Not worried, not excited, just feeling nothing

[mod19]

Back in late April I had my second ectopic and my right tube was removed. Dr said wait two cycles to heal and go back to see her to get a prescription for clomid. So that's what I did. I went in for my sono on cd16 (I usually o around cd19). That morning I had a positive opk so I expected to go in and see some eggs ready to go, but there was only one little follicle not even close to ready. She said I could have already teased the egg before I got to my appt but that it didn't look like it. She said call her when my period starts and she'll call in for a stronger dosage since 50mg did nothing to my body.

Well this morning out of habit I took a test and its positive. Not a dark positive but not "if I squint I think I can see it" positive. I'd say its pretty good for 3w5d. I actually took two. One $.88 one from Walmart and one ic (you know...to confirm).

I was excited when I saw that second line, but now both dh and I are just kind of blah. When will we get excited? What's wrong with us?

 

[Button#]

I think it's hard to get excited after a loss and you've had more losses than me. I think you will get more excited when you feel more secure about the pregnancy. I'm not expecting to feel excited until I've had a scan or heard the hb.
Congrats on your pregnancy and I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months.

 

[londongirl]

Nothing wrong with you whatsoever. I felt EXACTLY the same with this pregnancy (after two MCs). It's a self-protection thing. The whole TTC thing is so damn exhausting and when you've had losses, it makes you a lot more hesitant to be excited.

However, you will get excited with time. I started getting excited when I passed the two time points of previous miscarriages, when I first heard the heartbeat, when I first had a positive scan experience at 12 weeks, at the 20 week scan, when I started showing, etc. It's been a gradual process. Part of me is sad that I missed out on the 'innocence' of being able to be excited the whole pregnancy. However, now at 36 weeks I realise how much more I am grateful and excited on a deeper level because of my losses.

Hope this helps.

Best of luck with everything...