Not Sure What To Do

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by loopylou86, Dec 22, 2009.

  1. loopylou86

    loopylou86 Well-Known Member

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    Here is my story..... Pregnancy wasn’t planned but we weren't exactly being safe so knew the consequences and as it happened, I am 5 weeks today. Got my BFP last week.

    Now we both live at home and obviously its going to be a major struggle and the main problem is where are we going to live. My thoughts were that we would get a place (somehow) together and support each other but it seems thats not the plan for him.

    After talking last night, it seems he wants us to stay out our own homes after the baby is born, save and then move out. Now, I cant stay at home with my mum as not enough room and house is already over-crowded but seems he has no intention of moving out, so I am kind of on my own with this one. I did challenge him and say how was he going to be there? Support me and the baby? Early mornings, late nights, night duty etc etc etc.... It seems he will pop over a couple of times a week, stay maybe and then go back to his life and work (which is very demanding).

    This has really upset me and I really am questioning his commitment and now scared as I think I am going to be alone for most of it and how am I going to find somewhere to live and support my baby?

    Advice welcome – please!
    x
     
  2. sweetlullaby

    sweetlullaby Well-Known Member

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    Hey :flower: firstly :hugs: and welcome!

    I would try not to worry about it all right now... maybe the shocks still there for him in finding out that your pregnant (congrats by the way :)) and he's male they have no idea about responsibility etc and how demanding a baby is!

    Are you's in a relationship still? Because it sounds to me as if he is thinking life can go on for him and he'll have a child and girlfriend that he can just pop over and see when it suits him and basically get the easy side of it all. Which isnt right. He should either be fully involved and committed or not at all type thing. But personally I would give him some time :hugs:

    In regards to housing etc...I would stay at home at the minute and try not to worry about it all. Depending on whether you work or not etc you could apply for housing and get housing benefit etc and things like jobseekers allowance or income support etc and you will become a higher priority for housing because of overcrowding etc (on a points system) Im not complety sure on it all and how it works as I work and am living at home for the meantime!

    But I will say something....Sometimes living at home isnt as bad or as hard as it seems!The support of family and the help they can give you is great! I constantly worried about having space for stuff and noise etc from my younger brothers and enough space to share my room with the baby etc and where would the cot go? Clothes? Changing stuff? Moses basket? Pram? Things like that...but its been ok. Our house is overcrowded as well and my brothers are really loud and messy but once your LO arrives family tend to make a bit more effort to clean up and keep the place tidy etc.

    You will manage though! Yes it'll probably be hard and a struggle but its all possible!

    Sorry i rambled a bit...not sure if any of it is much help. I would just concentrate on your and your LO for the time being and let everything wash over you then later once you have a better idea of whats going on, you can go to the citizens advice bureau and they can help you in terms of what your entitled to and with housing and form filling etc

    xx
     
  3. loopylou86

    loopylou86 Well-Known Member

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    No you didn’t ramble on at all, it really helped. We are still together and I know he wants to be fully involved but I think his ideas are a little unrealistic and to be honest, upsetting. How can we work together when I am at home and he at his house. He will be popping over as and when and the rest is down to me. I know this is going to make my parents angry and the relationship is already fragile.

    I know my mum will be ok with it but I will feel so guilty as I know she will try and push me to sort myself out.

    I feel so caught in the middle and really scared. x
     

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