Not sure what to do with myself

[Rainstar]

Hey to everyone, i'm a newbie

I had a missed miscarriage at 7 and a half weeks and i'm devestated. My scan was breathtaking even though my little one didn't have a heartbeat anymore My other half chose not to come to the scan so i was alone when i found out, i'm trying not to resent him for it as i know he's already regretting not being there, and never getting to see it.

I'm just not sure what to do with myself, it was my first and even though it weren't planned i can't put into words how stongly attached i felt and how much i wanted it. I have lots of people around me but feel incredably alone. I found out tuesday and it was the longest day ever, yet time is very quickly sweeping me away, everything just seemed to happen so fast.

Everybody keeps telling me its natures way and it was meant to be and while i accept that it doesnt make it hurt anyless. I feel pressured into "getting over it" but i think about it every second of the day

Kay x

 

[sweetcheeks85]

So sorry for your loss hun

 

[jen1604]

Sorry for your loss hun.Dont let anyone make you feel pressured into getting over it.Take you time and look after yourself xx

 

[todteach]

Sending you . I have found that having a miscarriage is not something you get over, it is something that you learn to live with. Your grief will get easier, and days won't seem as long. Some people seem so insensitive when it comes to miscarriages, and no fault of their own. They mean well but just don't understand. I wish that I knew nothing about it either. Because people don't see you with a little baby, it's hard for them to understand the bond that you feel towards your little one. It's okay to cry, you have just lost your baby. Don't let anyone tell you any differently. Allow yourself to cry, and try to support your other half as well. He's also hurting. I wish I could jump throught the computer and give you a much needed hug. My heart is aching for you. Take care hun. Here is a poem that I found in an older post, that has helped me with my healing after my first miscarriage:

My Mum she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before.
But from now until the day she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.

Ask my Mum how she is
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
Because she can't describe the pain.

Ask my Mum how she is,
She'll say "I'm alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
Why does she cry each night?

Ask my Mum how she is,
She seems to cope so well.
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.

Ask my Mum how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
For God's sake Mum, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.

She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.

I am here in Heaven.
I can not hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mum,
With all the lies you told!"

 

[toby2]

That poem is so lovely....
am sorry you are going through this,its rubbish and very sad-chat in here, it helps with the feeling alone part, people always want you to be okso they can stop worrying about you!maybe there are one or two people around you who you could tell that,actually you arnt ok and its going to take you a little longer?Glad you got to see your baby on the scan-its nice to have things that you can remeber

 

[Las78]

I'm so sorry, it is devastating hun no matter how far gone you were, it's still your baby and it's ok to grieve and normal to feel the way you do, time does make it a little easier hun, I know thats hard to believe right now. I'm 2 weeks on after m/c at 17w+5 and each day I feel a little stronger and can think about my angel without falling to pieces most of the time but I also felt pressured to "get over it" especially when I went back to work, I have these last few days put on a front, making out I'm all ok and just trying to numb how I feel to get through though really I still feel very alone, very upset that everyone else around me (except OH and I) is going about there day to day lives all nice and happy while I still think about and miss my angel constantly and I'm trying to deal with that by having time on my own each evening to reflect and just Feel and let the emotions out. Allow yourself to grieve hun, if you need to just be on your own for a bit - do it, you need to think about yourself now hun not what other people think, they really have no idea, I don't believe anyone who hasn't had a m/c has any incling of just how devastating it is.

If you need to chat hun, I'm always on and off here so feel free to pm me.

Take good care of you x

 

[surreysharon]

I know exactly how you feel. I found out Tuesday this week, in the same way, and so identify with you. Its early days for us still and we need to let ourselves go at our own pace. I was trying to keep a strong upper lip as my sister is pregnant and everyone is saying 'dont upset her as we dont want her to lose it' but ignoring the fact that i have!!

I have found talking on here is helping me alot

Hug to you x

 

[sunshine83]

So sorry for your loss, its a terrible thing to have to go through for anybody at any stage. Please take care of yourself as best you can, let yourself grieve.

Thinking of you x x

 

[JASMAK]

Some people don't feel comfortable seeing other's grief. This does not mean that you need to go away and hide your feelings, but it does mean that you will hear some well-intended comments that are actually really hurtful. "For the best" is probably the classic. Take your time to grieve, and do things that you need to do. I seek out poetry, and words of songs that describe how I feel. I also write tributes to my angles. I have named all four of my babies too. I personally don't see anything wrong with letting someone with their "well-intended" comments know that they are actually very hurtful. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Barneyboo]

So sorry for you loss x

 

[LeaArr]

I am so sorry for your loss. You take as much time as you need to heal. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise

 

[Rainstar]

Hello everyone,

Thank you all for your heartwarming messages, i'm plodding on as you do. I've been doing some drawing of my scan so i can remember my little one, although i know the image of my scan will never fade.

Thanks for all the hugs too, very much appreciated

Kay x

 

[toby2]

that sounds a lovely think to do rainstar- I wrote a little note to my baby bean. Glad you doing ok
x