Not sure how to shake this feeling

[willowblossom]

I'm not really sure where to post this but here it goes.
I have 3 beautiful children, 6, 4 and 5 months. I am so happy and feel very complete with our family.
I hates pregnancy with all of them and was even a bit down at the end of my last pregnancy because I hated it so much. My last labour, although not bad, did not go how I wanted it to. I planned another homebirth and had to be transferred to hospital as I wasn't progressing. It was my most stressful and painful labour of them all and I never want to go through that or the postnatal stuff again. The after pains were horrific and I forgot how painful feeding was at the beginning.
Anyway I am so done having babies!

But the last couple of weeks I feel myself getting jealous of other pregnant ladies, for no reason at all. Yesterday I even saw one of the midwives I had during my labour, go into the house next door. Since then I've been feeling really down for no reason.
What is wrong with me! I feel like I'm acting like a child! I haven't spoken to anyone about it as it just sounds ridiculous! Am I alone? Is this some sort of PND?
Otherwise I feel fine in myself.
I just hate feeling like this and want it to go away. Any advice or experience with this I much appreciated

 

[Wish2BMom]

Hi Willow!
First off, I'm sure you're not the only one. I am actually a little jealous of other pregnant women too, but I had a great pregnancy. But I find myself a little jealous of that special period, the extra attention, the fun things happening. I'm not sure if that's your source of jealousy. From your description, I'd think not. Are you perhaps jealous b/c they look like they are having a "better" pregnancy than you did and maybe you'd, *just once*, want to have a better one where everything works out as you'd planned? I'd think that's completely normal!!
Just remember - what you see is not often what is going on! They could have just gotten off a night of 1 hr of sleep total or be dealing with ridiculous aches and pains too!

again, I have no idea if this is what is happening, but you don't need to feel ashamed of it. If it bothers you that it's happening at all, maybe call your OB's office and see if you can talk to someone? From what I've heard, hormones are still raging for a full year after giving birth.

 

[KatBar]

Hi Willow,
I'm not sure if this is the exact same thing, but even tho I'm very happy with our two boys (ones almost 3 and the other just shy of 4 months), I do get weird jealously towards other pregnant mums.
I don't really feel I want any more kids.. I'd always plan to have only 2, and because I do get postnatal anxiety and have to go on zoloft, the first 2-4 weeks post partum are not fun. Add on top of that, having my second son get silent reflux, cows milk allergy and a floppy larynx, and it's pretty much taken a good 3 months to finally be at a good place with our latest addition.

We had infertility troubles (husband has a low amount of normal sperm and not great movement), and used IVF to conceive our first. For our second, we had frozen embryos from our last cycle but went through 3 miscarriages in a row before conceiving our latest miracle naturally.

On one hand I'm beyond grateful for ourboys and know I'm one of the lucky ones. On the other hand, I think my jealousy stems from seeing all our friends have it easy (literally all of our friends have got pregnant first or second go, and we've got 10+ friends with multiple kids).

Its not that I want it to be hard for them (not the case at all). I'm jealousof missing out on that carefree excitement of "just falling pregnant as planned". Whilst we are lucky, we didn't have the easy, stressfree transition into parenthood. Our journey was full of tears, massive financial expensive, and worry and stress over becoming parents at all, and then whether we'd be able to give our first son a sibling. After 3 misscarraiges in a row, I didn't enjoy a lot of my last pregnancy, as I just wanted it to be over and have my son happy and healthy in my arms, knowing he was going to be ok.

I'm also a little sentimental that that part of our life is over, despite all the troubles. There is nothing as special and life changing as having children, particularly your first one. It is a special time. As is watching your children grow.

So maybe not for all the same reasons, but I do think you're not alone, or weird, in having those feelings!

 

[Wish2BMom]

^^ couldn't agree more with you, kat - we had 4 yrs of struggles ourselves, a few miscarriages, etc. I was completely jealous of those friends that just got pregnant, though I wouldn't wish our struggles on anyone. I remember asking one friend, when she told us she was pregnant (12 weeks I think she was) if she already had scans or tests and she was like 'nah - I think I have one coming up in a few weeks but no biggie'. Oh...right...that's what happens in the NORMAL world of getting pregnant.

I'm so sorry for what you had to endure but am very happy for your complete family.

 

[KatBar]

^^ couldn't agree more with you, kat - we had 4 yrs of struggles ourselves, a few miscarriages, etc. I was completely jealous of those friends that just got pregnant, though I wouldn't wish our struggles on anyone. I remember asking one friend, when she told us she was pregnant (12 weeks I think she was) if she already had scans or tests and she was like 'nah - I think I have one coming up in a few weeks but no biggie'. Oh...right...that's what happens in the NORMAL world of getting pregnant.

I'm so sorry for what you had to endure but am very happy for your complete family.

Thanks Wish! It's just not quite the same process when you go through infertility struggles hey. It's really a shame it can't be straightforward for everyone, but I am still very thankful to be in my position when I know others online are still struggling .
Big hugs to you! Lovely to see you've also got a couple of boys after all you've been through .

 

[BunnyN]

I think being pregnant, giving birth and having a newborn is so special. Nothing else is like it and it lasts such a short time. For me it was also pretty miserable for a good part of it. It is so all consuming in both good and bad ways that while you are in the middle of it it is hard to image a time when pregnancy and babies won't be the center of your life and it is strange when that phase of your life finishes. I thought our family was done until we recently got a surprise. I am a mixture of delighted and horrified to be going through it again.!

 

[willowblossom]

Thank you everyone. Thanks for sharing your stories. I am very blessed to have my little family.like you said bunny I'm guessing it must be sadness that the special time is over and maybe also a bit of sadness I didn't get the labour I wanted. Plus I haven't slept in almost 5 months lol! Thanks so much for sharing and I'm glad you l got through your tough times. I'm trying to focus on the future rather than looking back at everything xx