Now I feel like a bad Mum

[Boomerslady]

I really don't wanna start an arguments, but I feel crap this morning. I just read another thread where mummies were saying how LO doesn't get looked after by anyone but them. It wasn't intended to upset ppl (and a good friend started the thread!!)

It's just Ben is looked after by my MIL maybe once a month (only for a lil while) and he has stayed out overnight twice with my mum so I could have a night out.....but now I feel bad for doing so, and think 'oh no I'm a bad mummy for not having him all the time'

My mum and sister constantly make digs at me for it. My sis didn't leave my nephew with anyone until he was gone 2 and she reminds me about it whenever he's out (even with OH). I think it's good for him to be used to other ppl, surroundings etc and I has in hospital a lot in his first few months so I had to get used to not being with him very quickly.

Sorry this is so pointless, I just feel awful.....is there anyone else out there like me??

 

[Scally]

Honestly i would love to leave my LO with someone for the night, or evening, i had so many offers when i was pregnant and now they have all disappeared!!! lol. U r not a bad mummy at all, i think its important to have u time too x

 

[annawrigley]

Don't feel bad If once a month and overnight twice makes you a bad mum, i must be a terrible one My dad has noah every thursday from about 10am-4pm and my/FOB's mum will have him overnight maybe once or twice a month. I occasionally go out, but normally i just stay in and catch up on sleep! It doesnt feel like alot to me. But i really appreciate them giving me a break and i think i would have gone insane if i hadnt had the help i have.
Also when i start college noah will be with FOB's mum on Mondays and in nursery Tuesday-Friday. So i am glad he knows her and has a close bond with her (i also see her and FOB every day so they are very close) and is used to her house etc etc.
Its not a bad thing at all.
(Neither do i think parents who dont want to leave their babies is a bad thing either! Each to their own!)
xxx

 

[Eala]

I think this is one of those "Damned if you do, damned if you don't!" things. The best thing you can do at this point is totally ignore whatever anyone else thinks, and do what is right for YOU. It's one of these situations where every single person will be different in how they feel about leaving their child in the care of someone else, and no-one is wrong or a bad Mum for being different to the next person.

My Mum has had LO for whole days at a time, to give us a break and to let us get things done around the house. I'm hoping at some point I'll get an overnight too (maybe for my birthday )

 

[MNORBURY]

Don't feel bad, my lo is very clingy, wakes lots, doesn't go bed early, won't take milk in a bottle but if she was different I would love a night out, we work hard as mummies and need a bit of time out now and then and like you say I agree that it is good for them to be in different surroundings x

 

[Dragonfly]

err once a month hardly makes you neglectful mum of the year! I know girls that leave their kids with their mums for long weekends and week nights to go out drinking and pass them off to everyone at every opportunity to anyone that will have them, that is when you should feel bad I think.

 

[polo_princess]

your not a bad mum at all

 

[cleckner04]

There is a huge difference between a mom that gets a break here and there and a mom that dumps the kid off every chance they get. Your not a bad mom and your proving it just by being worried.

 

[Mel+Bump]

Don't feel bad! My LO is 4 weeks old, and Ive already had a mini shopping trip on my own and my parents have taken care of her. Theyve also taken her for 2 nights as well so I can catch up on sleep. Even though I live with my parents and so she's only going into another room, some times Ill feel gilty, as if Im pawning her off on somebody. But I feel its good for her to be comfortable with other people and realise Im not there all the time. I start back uni soon and I won't be able to do it by being with her 24/7.

 

[Boomerslady]

Thanks ladies I'd never thought too much about it, apart from when my sister goes on at me about it. Then I suddenly thought oh my god maybe she's right! Lol.

You're all right though, every mummy and baby are different and I guess we all do what we think is best. Thanks again, I don't feel so bad now.

 

[Missy86]

I think its good for Rhys to know im not there all the time, he isnt clingy so im really lucky.
I am going back to work part time in December so its best he gets used to it now

 

[kissikiss]

Well, to each their own I guess, but I agree with the others, I hardly think once or twice a month makes you a bad mum. Everyone has different opinions on the matter, but how I feel about it is, before I'm a mum, I'm me - and I have to take care of me before I can take care of my son. My MIL has my little boy once a week. That one time a week I do things for me - paint my nails, catch up on things that need to be done, SLEEP, etc. When my son comes back home I feel energised, and I feel like I'm a better mum. Now granted some women can go 24/7 looking after their children. And that's fine, but again, everyone is different and I think it's really horrible for someone, especially family, to chastise you for having a bit of time for yourself.

Beginning in October, my son is going to also be in nursery 2 additional days a week so that I can do my final year at university. Again, don't think that makes me neglectful or selfish, quite the opposite actually. I'm continuing in education so that I can provide the best for my son.

 

[Janidog]

You're not a bad mum at all!!! My sister and family are coming to see us in a couple of weeks and have offered to look after LO so hubby and i can go out.

I also got told that im a bad mum on another forum cause at the moment I am having to work full time, but my LO does come with me and I don't neglect him at all, he is in my office and either fed by me or OH and we play with him aswell

 

[Lena]

Dont feel bad! I'd love to have someone to leave LO with where i knew he'd be safe and happy, but we just don't have that. I live in the UK and my family live in the US. DH's parents live overan hour away so there really is no family to watch him. I left him with DH once though whilst I had dinner and a movie with my friend and he did brilliantly. We all need a break once in a while.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Your not a bad mum hun. It's all down to the choice of the parent. Yes if you were going out every night and passing the baby off that wouldn't be great. Your doing fine hun

I have only left Aidan once overnight but that's just me hunni. It doesn't make you a bad mum
xx

 

[Mynx]

Aww hun dont feel bad! I've been out a few times and left Evie with her daddy, but tbh, we both really wish we could go out together as a couple more. We've been out together once since Evie was born and we realised how much we miss it! I just wish the Inlaws lived a little closer cos they'd love to have her overnight!
As the other girls have said, it doesnt make you a bad mummy at all hun, it's not as if you're trying to dump Ben at any opportunity! Ignore your sister! We all do it differently but it doesnt mean that any one of us is right or wrong. As long as Ben is loved, healthy and happy, then you're doing what's best for all of you

 

[bubbles123]

oh, please don't worry! The old saying - 'it takes a village to raise a child!' is so true. We're not meant to live on our own and just take care of our children ourselves. We are naturally designed to live in tribes, supporting each other, sharing household tasks, hunting, gathering, sharing the child care... just like people in other countries still do. This modern notion of self contained families/women doing it all on their own is not what nature intended! Sure, best not to leave your baby every night and go on the razz... but the odd occasion with friends/family members is healthy if that's what you want to do. Please don't feel bad X

 

[redpoppy]

Hahaha! You're not a bad mum at all! (sorry to laugh!)

I'm the opposite. Everyone thinks I'm mad because I haven't left my LO for more than half an hour (with my OH at that!) but this weekend I'm FINALLY going out (during the day) for about 5 or 6 hours!!!! I'm nervous and don't want to go but i've had most people making me feel like some freak, overpowering, control-freak, suffocating mum. So I figure I should go. Plus my friend's going away travelling for a while and it's a surprise for her.

I remember at five months at baby club I mentioned I hadn't been out without LO or left her alone and the looks I got made me feel like I'd grown a leg out of my ear.

Takes all kinds and don't make others make you feel bad. You know you're a good mum really.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Rubbish! Don't let anyone make you feel like a bad mum for having a life!

When I left Lucas' Dad I was in a really bad way for a while, and when I moved into my Mum's with the baby he had to get used to other people looking after him from an early age. I'm glad in a way because I think it's made him more at ease when I leave him with my Mum.

People make digs at me because I will leave Lucas with my Mum to go out, (I've had four nights out since he was born), and quite honestly they're starting to bore me. I love my boy to bits, abandoning my social life won't make me love him any more or less.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Please please don't read into things that other people are saying you are a bad mother. It is so not helpful to you and people just don't mean things that way! Just because someone else's parenting style is different, does not mean they are saying you are a bad mother. I don't feel comfortable with Ruby staying away - if anything, I am slightly envious of people who ARE comfortable with LO staying away because we all like a break!