasn't seen her father since she was three in the 1940s (he is probably dead now though) but she knows his name and DOB, it's her choice that she never tried to get in contact because she didn't want to know him (he is on her BC, he was married to my grandmother at the time). However, since the change in the law regarding parental responsibility, FOB needs to be present when you register the birth so if they don't show up then there's nothing you can do anyway! But I think in most cases FOB should get a choice to be there for the registration even if the relationship has broken down so a child has that information.

Thats so sad. You're poor friend
And exactly the reason why, where possible, the father should be named.

I know people worry about parental responsibility, but in reality, it isnt some great "power" you possess. It makes no difference to your everyday life if someone has PR. I think its pretty unlikely anyones ex would take them to court because they disagreed with the school you were sending your child to.

 

[moomin_troll]

My ex didnt want to put his name on LO's certificate and he was too much of a coward to tell me. Instead, he left me sitting in the registrars office waiting for him.
We wernt together at the time, and he had said he didnt want contact with our son. Right fine (thats a whole other thread!) but I still wanted his name on the birth certificate, and knowing that my LO wasnt going to see his "dad" made it even more important to me that his name went on.
After he didnt turn up, I kept on at him about it, and 6 weeks later he finally agreed to put his name on, and we re-registered LO.



I dont care whether the men "deserve" their names on the certs or not, but the children ALWAYS do. Believe me, my ex certainly doesnt deserve to be on LO's birth certificate but he is. Aside from refusing to see him/pay for him, he also offered him up for adoption to my partner! But as a parent, you have the responsibility to let your children know where they came from.
If something ever happened to you, as a mother, say you died or something - for the child, not having a mother and not knowing who their father is could cause all kinds of mixed emotions, and I dont think its fair.

I have a good friend who's the same age as me (mid thirties). His mum was a single parent and she died when he was three. She didn't put his dad's name on the BC (back then the FOB didn't need to be present for the registration the mum could just provide the name because there wasn't the issue of parental responsibility for unmarried fathers before the change in the law) nor did she tell her parents who FOB was. After she died (he was her only child) he was sent to live with his grandparents. His grandmother died while he was at primary school and his grandfather when he was 17 and doing his A levels. He has never been able to find out who his father is. He has had so little family since he was 17: no parents, siblings, grandparents. He could well have half-siblings and likely a father still alive, and I know how much this upsets him but there's nothing he can do really.

I do think it's important for a child to know who their father is, even if that person is a bad person and they don't want to ever have contact with him. At least if they have some details they can make the choice. My mum hasn't seen her father since she was three in the 1940s (he is probably dead now though) but she knows his name and DOB, it's her choice that she never tried to get in contact because she didn't want to know him (he is on her BC, he was married to my grandmother at the time). However, since the change in the law regarding parental responsibility, FOB needs to be present when you register the birth so if they don't show up then there's nothing you can do anyway! But I think in most cases FOB should get a choice to be there for the registration even if the relationship has broken down so a child has that information.

thats awful that poor boy(well now man) losing so much so young.

 

[tallybee]

Why is it that having their name on the BC gives instant parental responsibility? I think a lot more people would know who their fathers were if that wasnt in place The BC should just be a factual document of parents and DOB etc, there should be a separate document for parental responsibility cos it sounds like so many people keep their FOBs off for fear of them waltzing back in in years to come and making decisions because they have the legal "right". I know this is something I was worried about when me and FOB split up and we weren't speaking and he was showing no interest whatsoever. They have a say in schools, you taking them out of the country, everything, don't they?

True, totally agree. But - if the FOB can't keep up any meaningful relationship with the child, no court will allow him to stick his oar in when it comes to decisions about the kid's life. If it were just parental rights it'd be PR. It's not, the responsibilities are the flip side of the rights. My daughter's pathetic excuse for a father being on her BC doesn't affect us because he's not bothered with her, thus any claim he made to court or whatever would (hopefully) be laughed out. My solicitor assures me that FOB won't have a leg to stand on

xx

 

[future_numan]

I just wonder what the long term effect would be on the child when they find out their bio. father was not listed on the birth cert..

I think I would be even more hurt that half of who I am is not listed on my birth cert..

Some men don't deserve to be fathers to these wonderful children, but they did father the children.. if you get what I mean !

 

[fantastica]

Where I live (channel islands) if the parents are unmarried then even if the father is namd on the certificate it is still the mother who has sole responsability for the child. Infact it's only recently that they changed the law so that (if unmarried) a child can take it's father's surname. It means that a dad would have to apply for joint responsability, which I suppose gets rid of the dilemma many mums think about in the rest of the UK, he can't just come in and make things difficult at any given time.

Suppose it's slightly unfair on some dads, but it works if there's a problem.

 

[allaboard]

Haven't read all this thread, sorry if i repeat anything.

My son has his "father" on this birth certificate, despite this man not paying much interest during my pregnancy - whilst telling me how much he loved me etc, he rarely came to see me when i needed help and was left alone to cope much of the time. It was a very confusing time for me with regards to his intentions in the future, but i wouldn't dream of my son having a big blank space for father on his BC. That's just wrong to me unless the man is abusive.

Of course, the upshot of this is that this man, who hasn't seen or paid for his son for a few years now, has automatic parental responsibility as he's recognised as the father on the BC. I don't mind this, as i would like his to me in my son's life, but he obviously doesn't want to be so his loss really. Irrespective of gaining PR through being put on the BC, if a man wants contact or not, he'll achieve whatever path he wants to go down.