Not technically TTC but concerns...

[Worried79]

Hi guys

sorry if this is in the wrong place, but couldn't see anywhere else to put it and need advice!

I'm not TTC, but my OH and I did have unprotected sex a few weeks back and I've been worried since. I never really worked out when I was ovulating before, but charting it back it looks like I would have been around the time. I was due AF yesterday and nothing yet. I tested a couple days ago and got negative, but now AF hasn't arrived I'm stressing again.

Bit of background...I've always wanted to have children and being nearly 31, if I am, I'll no doubt eventually be thrilled. However, when I initially told OH he was very supportive, but over the course of a few days he became quite cold. He lives in a different city at the moment so we only get to see each other every few weeks. He has a 13 year old son who lives down south who he still hasn't told about me as he's worried dad having a girlfriend will upset him...he gave this as the reason when I asked him why he'd suddenly gone cold with me...stating that 'he already had kids so this was a bigger deal for him than it was for me'...which hurt me and made me feel so insignificant.

Anyway, I told him there was probably nothing to worry about as test was negative...but now AF is late I'm stressed again and with his seemingly unsupportive attitude I'm even more worried and daren't mention my worries to him...

Sorry this is long and rambling, I can't seem to tell the story properly as brain is hurting!!!

I've had some weird symptoms over the last 2 weeks...but then I keep convincing myself that these are in my head. Including:

Light spotting around the time implantation would occur...
3 days of cramps, constipation, pains quite early on
sore nipples
Headaches
Dizziness
Just an odd feeling that I can't explain....


Worried79



Worried79

 

[LaRockera]

Hi hon

If your question is whether there's a chance you might be pregnant, well, yes there is. But at the same time, it may be stress delaying your AF than a pregnancy. What type of test did you use? If you got a 10ml sensitivity and came negative after the delay of your period, I'd presume chances are on your side. Wait, and test again.

But all that said, and without knowing anything about you or your OH, my question would be, would you like a child?

I know this was not your question, but I'm curious to understand the source of your stress. Is it your partner's reaction? Or do you also feel you don't want a baby?

Don't get be wrong. I know nothing about you, or your partner. But when I read that a man 'goes cold' because of something he very actively participated in, especially a man that already has a child, and he worries about an aspect of his life by kind of putting aside another, makes me kind of mad.

Anyhow, if you can't handle the stress, go to a chemist's and get a 10ml sensitivity test. It should be able to detect a pregnancy at this stage, if a 50ml can't.

Good luck xx

 

[Worried79]

hey, thanks for your reply, much appreciated.

If I do turn out to be pregnant I'll be pleased. I'm nearly 31 and very broody and also in a good situation with career, family, friends etc...so if it turns out I am then I'll be a good mum and i'll try my best to do the best thing, as you would!

As for his response...it wasn't great, was it. Very selfish. Made me reconsider the whole relationship. It made me mad too and hurt. Perhaps it's a wake up call for me.

I just did a ten ML test and got negative, so it's just a wait for AF now. Perhaps it's the worry. I felt disappointed when it wasn't positive, if i'm totally honest, but then again, maybe that's for the best in the circumstances.

Thanks again for your reply!

 

[Worried79]

...and I definatley need to listen to people like you more...cos I'm too soft and stupidly in love and I don't think I'm getting the treatment I deserve!! Some idiot I am... Need to grow a backbone I suppose...

 

[LaRockera]

Oh, honey! First of all you should know you can get all the support you want here. So if you need somebody to talk about it, we'll be more than willing to support you all the way! Or you can pm me if you don't want a public thread.

See, I sensed you may just want to be preggers. Bear in mind that you're not out until AF arrives. All that said, I think now it's a great time to have an honest straightforward talk with your OH. Yes, it's easier said than done, especially when you're in love! But he already has a child while you don't, and he needs to realise that. It is completely understandable that he prioritises his son's well-being, but that doesn't mean he should expect the same from you. Nope, it just doesn't go that way.

May I just ask, how long have you guys been together?

 

[Worried79]

Thank you!!!

We've been together a year and a half, but known each other 11 years. I met him when I was only 19 and we had a summer romance. Then I moved away and we got together a few times over the next 3 years, then we lost touch. I went to uni and had serious relationships, but he was always on my mind. We got back in touch by chance a year and a half ago and it turned out he'd been looking for me all that time too. So here we are. We've talked about marriage and babies and he's said he wants to tell his son about us...but so far he's wimped out. I've never pressured him, but it's getting to the point now that I feel maybe he never will and that has made me question whether he's the right man for me. I've always been understanding about it all, but eventually I want a relationship where everything is out in the open. I'm completely accepting of his son and would love to meet him one day, but he keeps me at arms length from the whole thing. Which I can understand...to a point...but not forever. But then the whole thing with me possibly being pregnant...and his reaction...it's just made me think. I'm broody as hell, but I guess that's just an age thing. God I've waffled on, haven't I!? Sorry!!! Your advice is massively appreciated. x

 

[LaRockera]

Well then, if he does love you, and why should you think he doesn't, maybe you should grab this chance and ask him for an honest, straightforward talk. This doesn't mean you should be aggressive and demand things from him. But you could just explain all those things that have been circling your mind all these days, and the worries that arose as such. I don't think there's anything wrong in your age; in fact I think you are still young, and this is precisely why you need to know what's going on: so that you can decide your own future while you're still young.

Tell him you understand how difficult this may be for his son, and that you're willing to take whatever comes that way, and be patient about it. But at the same time you'd love to start a family one day with him, and that his current reaction showed that he's really scared of such possibility, which in its turns scared you a lot too. Well, just tell him whatever you feel it's right, knowing him and his possible reactions. (I don't want to cause a catastrophe by putting words in your mouth ).

And keep me/us up to date with your AF or the lack of it.

xxx

 

[Worried79]

Yep, you're right, a talk needs to happen. I guess I've known that for a while. Thank you for all your advice and help

Still no AF!!!

 

[LaRockera]

Let me know how this (AF/no AF) goes. I'm genuinely interested.