not sure I dare even ask it...

[Desperado167]

On my feel even more sad now! I lost my lovely Dad only last year and it filled me with complete panic that he would never see, hold, kiss my baby(and he loved little babies)....now my Mum seems to have filled that spot....

Baby4MJ and Onmymind, I agree I know it sounds selfish not to adopt but apart from the fact that I know DH wouldn't consider it, I want a mini me/mini him....who we are and where we're from to live on through them....

All your 'Daddy' stories are wonderful, they really are the first and most important men in our lives aren't they?

BIG hugs girls, I know EXACTLY how you're all feeling

 

[Baby4MJ]

On my feel even more sad now! I lost my lovely Dad only last year and it filled me with complete panic that he would never see, hold, kiss my baby(and he loved little babies)....now my Mum seems to have filled that spot....

My nieces were my dad's absolutely world...children and animals were his heart...and it breaks my heart to think my children (if God sees fit to allow me to have any) will never know what a wonderful "Bompa" they would've had. My mom is not really a "kid person", and even if she were, she lives 3 hours away, so she will not be able to fill that gaping empty space left by the loss of my dad. It makes me sad to think of it...

Baby4MJ and Onmymind, I agree I know it sounds selfish not to adopt but apart from the fact that I know DH wouldn't consider it, I want a mini me/mini him....who we are and where we're from to live on through them....

I agree 100% re: wanting a mini-me/mini-him...moreso I want a mini-him. DH is an only child who lost his dad when he was just 10, so I know he would be over the moon with it if we did have a mini-DH...

 

[Jax41]

I don't think anyone should feel guilty for the decisions they make regarding becoming a parent, not becoming a parent, adopting or not adopting

DH & I have discussed adoption a lot as we were warned in 2009 that without IVF we may not get a BFP and we are not candidates for IVF on NHS. We have made the decision not to pay for IVF, not to use sperm donors or donor eggs and after looking into adoption and realise it is not the right option for us.

It may seem selfish but I want a biological child that is me and DH and if that doesn't happen naturally then we have to live with that and the heartache that will bring with it.

Don't think you're selfish at all wanting a bio child by you and your DH hun, I feel the same! And at the end of the day that's what all of us here are trying to achieve and we WILL get there!!!x

 

[Jax41]

On my feel even more sad now! I lost my lovely Dad only last year and it filled me with complete panic that he would never see, hold, kiss my baby(and he loved little babies)....now my Mum seems to have filled that spot....

My nieces were my dad's absolutely world...children and animals were his heart...and it breaks my heart to think my children (if God sees fit to allow me to have any) will never know what a wonderful "Bompa" they would've had. My mom is not really a "kid person", and even if she were, she lives 3 hours away, so she will not be able to fill that gaping empty space left by the loss of my dad. It makes me sad to think of it...

Baby4MJ and Onmymind, I agree I know it sounds selfish not to adopt but apart from the fact that I know DH wouldn't consider it, I want a mini me/mini him....who we are and where we're from to live on through them....

I agree 100% re: wanting a mini-me/mini-him...moreso I want a mini-him. DH is an only child who lost his dad when he was just 10, so I know he would be over the moon with it if we did have a mini-DH...

Baby4MJ I feel so sad for you hun, and not having our Dad's here to share the joy when it happens will bring a whole new load of emotions.... I keep asking my Dad to put in a good word for me when the big man floats by, I guess he's still trying to find him!! Just keep focusing and trying to get that little 'mini him' for your DH, surely it must to happen for you both soon

AFM if I am lucky enough to have a little boy then I'd like to use both our Dad's names for him as neither of them are here now....x

 

[Ruth2307]

I'm sure you won't mind me posting here. Less than a month ago I was asking the same question. It is still extremely early days for me and anything could happen so I know I'm not out of the woods yet. Besides, with my unexpected change of circumstances (single parent status) I can't help but think what my life would be like if I hadn't got my BFP and maybe what I would be planning instead (IYKWIM)

I remember shortly after having my HSG and discovering I had a blocked tube I was thinking that it was never going to happen (i.e. at least one conception in my life) and I read these women's stories:

https://www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/FertilityForest/?id=50

Please don't think that I'm writing you off or I'm suggesting that you join 'More to Life' or anything like that. I just remember thinking that the articles gave me a) comfort that I wasn't a freak for feeling the way I did b) reminded me of the good things I do have, which so many others (including those with children) don't have and most importantly c) HOPE!

It doesn't take away the sheer pain or disappointment while you're going through the BFNs or waiting for the big O but reflecting on those women's stories at the time certainly made it easier to bear.

 

[Baby4MJ]

On my feel even more sad now! I lost my lovely Dad only last year and it filled me with complete panic that he would never see, hold, kiss my baby(and he loved little babies)....now my Mum seems to have filled that spot....

My nieces were my dad's absolutely world...children and animals were his heart...and it breaks my heart to think my children (if God sees fit to allow me to have any) will never know what a wonderful "Bompa" they would've had. My mom is not really a "kid person", and even if she were, she lives 3 hours away, so she will not be able to fill that gaping empty space left by the loss of my dad. It makes me sad to think of it...

Baby4MJ and Onmymind, I agree I know it sounds selfish not to adopt but apart from the fact that I know DH wouldn't consider it, I want a mini me/mini him....who we are and where we're from to live on through them....

I agree 100% re: wanting a mini-me/mini-him...moreso I want a mini-him. DH is an only child who lost his dad when he was just 10, so I know he would be over the moon with it if we did have a mini-DH...

Baby4MJ I feel so sad for you hun, and not having our Dad's here to share the joy when it happens will bring a whole new load of emotions.... I keep asking my Dad to put in a good word for me when the big man floats by, I guess he's still trying to find him!! Just keep focusing and trying to get that little 'mini him' for your DH, surely it must to happen for you both soon

AFM if I am lucky enough to have a little boy then I'd like to use both our Dad's names for him as neither of them are here now....x

I actually talk to my dad and my DH's dad (though I've never met him, of course) pretty often...I tell them they've already got 3 of our kids to play with up there, time to let us have one now!

Some days I feel like it will happen for us, and others I feel like there's not a hope in the world it will ever happen. Today is a "hope" day for some reason...but that could change with the wind...lol

Thanks for all the kind words and support, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. No one teaches us "kids" how to deal with losing our parents. It leaves you a different person for sure I think...
Here's praying that our s happen for both of us and we're holding our mini-me's and mini-DH's soon!
to you and loads of sticky to us all!!

 

[onmymind17]

Well i guess for me I never really thought about having children, then i met my dh, and he really wants kids, well then i caught the fever of it. We have struggled for 3 years, with 4 losses, and it breaks my heart that i cant give my DH what he mosts wants. I guess i am kind of already in the stage of its never going to happen. As for us, we have decided that if we cannot have a bfp then we will go on cruises, and maybe to Hawaii, and do things and buy things that we would not be able to do with a child. It does not make it any easier, but what can you do, i love my DH so very much, and i am so thankful and blessed to have him and my wonderful dog in our lives. I could not adopt, i know that sounds bad, but my dad passed away 2 years ago and he meant everything to me, and i feel like if i adopted, or used donar eggs that my dad would be lost, am i making any sense?

It's as if I wrote this myself, OMM. It's been 3 years since I lost my dad, and you've summed it up perfectly how I feel about him as well (you and I have a lot in common across the forums where our dads are concerned I think ). I feel so selfish about it sometimes, but adoption and donor eggs are not on the table for DH and me either. I want to look into the face of my child and see my DH's eyes...or see him or her lift an eyebrow at me the way my dad used to when he thought I was being crazy ("The Belushi Brow" my family calls it - both my nieces can do this and it never fails to make me think of my dad every time they do it https://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee185/syatherley/Smileys/Smiley-YahooRaisedEyebrow.gif). I want to see my dad's mannerisms and sense of humor live on...so as selfish as it may seem to others, that's how DH and I both feel. We want our child to be part of us and to carry on parts of the ones we love.

Oh i have tears in my eyes right now, this is EXACTLY how i feel. I think adoption is a wonderful thing, but i want to see my dad, and my grandmother, my dads mom in my childs eyes. I also want to see my DH every time i look at him/her, i want a child that is a piece of our love that we have for each other, i am sorry if i upset anybody, there is absolutly nothing wrong with using donor eggs, or adopting, its just not for me, my desire to have a piece of my dad back is just too strong. LOL, you and i defiantly have a link!!

 

[onmymind17]

I could not adopt, i know that sounds bad, but my dad passed away 2 years ago and he meant everything to me, and i feel like if i adopted, or used donar eggs that my dad would be lost, am i making any sense?

i always wanted to adopt until my dad passed away almost 4 years ago and since then i feel like i want to have one naturally...to get a piece of him back, somehow...

still want to adopt, as well, though

awwww I know exactly how you feel....my dad passed away 8 years ago and Im still devastated, having a baby without him around is going to be sooooo hard. I got married without him being there and that was bad enough. I hope to have a boy so I can give him my dads name as his middle name.

Oh big hugs to you, i was fortunate that my dad lived long enough to walk me down the aisle, he passed away about a month after our 1 year anniversary. I will pray that soon you will have a child to carry on his name!!

 

[onmymind17]

Oh my feel even more sad now! I lost my lovely Dad only last year and it filled me with complete panic that he would never see, hold, kiss my baby(and he loved little babies)....now my Mum seems to have filled that spot....

Baby4MJ and Onmymind, I agree I know it sounds selfish not to adopt but apart from the fact that I know DH wouldn't consider it, I want a mini me/mini him....who we are and where we're from to live on through them....

All your 'Daddy' stories are wonderful, they really are the first and most important men in our lives aren't they?

BIG hugs girls, I know EXACTLY how you're all feeling

Oh i am so sorry for your loss!!! Dont you worry though he will see and love your children!! I know that all our dads are so proud of us. I too am lucky, i still have my mom, but as much as i love her, its not the same, i miss my dad so much, and i can only hope and pray that one day i will have a child that looks just like him.

 

[onmymind17]

On my feel even more sad now! I lost my lovely Dad only last year and it filled me with complete panic that he would never see, hold, kiss my baby(and he loved little babies)....now my Mum seems to have filled that spot....

My nieces were my dad's absolutely world...children and animals were his heart...and it breaks my heart to think my children (if God sees fit to allow me to have any) will never know what a wonderful "Bompa" they would've had. My mom is not really a "kid person", and even if she were, she lives 3 hours away, so she will not be able to fill that gaping empty space left by the loss of my dad. It makes me sad to think of it...

Baby4MJ and Onmymind, I agree I know it sounds selfish not to adopt but apart from the fact that I know DH wouldn't consider it, I want a mini me/mini him....who we are and where we're from to live on through them....

I agree 100% re: wanting a mini-me/mini-him...moreso I want a mini-him. DH is an only child who lost his dad when he was just 10, so I know he would be over the moon with it if we did have a mini-DH...

Baby4MJ I feel so sad for you hun, and not having our Dad's here to share the joy when it happens will bring a whole new load of emotions.... I keep asking my Dad to put in a good word for me when the big man floats by, I guess he's still trying to find him!! Just keep focusing and trying to get that little 'mini him' for your DH, surely it must to happen for you both soon

AFM if I am lucky enough to have a little boy then I'd like to use both our Dad's names for him as neither of them are here now....x

I actually talk to my dad and my DH's dad (though I've never met him, of course) pretty often...I tell them they've already got 3 of our kids to play with up there, time to let us have one now!

Some days I feel like it will happen for us, and others I feel like there's not a hope in the world it will ever happen. Today is a "hope" day for some reason...but that could change with the wind...lol

Thanks for all the kind words and support, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. No one teaches us "kids" how to deal with losing our parents. It leaves you a different person for sure I think...
Here's praying that our s happen for both of us and we're holding our mini-me's and mini-DH's soon!
to you and loads of sticky to us all!!

I do the same thing, he has 4 of them up there with him, i tell him you have enough, its time for me to love one of them here. And i also have good and bad days, well actually weeks lol, right now i am in the it will never happen stage, but i know in a couple of weeks i will be right back to knowing it will happen lol. I do believe that it will happen for each of us. I guess for me i am so afraid that even if i get a bfp, it wont stick, but it just has to work one of these times right?

 

[onmymind17]

Ladies thank you all so much for your support and love. I sometimes get a hard time about not wanting to adopt or use donor eggs, i am so happy to hear from you ladies, that is not such a bad thing.

 

[dachsundmom]

Ladies thank you all so much for your support and love. I sometimes get a hard time about not wanting to adopt or use donor eggs, i am so happy to hear from you ladies, that is not such a bad thing.

We're all here to support each other, even when we differ, lol. I think a lot of people assume I would want to adopt because I'm adopted, but it's just not the case. I am terrified of it. But, for those of you considering it- I am just like my dad, mannerisms, attitude, and personality. Lol.

 

[Baby4MJ]

On my feel even more sad now! I lost my lovely Dad only last year and it filled me with complete panic that he would never see, hold, kiss my baby(and he loved little babies)....now my Mum seems to have filled that spot....

My nieces were my dad's absolutely world...children and animals were his heart...and it breaks my heart to think my children (if God sees fit to allow me to have any) will never know what a wonderful "Bompa" they would've had. My mom is not really a "kid person", and even if she were, she lives 3 hours away, so she will not be able to fill that gaping empty space left by the loss of my dad. It makes me sad to think of it...

Baby4MJ and Onmymind, I agree I know it sounds selfish not to adopt but apart from the fact that I know DH wouldn't consider it, I want a mini me/mini him....who we are and where we're from to live on through them....

I agree 100% re: wanting a mini-me/mini-him...moreso I want a mini-him. DH is an only child who lost his dad when he was just 10, so I know he would be over the moon with it if we did have a mini-DH...

Baby4MJ I feel so sad for you hun, and not having our Dad's here to share the joy when it happens will bring a whole new load of emotions.... I keep asking my Dad to put in a good word for me when the big man floats by, I guess he's still trying to find him!! Just keep focusing and trying to get that little 'mini him' for your DH, surely it must to happen for you both soon

AFM if I am lucky enough to have a little boy then I'd like to use both our Dad's names for him as neither of them are here now....x

I actually talk to my dad and my DH's dad (though I've never met him, of course) pretty often...I tell them they've already got 3 of our kids to play with up there, time to let us have one now!

Some days I feel like it will happen for us, and others I feel like there's not a hope in the world it will ever happen. Today is a "hope" day for some reason...but that could change with the wind...lol

Thanks for all the kind words and support, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. No one teaches us "kids" how to deal with losing our parents. It leaves you a different person for sure I think...
Here's praying that our s happen for both of us and we're holding our mini-me's and mini-DH's soon!
to you and loads of sticky to us all!!

I do the same thing, he has 4 of them up there with him, i tell him you have enough, its time for me to love one of them here. And i also have good and bad days, well actually weeks lol, right now i am in the it will never happen stage, but i know in a couple of weeks i will be right back to knowing it will happen lol. I do believe that it will happen for each of us. I guess for me i am so afraid that even if i get a bfp, it wont stick, but it just has to work one of these times right?

We can only hope and pray, OMM. That's the thing, though...I know if I ever get another BFP (God, please)...will it be the one that finally sticks, or will it just be another heartbreak? The last time I got a BFP (last summer), instead of joy, I just broke down crying in fear because I just knew it wasn't meant to be...and it wasn't...it was m/c #3 I've heard so many stories of women going through multiple m/cs (6+) before finally getting that sticky bean...which gives me both hope and paralyzing fear. It's a wonder we're all able to get through each day, with the thoughts that weigh on us. (uh-oh...I think the wind just changed, because there goes my hope with it...lol...)

 

[onmymind17]

On my feel even more sad now! I lost my lovely Dad only last year and it filled me with complete panic that he would never see, hold, kiss my baby(and he loved little babies)....now my Mum seems to have filled that spot....

My nieces were my dad's absolutely world...children and animals were his heart...and it breaks my heart to think my children (if God sees fit to allow me to have any) will never know what a wonderful "Bompa" they would've had. My mom is not really a "kid person", and even if she were, she lives 3 hours away, so she will not be able to fill that gaping empty space left by the loss of my dad. It makes me sad to think of it...

Baby4MJ and Onmymind, I agree I know it sounds selfish not to adopt but apart from the fact that I know DH wouldn't consider it, I want a mini me/mini him....who we are and where we're from to live on through them....

I agree 100% re: wanting a mini-me/mini-him...moreso I want a mini-him. DH is an only child who lost his dad when he was just 10, so I know he would be over the moon with it if we did have a mini-DH...

Baby4MJ I feel so sad for you hun, and not having our Dad's here to share the joy when it happens will bring a whole new load of emotions.... I keep asking my Dad to put in a good word for me when the big man floats by, I guess he's still trying to find him!! Just keep focusing and trying to get that little 'mini him' for your DH, surely it must to happen for you both soon

AFM if I am lucky enough to have a little boy then I'd like to use both our Dad's names for him as neither of them are here now....x

I actually talk to my dad and my DH's dad (though I've never met him, of course) pretty often...I tell them they've already got 3 of our kids to play with up there, time to let us have one now!

Some days I feel like it will happen for us, and others I feel like there's not a hope in the world it will ever happen. Today is a "hope" day for some reason...but that could change with the wind...lol

Thanks for all the kind words and support, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. No one teaches us "kids" how to deal with losing our parents. It leaves you a different person for sure I think...
Here's praying that our s happen for both of us and we're holding our mini-me's and mini-DH's soon!
to you and loads of sticky to us all!!

I do the same thing, he has 4 of them up there with him, i tell him you have enough, its time for me to love one of them here. And i also have good and bad days, well actually weeks lol, right now i am in the it will never happen stage, but i know in a couple of weeks i will be right back to knowing it will happen lol. I do believe that it will happen for each of us. I guess for me i am so afraid that even if i get a bfp, it wont stick, but it just has to work one of these times right?

We can only hope and pray, OMM. That's the thing, though...I know if I ever get another BFP (God, please)...will it be the one that finally sticks, or will it just be another heartbreak? The last time I got a BFP (last summer), instead of joy, I just broke down crying in fear because I just knew it wasn't meant to be...and it wasn't...it was m/c #3 I've heard so many stories of women going through multiple m/cs (6+) before finally getting that sticky bean...which gives me both hope and paralyzing fear. It's a wonder we're all able to get through each day, with the thoughts that weigh on us. (uh-oh...I think the wind just changed, because there goes my hope with it...lol...)

Oh no i am so sorry i did not mean to take your hope away!!! Its so sad for ladies like us, i remember my first bfp, omg i was so excited, then the second one again i was over the moon, by the 4th one, i was like ok a bfp, but will it stick, i remember i got the bfp on a thurs, i had my scheduled blood draw for pg the following tues, hcg was only at 43, the doctor called so excited, me i was crushed, i knew from thurs to tues that the number should have been way higher, sure enough two days later it was down to 25. I cried for a bit, and then moved on, i guess by that time the dream is a bit tarnished, but i do know in my heart that it will work, although i have to say, i have a friend that did IVF twice and now has a son, he is almost 9 months old, and since day one, she has had a battle getting this child to sleep, they are so sleep deprived its not even funny, as much as she loves and adores him, she sent me an email and the first thing she said was "Lucas is going up for adoption" i laughed so hard, and then i though hmmmmm is it really so bad not having a child lol. To be honest with you ladies, it scares the crap out of me, i keep thinking will i be able to handle it, will i be a good mother, but i know deep in my heart the answer is yes, i have God there to guide me, i am one of his children, i learned from the best right. Dont any of you ever give up hope, you can take a break from it all, but never give up hope, it is all we have after all.

 

[sarahincanada]

after reading all these posts never before have I wanted so bad for you all to get your BFPs asap It seems so cruel that here are all these amazing women, ready to give a child an amazing life, and nature is letting them down. I truly believe that we will all get our bfps, might take months, even years, but we will get them!

I also talk to my dad, even this morning I was touching my lower stomach asking him to please help me conceive as I ovulated yesterday! but I know they cant always work miracles (otherwise a lot of us would be winning the lottery lol) but I truly believe that everything happens when its supposed to.

a nice story to share: I met my hubby (9 years ago this friday!!!) 8 months before my dad passed and I know he was sent to me to help me through losing my dad. I was 29 and hubby was 20, I thought no way am I going out with a guy that young but I thought he was so cute so I just went along for a date.

At the time my dad had been ill, and the movie 'meet joe black' was a really emotional movie for me as it reminded me of my close relationship with my dad, and how the dad wanted his daughter to fall head over heels in love. I could barely watch the movie without balling, it felt such a connection to it. Anyway on our first date hubby and I were talking about movies and I said I have a cool movie collection, not too many chick flicks and hubby said "oh theres a great chick flick with brad pitt in it, meet joe black'. I looked at him and said 'ok you have to marry me'....I couldnt believe he had named this one movie that was so special to me.

Fast forward 8 months later, I live in Canada and flew to England for Christmas. found out dad had passed (at the airport, was such a shock, I even had his presents in my suitcase). Hubby came over for the funeral, here he is 20 years old and having to meet my whole family at the worst time. He was great and everyone loved him. We went to see my dad in his casket so he got to 'meet' him. At the end he asked to have a few words alone with my dad, and later he told me he asked for my hand in marriage. we got married 2 years later on my dads bday.

I dont know how I would have gotten through my dads passing without my husband. all this happening truly makes me realize that everything happens for a reason and I have to think about that when getting my period every month. I was so close to my dad and I cant wait to see my husband be a father as I know he will be amazing.

anyway thanks for listening

 

[sarahincanada]

We can only hope and pray, OMM. That's the thing, though...I know if I ever get another BFP (God, please)...will it be the one that finally sticks, or will it just be another heartbreak? The last time I got a BFP (last summer), instead of joy, I just broke down crying in fear because I just knew it wasn't meant to be...and it wasn't...it was m/c #3 I've heard so many stories of women going through multiple m/cs (6+) before finally getting that sticky bean...which gives me both hope and paralyzing fear. It's a wonder we're all able to get through each day, with the thoughts that weigh on us. (uh-oh...I think the wind just changed, because there goes my hope with it...lol...)

my mum had about 4 MC's before me, so it can definitely happen, dont give up hope. sometimes I think about what if one of those pregnancies had happened, I wouldnt be here. I hope you getting your sticky baby very soon

 

[Indigo77]

found out dad had passed (at the airport, was such a shock, I even had his presents in my suitcase). Hubby came over for the funeral, here he is 20 years old and having to meet my whole family at the worst time. He was great and everyone loved him. We went to see my dad in his casket so he got to 'meet' him. At the end he asked to have a few words alone with my dad, and later he told me he asked for my hand in marriage. we got married 2 years later on my dads bday.

this story gave me chills....

 

[dachsundmom]

after reading all these posts never before have I wanted so bad for you all to get your BFPs asap It seems so cruel that here are all these amazing women, ready to give a child an amazing life, and nature is letting them down. I truly believe that we will all get our bfps, might take months, even years, but we will get them!

I also talk to my dad, even this morning I was touching my lower stomach asking him to please help me conceive as I ovulated yesterday! but I know they cant always work miracles (otherwise a lot of us would be winning the lottery lol) but I truly believe that everything happens when its supposed to.

a nice story to share: I met my hubby (9 years ago this friday!!!) 8 months before my dad passed and I know he was sent to me to help me through losing my dad. I was 29 and hubby was 20, I thought no way am I going out with a guy that young but I thought he was so cute so I just went along for a date.

At the time my dad had been ill, and the movie 'meet joe black' was a really emotional movie for me as it reminded me of my close relationship with my dad, and how the dad wanted his daughter to fall head over heels in love. I could barely watch the movie without balling, it felt such a connection to it. Anyway on our first date hubby and I were talking about movies and I said I have a cool movie collection, not too many chick flicks and hubby said "oh theres a great chick flick with brad pitt in it, meet joe black'. I looked at him and said 'ok you have to marry me'....I couldnt believe he had named this one movie that was so special to me.

Fast forward 8 months later, I live in Canada and flew to England for Christmas. found out dad had passed (at the airport, was such a shock, I even had his presents in my suitcase). Hubby came over for the funeral, here he is 20 years old and having to meet my whole family at the worst time. He was great and everyone loved him. We went to see my dad in his casket so he got to 'meet' him. At the end he asked to have a few words alone with my dad, and later he told me he asked for my hand in marriage. we got married 2 years later on my dads bday.

I dont know how I would have gotten through my dads passing without my husband. all this happening truly makes me realize that everything happens for a reason and I have to think about that when getting my period every month. I was so close to my dad and I cant wait to see my husband be a father as I know he will be amazing.

anyway thanks for listening

I love your story and of course, nothing is ever bad when Brad Pitt is involved, lol. My DH is younger than I am as well and I balked at it when we first met, but in the end-age is just a number, kind of like TTC.

I was always more of a mother's girl. I am an only child and she was a SAHM, so we spent a lot of time together. Eight years ago she passed away from pancreatic cancer, ironically on Mother's Day. It has been hard since she died and it really took me a few years before I even felt functional again.

It's hard and I often wonder how she would look at my life now- younger DH, TTC at 38....it breaks my heart that she never met Nate or got to see my DD grow up. It really doesn't get easier, does it? Lol

 

[sarahincanada]

after reading all these posts never before have I wanted so bad for you all to get your BFPs asap It seems so cruel that here are all these amazing women, ready to give a child an amazing life, and nature is letting them down. I truly believe that we will all get our bfps, might take months, even years, but we will get them!

I also talk to my dad, even this morning I was touching my lower stomach asking him to please help me conceive as I ovulated yesterday! but I know they cant always work miracles (otherwise a lot of us would be winning the lottery lol) but I truly believe that everything happens when its supposed to.

a nice story to share: I met my hubby (9 years ago this friday!!!) 8 months before my dad passed and I know he was sent to me to help me through losing my dad. I was 29 and hubby was 20, I thought no way am I going out with a guy that young but I thought he was so cute so I just went along for a date.

At the time my dad had been ill, and the movie 'meet joe black' was a really emotional movie for me as it reminded me of my close relationship with my dad, and how the dad wanted his daughter to fall head over heels in love. I could barely watch the movie without balling, it felt such a connection to it. Anyway on our first date hubby and I were talking about movies and I said I have a cool movie collection, not too many chick flicks and hubby said "oh theres a great chick flick with brad pitt in it, meet joe black'. I looked at him and said 'ok you have to marry me'....I couldnt believe he had named this one movie that was so special to me.

Fast forward 8 months later, I live in Canada and flew to England for Christmas. found out dad had passed (at the airport, was such a shock, I even had his presents in my suitcase). Hubby came over for the funeral, here he is 20 years old and having to meet my whole family at the worst time. He was great and everyone loved him. We went to see my dad in his casket so he got to 'meet' him. At the end he asked to have a few words alone with my dad, and later he told me he asked for my hand in marriage. we got married 2 years later on my dads bday.

I dont know how I would have gotten through my dads passing without my husband. all this happening truly makes me realize that everything happens for a reason and I have to think about that when getting my period every month. I was so close to my dad and I cant wait to see my husband be a father as I know he will be amazing.

anyway thanks for listening

I love your story and of course, nothing is ever bad when Brad Pitt is involved, lol. My DH is younger than I am as well and I balked at it when we first met, but in the end-age is just a number, kind of like TTC.

I was always more of a mother's girl. I am an only child and she was a SAHM, so we spent a lot of time together. Eight years ago she passed away from pancreatic cancer, ironically on Mother's Day. It has been hard since she died and it really took me a few years before I even felt functional again.

It's hard and I often wonder how she would look at my life now- younger DH, TTC at 38....it breaks my heart that she never met Nate or got to see my DD grow up. It really doesn't get easier, does it? Lol

it never gets easier, I am still not the same, never will be. I think Baby4MJ said it best

No one teaches us "kids" how to deal with losing our parents. It leaves you a different person for sure I think...

even though your mum is not physically there she is definitely with you every step of the way, same for my dad. I just wish he could help my bfp come a little sooner!

 

[Baby4MJ]

I do the same thing, he has 4 of them up there with him, i tell him you have enough, its time for me to love one of them here. And i also have good and bad days, well actually weeks lol, right now i am in the it will never happen stage, but i know in a couple of weeks i will be right back to knowing it will happen lol. I do believe that it will happen for each of us. I guess for me i am so afraid that even if i get a bfp, it wont stick, but it just has to work one of these times right?

We can only hope and pray, OMM. That's the thing, though...I know if I ever get another BFP (God, please)...will it be the one that finally sticks, or will it just be another heartbreak? The last time I got a BFP (last summer), instead of joy, I just broke down crying in fear because I just knew it wasn't meant to be...and it wasn't...it was m/c #3 I've heard so many stories of women going through multiple m/cs (6+) before finally getting that sticky bean...which gives me both hope and paralyzing fear. It's a wonder we're all able to get through each day, with the thoughts that weigh on us. (uh-oh...I think the wind just changed, because there goes my hope with it...lol...)

Oh no i am so sorry i did not mean to take your hope away!!! Its so sad for ladies like us, i remember my first bfp, omg i was so excited, then the second one again i was over the moon, by the 4th one, i was like ok a bfp, but will it stick, i remember i got the bfp on a thurs, i had my scheduled blood draw for pg the following tues, hcg was only at 43, the doctor called so excited, me i was crushed, i knew from thurs to tues that the number should have been way higher, sure enough two days later it was down to 25. I cried for a bit, and then moved on, i guess by that time the dream is a bit tarnished, but i do know in my heart that it will work, although i have to say, i have a friend that did IVF twice and now has a son, he is almost 9 months old, and since day one, she has had a battle getting this child to sleep, they are so sleep deprived its not even funny, as much as she loves and adores him, she sent me an email and the first thing she said was "Lucas is going up for adoption" i laughed so hard, and then i though hmmmmm is it really so bad not having a child lol. To be honest with you ladies, it scares the crap out of me, i keep thinking will i be able to handle it, will i be a good mother, but i know deep in my heart the answer is yes, i have God there to guide me, i am one of his children, i learned from the best right. Dont any of you ever give up hope, you can take a break from it all, but never give up hope, it is all we have after all.

OK, my hope is back now. ...LOL
I have to say I go through the same back-and-forth thoughts as you've described. Some days I think it's really going to happen, and others I think maybe I should just take the hint and give up...and then others I wonder if I will even be a good mother at all and really, is my life so bad with just me and DH? Then I look at DH and know I want this for him...for us. But certainly the bloom is off the rose after 2 years of this emotional rollercoaster on the stress express...the excitement we felt with the 1st BFP will never happen again...and with the 2nd, there was some excitement, and everyone told me how they just knew this time it would stick...and it did just long enough to make it a MMC and an incredibly horrible experience. Then there was the 3rd m/c....excitement is pretty much out of the picture permanently. So sometimes I just don't know. We're launching into the home-buying/selling adventure in earnest over the next 2 weeks, and although we are BDing, it's sort of on a back-burner type basis...I'm much more concerned with booking inspectors and getting the basement organized! LOL...Maybe that's a good thing, maybe not? Feeling a bit "whatevs" this round I think...