OH is going mad because I told my best friend.. is that such a bad thing??

[hanni]

Like literally he's going off it because I told my best friend (who is also pregnant and has given me loads of advice and helped me) without asking him first.
He's going on like I'm the worst person in the world for it.
Is what I've done seriously that bad?!

 

[mrs.amillian]

No hun it's not at all xx

I can understand that he's worried and a wants to hold back a bit but he also needs to trust your judgement.

I'm in the minority if the thought that if something was to happen, god forbid, I would need my friends and family's support. So I took the stance of telling close family (Mum and Dad) pretty much as soon as I found out then, as people knew we were TTC if they asked I would tell them, if not I wouldn't mention it xx

I very much feel a miscarriage is not soemthing to be ashamed of and friends and family railing round is very inportant.

But fingers crossed everything goes wonderfully then they are in the privaliaged position of knowing about bubs from day dot.

Hope he manages to relax as the pregnancy progresses, I'm sure it's all a fuss about nothing xxx

 

[deafgal]

It depends why he want to keep it quiet. I know a guy who got upset because he was not even sure he wanted the child and was hoping for abortion( telling everyone to him means there is no turning back).

 

[hanni]

I've seriously never seen him this annoyed.
We tried for this baby, so the big A word would never have even crossed our mind. Were both so excited about it.

So confused as why hes acting this strongly. I never asked him if I could tell her because I assumed he would know I would, we are super close and tell each other everything. He knows this.
I thought I was suppose to be the crazy one!

 

[mrs.amillian]

Maybe he's absorbing your pregnancy hormones for you!!

My Hubs got PND after my daughter was born and I was perfectly fine, lol!! But seriously it was a rough time

 

[hanni]

I'm so sorry to hear that, it must have been awful for all of you.
I guess it's not all plain sailing is it. I was so nieve, I expected to be worried and have concerns for little one but never thought for a second it might stir up relationship problems.

 

[Belle Shine]

I think he needs to understand that you want the emotional support of a close friend (in a similar situation) through this journey.

I'd ask him his reasons. Maybe he wanted to keep the secret between you a little longer as that can be exciting too, but he needs to understand you need extra support too.

I messaged my friend first before telly hubby as I only had a faint BFP and knew hubby wouldn't quite believe it straight away.. (As it is, my friend didn't pick up the message until after I caved and told hubby anyway).

But hubby has asked that we tell his mum before mine. I can respect that wish as my mum tends to dominate family occasions but I really won't tell mum that MIL knows first! Xx

 

[LoveCakes]

I actually understand him. It's maybe not that you told her but that you didn't talk to him about it first. It's his secret too and at the start its lovely when just the 2 of you know. He needs to know he can trust you. I remember being really mad at oh when he told a friend we were ltttc. He is a person who needs others support and in the end I didn't begrudge him it but I hate he didn't tell me first.

I think you two need to talk about who you are telling and when.

 

[Tess.ie]

I think if you had talked about it and agreed not to tell anyone then he can be a bit cross, but if you hadn't talked about it them he really shouldn't be angry for telling a close friend. Definitely talk to him and see what has got him so worked up, there will be a reason and go from there.

My oh told his brother, and while I had wanted to keep it secret I don't really mind because I know he won't breathe a word to anyone. The rest of our families will be told when I feel ready, because once they know the world knows!!!

 

[mysteriouseye]

wtf :S My best friend is one of the first people I told other than my husband obviously...

 

[alex_22]

My problem was oh was the total opposite I practically had to staple his mouth shut he would have told the world, when I found out I was pregnant with my son my mam was away so I asked him not to tell anyone, absolutely everyone knew within hours lol,

I don't understand why he's so mad, does he want his parents to know before friends or something?

 

[hanni]

Thank you for all your opinions and advice.
We hadn't agreed not to tell anyone, we weren't going to share the news with extended family and not so close friends until after 12 weeks. But I didn't think she fell into that bracket. Its not like I hid that I told her.
Going to speak to him today about it and see why he got so angry. Think there may be some underlying issues here. I know he's ex5treamly worried and cautious about the pregnancy.
But then I said to him, even if she didn't know and the worst happened. Id still tell her because she's my friend and I'd need her support.
He doesn't really have any friends close enough to tell so I don't think he quite understands.

 

[greenpear]

I would have talked to him first and let him know that you wanted to tell your best friend. I talked to hubby and he was ok with me letting few close friends know (as well as family of course). That way no one got hurt.

 

[TTC First]

I am actually in the same position as you. We decided not to tell anyone but someone I knew was aware we were trying and she got her BFP. We were talking about the process every once in a while, updating each other. Well I told her about my BFP. He questioned me on it but once I explained he was ok with it.

I hope that your DH is understanding why you did what you did.