Not wanting ANY intimacy

[KylasBaby]

I'm also feeling really disconnected from OH. I'm not interested in sex or cuddling or kissing or even really being touched. And it makes me feel terrible! And she reminds me all the time. How I'm not affectionate anymore and don't love her, etc. I tell her it's not true. That my body is doing a lot right now and I'm exhausted all the time and feel sick and gross and yucky, but she can't see that. All she focuses on is how it's affecting her and it makes me feel worse. I don't feel like she really supports me. She wants to be involved in this so I text her with how I'm feeling and all I get is a half assed "sorry" or "ya". And when I say I'm always tired she says I need to ask the doctor about it because no pregnant person she's known has been this tired. It's just really putting a lot of pressure and stress on me. I just want some space, but I can't tell her that because it would start a huge fight. I tell her I'm sick or tired, but all she sees is how it's affecting her and not how it's affecting me. She was great the other day and did a lot of laundry and cleaning and she will sometimes get me stuff so I don't have to get up, but then she gets I to how I'm not affectionate and whatnot and it makes me feel bad. I can't help it right now. I just wish she would support me more right now instead of focusing on how it's affecting her.

Does anyone else feel this way too? I feel horrible about it, but I've tried all I can to change it and I just can't. And no matter what I explain to OH she can't see it from my perspective and makes me feel worse about it. Just wondering if it's only me feeling like this?

 

[lusterleaf]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I think its just hard for her to understand because she's not having the experience, so she doesn't know how exhausting pregnancy can be. As for intimacy I am sort of the same way with DH, when he asks to DTD i am often turning him away because i'm not in the mood, I'm on crinone gel which is making it icky, and also because i'm nervous that something will happen in the first trimester.

I think all you can do for now is explain how much you appreciate her and what she is doing for you, but that this pregnancy is making your hormones all over the place and to not take offense that you need some space right now.

 

[BoobsMcGee22]

Agreed. I am having the same issues with DH and I think it's just because he doesn't understand how it feels. I am trying to be understanding of that fact, but it's nearly impossible with my mood swings.

 

[k4th]

Feeling the same here hun

Maybe buying a baby book so you can work through the weeks together might help her feel more involved? That way you're talking about the baby - but the book is likely to outline how you might be feeling this week too - and I'd bet "exhausted" features heavily in the first tri!!

After ltttc both hubby and I are glad of a dtd break. However - falling asleep on the sofa at 8.30 after refusing to cuddle up because he's too hot isn't going down all that well. I just remind oh that I love him & that first tri will pass.

 

[bebedreamr]

Same here, I just don't have the energy to DTD and work 2 part time jobs with raising an almost 3 year old. I feel bad for my OH as he really is a great man and deserves some loving! So I am going to try to get in the mood.

Its not always easy, but even though you don' feeeeel like it, maybe make a small move to cuddle with her, or compliment her. Then try small improvements from there Hopefully after she feels a little more secure she will show you some compassion!

 

[Kassy]

I'm not enjoying intimacy either. I'm just so uncomfortable, tired and irritable now. Luckily my partner understands.

Have you tried sitting her down and having a proper chat?.

 

[DoodleDoo]

I don't really know what to say other than I feel exactly the same. OH is a really affectionate guy and always likes to kiss/cuddle me. Usually this is great but the thought of making out whilst my stomach is queasy is out of the question. He gets upset by this.

I think it's totally normal. It's supposed to pass after 12/13 weeks. If you can just hang in there and remind her that you love her a little more often than usual in other ways hopefully she'll understand.

 

[KylasBaby]

Hey ladies, thanks for your input. I'm sorry you all are feeling this too, but glad I'm not the only one.

I feel really bad about it. And OH reminding me of everything I'm doing "wrong" only makes me feel worse. I don't have the energy honestly to fight about it. I've explained it so many times there isn't any other way I can really. She says she understands and then ten minutes later does or says something that shows the opposite.

So I'm really lost as to what to do. Nothing is working. It's to the point where I think I'm going to go stay at my parents for a few days because I really need to not be constantly made to feel bad if I don't want to cuddle or talk or do anything.

 

[kiwilove]

I HATED my husband in my first trimester, I dont know why but I did...Hormones I guess. This is completely normal for you to not want intimacy and such, A lot of us go through this. I am sorry you are feeling this way, it is hard for others to really know what we are going through. My husband did not understand why I was so tired and lazy in first trimester, he thought I was "milking" it, he said you shouldnt feel this way until your really 'big'
Normally I am a very caring person, want everyone to be happy and try to make people feel good, but not now, now I could care less. If DH gets angry its his problem...I just dont have the energy to give a hoot. Right now I pretty much just think of myself
Keep your head up, it will get better

 

[KylasBaby]

I HATED my husband in my first trimester, I dont know why but I did...Hormones I guess. This is completely normal for you to not want intimacy and such, A lot of us go through this. I am sorry you are feeling this way, it is hard for others to really know what we are going through. My husband did not understand why I was so tired and lazy in first trimester, he thought I was "milking" it, he said you shouldnt feel this way until your really 'big'
Normally I am a very caring person, want everyone to be happy and try to make people feel good, but not now, now I could care less. If DH gets angry its his problem...I just dont have the energy to give a hoot. Right now I pretty much just think of myself
Keep your head up, it will get better

That's exactly how I feel! If she has an issue that's her deal. Don't have the energy to deal. Too busy making a baby here. OH told me I should talk to the doctor because I shouldn't be this tired right now.....I don't want to throw the "you get pregnant and tell me what it's like" but that's how I feel.

I hope it gets better!

 

[kiwilove]

Being extremely tired is soooooooo normal during the first trimester. I was sleeping 12 hours a night with naps in the day. Before pregnancy I only needed 7 hours to function. I know how frustrating it is. And it WILL get better, I promise

 

[babytots]

Sending you big hugs hun I've been in your shoes. During my pregnancies with my boys I couldn't bear to be around DH or cuddled etc even with my daughters I just didn't like being touched at all. Figured it was the hormones as once they were born I was fine. The first trimester can be so hard when you feel so yucky and when your partner doesn't understand it can place a strain on your relationship. My husband thinks I milk my sickness for all it's worth but if he had a day in my shoes he would be more sympathetic. X

 

[Jenny Bean]

I love to snuggle but I hate doing the deed...I try to do it at least once a week for his sake, we are newlyweds afterall lol... and I feel bad.

Its hard to be intimate when you feel bloated and gross.

But I hear in the second trimeter that may change