nurses in ICU (Long post)

[LaughOutLoud]

I posted about my baby being in ICU because of a heart defect. We have a family room so can stay here with her.

I like to sit up with her at night and I dont think the nurses are happy about it. Im usually there till 2/3am but at times even later. I dont wake her or anything...just sit on the chair.They kept mentioning about how I need my rest so can look after her when she is better. I already have a nearly 5yr old so am aware of this. Im not tired and get rest in the day when DH is with her. I would have coslept with baby if we were home and I love the peace and quite at night time with baby.

When they started to increase her milk intake she started vomiting an im the one that alerted them to it. I mentioned reflux as DD1 had this but they kinda said we should let her rest and coz we were talking to her she swallowed to much air an vomited. However she was wide awake herself and restless.
Last night she vomited twice.and I had to tell them. Then I went to express milk before I went to bed. I expressed again at 5.30am but when I came to drop the milk off she was alone and wide awake. I tried to settle her placing my hands on her head and feet and no talking but had a feeling she was gonna be sick and she vomited whole load. I called the nurse who commented 'you just need to leave her alone' and she sorted baby out. I felt I was told off and made to feel like im making her sick. So when she mentioned that 'baby is on less sedative so will be waking up more and you need to leave her alone otherwise she swallows too much aor amd gets sick', I responded and said that she was already awake and I was just trying to settle her by using technique that their staff mentioned (who is a play coordinator or something). I sat down on the chair as just wanted to see she was ok and to show I wasnt stimulating baby at that time but after her next feed she threw up again so I got up and told them. Her nurse had gone for an hours break the whole while but I also find that at night because babies are meant to be asleep more they are left alone more and my baby has a ventilator in her mouth so she cant make any noises, cry or express herself if she is distressed unless you are watching her closely and reading her cues.

DH came over as it was 7am by then and shortly theres the staff change over. The play coordinater came to chat to me about what happened and I was really honest and told her how I was made to feel and that I hadnt woke baby up. She said it must have been a coincidence and will log possible reflux but that as the ward concentrates on the heart they probably didnt do anything about the vomiting. I explained about how I can pick up when she is about to be sick as had a reflux baby before. She said staff concerned im not getting my rest but I explained about how I enjoy being with her at night and Im almost made to feel bullied.I also said I am not just sitting there to keep checks on the staff. She mentioned that may be things came out the wrong way because people are tired from their shift.

Im not sure if I handled this right or what I should be thinking. I havent held her, had no skin to skin contact and I cant do anything but be with her so I dont know why its become a big issue. I just feel they want me out their way at night but im a parent who likes to be with her children.

Im on my mobile so sorry for typos and thanks for reading if youve come this far.

 

[george83]

I saw your posts last week, how is your lo doing? I hope everything is going as you would hope?

Massive hugs to you sweetie I've never been in your situation and honestly can not imagine a more stressful place to be. I'm not sure about the nurses and their attitude although they don't sound particularly friendly, I did just want to say though that with both my babies my favourite time has been getting up to do the night feeds, I know they are exhausting but i like the peaceful one to one time when you can just sit there and look at baby without thinking about the other things that need doing so your not alone in that.

I hope your lo makes a speedy recovery and you don't have to be in there for much longer.

 

[redlemonade]

You've handled this a lot better than I would have tbh. For what it's worth, you've done the right thing and it sounds like you were respectful towards the nurse. She, on the other hand, needs to adopt a better bedside manner!!

I've been in a similar situation with a baby in neonatal, and nurses and doctors bullying me and making me feel like a bold child. I understand they may be tired, but that's not your problem and they shouldn't treat you like that. Is there a unit manager you can speak to?

 

[HBGirl]

I hear you hun. I find the night staff on ICU downright rude. They are ALWAYS going on about me needing rest but I think they are so used to parents being away over night that me being there irriates them.

DD is silent too and they simply don't sit and watch for crying. It kills me!

 

[zorak]

If it was my LO I'd be doing exactly as you are and staying there with him.

As another poster suggested maybe have a word with the unit manager?

 

[steph.]

It sounds like the nurses just want you out of the way. Either speak to the unit manager or stand up to the nurses directly (although I know this is harder especially when you are already physically and emotionally exhausted). You are your daughter's best advocate, her voice, don't let them intimidate you.

eta that the play coordinator also seems to be making excuses for the nurses. I have worked a lot of night shifts, it doesn't make you rude.

 

[SoBlessedMama]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this--I'm praying your little one has a speedy road to health, and you can take her home asap.

That being said--you are her Mama. You have every right to be there and involved in whatever capacity you choose. It sounds as if you are being very respectful, and allowing the nurses to do their job. You're just trying to do your job, as well. I hate that any nurse lacks the compassion to see a hurting mama who just wants to be close to her baby, and has anything but the utmost empathy and respect for her. You keep doing what you know needs to be done--your little girl needs you, and will most definitely benefit from your presence (rude nurses nonetheless!) Big, big hugs!!!

 

[Feathers]

Even in those situations parents do see more than they do. However hard the staff try they have a few babies to watch and they can't be there all the time. I hate the way the staff in those places sometimes try and brush things off. They did it to us with DD's breathing, we fought to get them to log it and acknowledge there was a problem. It wasn't until almost a week had passed that FINALLY a doctor was there when she had another odd breathing attack and we dragged her to come and look. It was THEN that they took it seriously and admitted it wasn't normal and carried out tests to find out what it was. You're the one who fights for your child so don't let them brush you off at all!

Now as for the night thing, I absolutely get it. It's hard not to hold your child also and I'll never forget a kind night midwife wheeling me up to see my baby in the incubator because she knew I was upset on the ward without my baby. I couldn't hold her, just sat there looking at her and one of the night nurses demanded to know why I was there because I should be sleeping (it was 11pm ish) and said to me that I couldn't help her by looking at her because she didn't know I was there. I felt so awful and such a waste of space in that moment. I didn't complain because I was emotional enough btu looking back I wish I had because what a horrid thing to say!

Honestly I think many of the staff have never been through having THEIR child there, when wanting to sit with your child just to be there with them is the only thing you can do. You're doing nothing wrong so don't let them make you think you are. Have a word with one of the day staff about putting a complaint in maybe.

Also lots of luck to your little one, I hope she will be well and home with you soon!

 

[Smiler82]

Oh hun I am so sorry never been through anything like this myself but just wanted to offer some support...I can totally see why you want to be there and the plain fact is there's no law to stop you from being with your child and the nurses should respect that. I know it's hard to stand up for yourself when going through a very tough time but if your gut instinct is telling you you need to be there at night, then be there at night. You said you're getting rest in the day; it's not their place to dictate to you when you should be asleep and when you should be awake. I agree with a PP about having to fight for your DD if you think there is an issue, you'll just have to keep pushing. Ask DH to keep an eye on how many times she vomits during the day when you're not there, and then they can't say it's your fault.

Wishing your daughter a very speedy recovery xx

 

[AP]

It is important to raise your issues about the nurse. Is it a particular nurse you have, or does it change?

I take it your little one is on her back a lot too? It probably wouldn't be great for the reflux, as you already well know!

The nurse was being a knob. End of. Stick to what you are doing.

 

[sethsmummy]

im so sorry the nurse is being such a cow hun! You have every right in the world to be there 24/7 if you so wanted! It is disgusting that they are saying the vomiting is your fault. If it had been me i probably would have been snarky by now and asked just how long shed be left after vomitting on herself (is she on her back? if so then thats a choking risk surely?) before they cleaned her up etc.

I agree with what the others have said.. fight for your daughter hun. you are her greatest advocate xx

 

[minties]

That sounds heartbreaking.

She is your baby and you should be able to spend every single minute with her if you want to. How rediculous that they are saying your presence is making her vomit? You are her mother, he safe place, you being there is soothing for her and will help her grow and feel settled.

I can't imagine what it's like to be told you are wrong, don't know your own child and to be made to feel like you are in the way. It sounds like a nightmare. Don't let them bully you out of there and keep being a squeaky wheel - tell anyone and everyone about the suspected reflux until someone does someone about it.