Offsensive Family

[MrsKeene]

I am a really emotional person, and being pregnant makes it worse. But lately I have been extremely hurt by my hubby's side of the family. I married into a huge family, and my side of the family pretty much consitted of me, my sisters, and my parents. Anyways well I am a very shy quite person, and I am not that outgoing. But I am really kind, and no one in his side seems to see that. My hubby has some very hard people to get along with, particulary a cousin of his who is married to a woman whom isn't very nice at all. It's like the day i married my hubby they hated me, and no matter how hard I try no one likes me. I want to be accepted so badly, and i've tried so hard. They think i have ruined my hubby because we are always busy, and now that we are pregnant we can't step away for anything because we can't afford to. It makes me horribly sad that no one seems to like me, and a lot of them seem fake to my face, like ya bitch i like you to your face but the second you turn your back i talk about you. Don't get me wrong not every single person in his mfamily is like that, but the group that doesn't like me makes me feel like an outsider along with my childern, but still accepts my hubby. I just don't understand why they have to be so mean all the time, I never really had to incounter such offsensive rude people until now, and I am not sure how to deal with it. Very few people have even said congrats about this baby, let alone our first. Maybe i am just taking them wrong, but I so badly want to be accepted and to feel like i belong. Anyone else dealing with issues like this? Sorry i just had to share, this poor little babe, his mommy has been so stressed lately that it makes it hard to relax. Maybe i am just being too emotional! Anyways thanks for letting me share!

 

[Dragonfly]

I know where your coming from. My Oh side dont like me and I know they dont as they dont even invite me for xmas diner or anything but invite him when i sit alone at home. i know his bro hates my guts as they make crap up when i call for him and lie and say they dont know where he is knowing well i could be in trouble when he is actially there as i caught them out and he wont argue with them at all! They hate outsiders of any sort as his oher bros GF is not welcoem in the family and past exs are still fighting with them. my fam is small and excepts anyone in. they take them in as their own. But not his side they are close knit.
I didnt get a congrads from his side either, i think he did from his ones but not one of them has spoken to me. his mum has said hello to me once in 3 years there the other day when she came in as she is using our house for storing stuff.
I dont know its terrible and am in a similar situation that you and dread if they all come to the hospital as i know they dont like me and they will be all around the baby and i will feel totally shit. i have never done anything against them wrong.

try not to let it get to you and i know its hard because you are sensitive like me and the hormones make it worse, put it to the back of your head and move on. Its their lose and your having a relation of theirs and would be in their best interests to at least be nice to you. Probably all come to a head one day when you ask them what their problem is!

 

[mz_jackie86]

Hey hun i havent been in ur situation but honestly its their problem if they want to be arrogant twats! You have made the effort and tried to be nice to all of them and if they cant accept u i wudnt even waste my energy on them! You have your own family and friends to support u and ur hubby prob does aswell so dont worry about rude people like that!
When they see that you actually dont care what u think i bet they all change their attitudes!! But people like that seriously arent even worth ur time! xx

 

[tiggertea]

My inlaws hate me too - it used to really annoy me and make me upset but then i just though "stuff the lot of em. i married my hubby, not his family" besides it's their loss as hubby has distanced himself from them more and more aswell coz he hates how they treat me.

for example - when hubby calls in to visit alone, they never ask where I am - oh no, they ask y he didn't bring our dog.... they love to see him and their own dog playing in the garden....

I know it's hard hun, but you'll get through it - have a chat with your OH and let him know how you're feeling about it all - he might not like it at the start but he'll soon start to see what you're talking about.

Good luck x

 

[Shifter]

I know it's hard, because they are his family and you probably don't want him to end up caught in the middle of anything nasty, but the only thing you can do is continue being polite and friendly and try not to worry about being liked for your efforts. To be honest, if they are going to be like that it doesn't matter what you say or do and you are far better off putting it out of mind.

If you really can't do that, there are a few things you could try... but they can be difficult, because they involve looking at your own feelings. I'm like you, I'm very emotionally driven and very sensitive. I tend to let my emotions dictate a lot of decisions in my life, but I have had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for it. I don't for one moment want to lose my emotions, they are what make me a wonderful individual! But learning how to cope with them and work with them has been invaluable.

One thing you can do is look at what has made you feel disliked by them, things that they have said and done that have hurt you. Then look for things that demonstrate the opposite. Any tiny detail can be important. The aim is to look at the situation with a little detachment and see if your emotional response to something specific is clouding your perception of the whole situation. It's hard to do, but well worth it.

I had negative feelings towards my grandmother when she passed away earlier this year, I felt she never understood me or took an interest in my life, compared to the interest she took in my cousins. One "fact" I used to justify this belief was that there were no photos of me in her house, whereas there were lots of my cousins. But I gave it some careful thought and realised that the photos she had up were almost certainly given to her by my cousins or aunt and if my parents had never given her photos of me then she couldn't display any!

Anyway, sorry for the essay! PM me if you would like any more CBT tips. All the best to you hun

 

[Fossey]

 

[x_manxie_x]

My OH's family are the same, well they weren't too bad before I was pregnant, but they're awful now. They've hated my OH's past girlfriends, his uncle's wife and his aunty's husband yet none of us have done anything to make them feel this way. They've said I'm just taking him away from them cos we're having a baby and told me to get rid of it when I found out. I think that some people just don't like to accept outsiders tbh, so I wouldn't worry about it too much hun - it's their problem, you've done nothing wrong.