If I didn't know MOB so well, I would say you could be right. However by her own admission she A) tricked him into the pg saying she was on the pill and pretending to take it in front of him and B) wasn't even sure he was the father (there were 4 other candidates
At best MOB was as bad as OH if he ever was an ass to her.
I ripped into OH last night. I told him I was over the bullshit and almost over him and that next time the boys and I would be going. It took me two hours to finish what I wanted to say.
At first I got the same shit about how it was late, he was tired and didn't want to hear it, so on and so on. Until I stood up for myself
I told him he was going to listen and the only reason he didn't want to listen was because he can't face the truth about the things he's done and the direction his life is going in.
He asked me for some slack and I said I ran out of that when he spoke to our son how he did and he didn't deserve *any* slack about that. I asked him what he would think of some random guy in the street saying that about his child. He said he'd think the man was f***ed up and needed help... which I asked if he thought he did. He said he did and wasn't coping, so I suggested he go back on anti-depressants, which he was on for a while before he met me. He didn't like that idea, but he did concede to the fact that he needs some kind of help.
I asked him if he thought he deserved me and the boys to stay with him. He said no, but that if he started to get some help, he would really like us to stay and couldn't face the idea of being without the boys.
I even asked him if he thought he was capable of parenting them. I went places I have never been with him before in this talk and it was actually liberating. Anyway, he claimed to me he would never physically harm them, which I asked him bluntly if he thought he would ever be capable of doing. That was my main concern. And honestly I think he is telling the truth about that, he hasn't ever raised a hand to me and I've never been concerned he would, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt about that.
I ripped into him about the long hours he does. A lot of them would not be necessary if his workmate pulled his weight. I sat up until 12:30am last night waiting for OH so I could get all this off my chest to him. He got defensive about it and made the usual excuses eg "what do you want me to do about it, someone has to do it or it won't get done, blah blah." Well, I didn't choose to be a single mother but that is what I've turned into. I said I might as well move out and be one for all he seemed to care.
He didn't like that, or the fact that whenever he said anything I threw it back at him and stated he'd said that before and I was sick of him making excuses and that nothing ever changed any time he said any of these things. I think it hit home that this time excuses and changing the subject weren't going to shut me up like they usually did if he tried shutting the conversation down.
I yelled at him about where he was at 10:30 last night while his workmate was off playing Daddy to kids that aren't even his, with his psycho girlfriend. This workmate was our housemate for months after the girlfriend cheated on him and was then physically abusive to him. He went back to her when she had "their" baby (paternity is not actually known, could be his, could be not) two days before L arrived for OH and I. This woman had him there being Daddy, yet my two sons do not see their actual father because she's too much of an idiot to cope by herself and ex-housemate just gives in and does what she says to keep the peace.
OH was shamed about that and I know he was. He was resentful of me at first for pointing out the irony, and then admitted he knew it wasn't fair and that he just took for granted that I wouldn't care and would be happy to hang out on my own as I was told he would be doing long hours. There's long hours and then there's taking the piss, which I said ex-HM was doing, whether he means to or not, and OH agreed and is going to speak to him about the HUGE disrepancy in their hours today. (If it isn't clear, they are the only two that work at this place.)
I really needed OH twice last night. First when Eamon choked on his tea-- it would have been helpful to have OH there and tbh at 6:30 pm he should be after leaving for work at 6 that morning. I was about to go to hospital with Eamon and drive him myself (I don't drive but know the basics how to for an emergency) when the food dislodged as I grabbed him and put him under my arm. Thank God.
The second time was when Eamon woke at 11pm screaming the house down for some reason. He got jealous of the baby, who started crying not long after I started settling Eamon and cuddling him. I went to pick Liam up and Eamon tried to grab and throw him away from me
He screamed in my face every time I went to touch the baby, and grabbed my arm and hugged it to himself. He grabbed my face and turned it away from Liam and screamed at me some more.
If OH was there I could have had him take the baby, but as usual I was on my own. It broke my heart when Eamon slid off my lap, after I picked the baby up, who was screaming too by now. Eamon started bawling his eyes out with the most betrayed look on his dear little face, and walked away from me, howling all the way out of the room. I've never felt so horrible in my life. He was just devastated and in the end I plugged the Hoover in to quiet Liam and went and sat on Eamon's floor with him, rocking him for half an hour
At any rate I've given OH till Tuesday to think about what help he needs. I'm going to my parents' this morning and will probably stay till Tuesday as well. If we don't get something out of this, I officially give up!
