Not sure how to handle this one....suggestions?

[proudparent88]

So I won't be with the baby's father when the baby is born. I was not planning on putting his name anywhere on the birth certificate but some people are telling me that this is wrong! I wanted to use my last name for the baby and just let the father part blank for fear if he is listed he could come and take the baby and I would not be able to stop him since there would be no custody order. I do plan though to file for Child support for both kids my 2 year old and the new baby! I wouldn't need his name listed for that as they can do a paternity test and I know he is the father because I have never been unfaithful. How do I handle this? Do I add his name but still give the baby my last name (which is what I really want to do) or do I let it blank? I feel so lost in all this because my plans are all changing since everything with him will be ending and I need to re-figure everything out.

 

[Mummafrog]

Hey hun, I've read lots of your posts recently about your situation, sending you strength and hugs and I think you're doing the right thing.
Regarding the name; absolutely give your baby your last name! I know lots of people with their mother's last name and I myself have both my parents names. People who say it is wrong just because the male last name should be continued are likely attached to tradition but you're not in a traditional situation and if you think about how the child will feel later, having mostly or completely been raised by you, why would they want the name of a man they don't see? They will proudly wear your name

About putting him on the birth certificate... I don't know what it's like where you are in the world but here in the UK if the mother and father are not married then they both need to be present at the registry office to sign the birth certificate and then they both have equal legal rights of the child. If the parents are married then one of them can register the baby and both parents will have equal rights.
If you don't want this man to have rights over the child and he isn't interested in his rights either (I gather from what you've said before) then I would just put your name on the certificate.
I have no knowledge of how that would effect child support though.

So in my view, give your baby the name of its strong, wonderful mummy and if the father doesn't want to be involved or you don't want him involved, there is no need to put him on the birth certificate.
In the UK if the father isn't on the birth certificate then the next of kin to look after the child if something were to happen to the mother, is the closest family member, i.e the grandmother.

Good luck with this decision! x

 

[JJKCB]

if you apply and have a paternity test to get child support he doesnt need the name on the certificate, as soon as paternity is scientifically proven he can take you to court in response to child support and claim custody anyway

what you want doesn't exist... you cant solely have your child without him but still expect him to pay (unless he has life in jail or has lost the right to children via pedophilia etc... but thats rare and not your issue im guessing)

also dont refuse your child a father because of your personal issues... their relationship should not be governed by your problems

 

[RubyRainbows]

Sorry to hear! I was in a similar situation when I was preggo with my son.

I say leave it blank on the birth certificate (if you guys are on bad terms). If he wants it added later - then it's his responsibility to go to court/pay the fees to make that happen.

I would DEFINATELY say to give the baby your last name. I always think the baby should have the mom's last name (if mom & dad have the same last name bc they're married.... than it works out wonderfully - if mom doesn't - the baby should have mom's maiden name.) I would hate to fill out forms, doctor's paperwork, school paperwork, etc and for me and my son to have different last names!

Once you go thru Domestics and file for child support, he will have rights and will be granted visitation (as long as he is safe/fit).... which is of course ideal. You want your child to have a good relationship with his/her father. And if you & him can get along and be on good terms that's even better. You have a lifetime ahead of you to co-parent and it will go a lot smoother if you guys can get "on the same page" so to speak.

I realize that doesn't always happen tho! Good luck!