Oh just wont listen! Still on about sending DD to NZ!!

[Abz1982]

I OVERHEARD tonight MIL say that SIL was so excited about DD going to NZ................

SAY WA???????????????????????

Total news to me! In fact, she said it to OH in front of me, said NOTHING to me. Me being the other perosn who has a say in this and has to sign her passport form.

She wants me to let her take DD to NZ fro 4-6 weeks before she starts school this year.
I have a number of issues with this #1 being she is not 100% physically capable and Would have to control/ferry my daughter through 3 international airports.
#2, and sorry if this is not PC. She is a diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic.......and is currently freaking out cos OH dad is coming over in August and she thinks he is going to come looking for her......despite him never doing it the other 5 times he has visited!
#3, its RIGHT before school starts. I am wanting to get into a routine, I don't want her to be in a complete 180 degree time frame! She is bad enough with her sleep as it is.
#4, DD is a little shit when she comes back from MIL. I don't want to have 2 weeks - or less - to sort her out before she starts school.

No one has asked me. Or said anything. I am not going to say anything until they do. If a passport turns up here for DD then the police and the passport agency are getting called as I haven't signed anything.........and yes, I do not put it past them to forge it!

I am actually raging...........

 

[AP]

and none of this was discussed with you?

No chance. 4-6 weeks? No way, no chance.

Did you say anything to her? What did your OH think?

 

[emyandpotato]

Your OH is involved in this?!?! What the actual fuck?! This is insane. Even without your reasoning a four year old going to the other side of the world without her parents is ridiculous! Have they ever even mentioned it to you?

 

[lilyd]

Insane!

I think you only need one parent to sign for a passport (I could be wrong), but you may want to check.

Have you spoken to your OH about it?

 

[tallybee]

Holy crap, I'd be having serious words with oh if I was you, what is he saying??

 

[tallybee]

Insane!

I think you only need one parent to sign for a passport (I could be wrong), but you may want to check.

Have you spoken to your OH about it?

Yeah one parent can sign as long as they've got parental responsibility

 

[missk1989]

I wont even go on holiday and leave ds in the UK without me so no way I would let anyone take him away and especially for 4-6 weeks! Are they mad! Your DD will miss you like crazy!!!!

 

[Eleanor ace]

Whaaaaat?? Who in their right mind would send their child off to the other side fo the world with someone they aren't 100% confident in looking after their child, and for a month or more?! Perhaps your OH has no intention of letting her go either and this is something your MIL has got carried away with?

 

[Mummy May]

WHAT!!!! That is absolutely mental!! Xx

 

[mumandco]

Omg crazy!! I'd be having stern words with my oh if he did that,and I would be telling mil that there is zero chance of it happening

 

[Ceejay123]

Wow... Yeah that wouldn't be happening x

 

[Abz1982]

Apparently I agreed to it as I said no to Christmas and said maybe in the summer holidays. Aye, for all of us, at some point in the future..... Like 2 or 3 years away. I dunno why its such a big thing now. Sil youngest is only a week older than Dd..so not like they will be all grown up!

So he is in a right mood. I'm not backing down. My daughter leaves the county at any point this year and I call the police.

Where would that stand given it would be mil taking her not oh and I didn't give permission?

 

[Loui1001]

I would be absolutely furious, in what world could they ever think that's acceptable??? Has your oh actually signed a passport form?

 

[missk1989]

Not even your OH can take lo out the country without your permission. Some lawyers were discussing it on "this morning" the other day.

 

[R_x]

That's such a long time! Has your OH sent off for a passport? X

 

[lilyd]

Not even your OH can take lo out the country without your permission. Some lawyers were discussing it on "this morning" the other day.

I mean this as a genuine question, not to be argumentative.

If he is LO's father and has parental responsibility, what would he be guilty of? Would it be classed as kidnap and if LO was safe and with a parent would anything be enforced to get him to return with LO?

eta

just had a quick read about this and it seems it is classed as abduction. Nor sure what enforcement action would be taken though (or how long it would take).

However, the info I read stated UK Law and then specified (except in Scotland).

OP, if you genuinely think this may happen it may be worth getting some advice as to what the law in Scotland is x

 

[Abz1982]

That's such a long time! Has your OH sent off for a passport? X

Not as far as I know.

He seems to have completely not understood that I have at no point given permission! In fact I was arranging activities for her to do this summer.

Next year she can go during summer, and OH can go with them for 2 weeks. If she was say 8 and over then maybe I would be more lenient but for all intents and purposes she is a NURSERY child, she isnt even in school.

Despite my gut of it feeling like a bad idea we have no way to get there if something happens - and what would be the issue re travel insurance and her not travelling with someone with parental responsibility - that's another issue, as she cannot get any medical treatment over there as there will be no one with parental responsibility! MIL goes without travel insurance as it has an NHS, but no way would I let DD go anywhere abroad without it. As somber as it is you HAVE to think about things like repatriation in case of sickness/injury/death and that's expensive.

Also if something did happen, we wouldn't be there....and how would that be for DD. Also, and I know this is bad thinking this..........if something happens, something bad chances are it would end up in the media, and what kid of parents would that make us letting a pre schooler go thousands of miles away without us. Look what folk think of the mcanns, and to me, this is WORSE.

I am close to telling OH they can go, if he goes with them and I will move out while they are away....

 

[dgirllamius]

He can't just let her go, he needs to seek your permission first even though he has rights (just like you'd need to seek his if you were to take her abroad). If you don't give permission but he does it anyway then yes it would be classed as kidnap (I've looked into this a million times and seeing what rights I have - my OH has none so I don't need his permission). It would be very stupid to allow her to go without at least one of you. Like you said what if something happens?

 

[AP]

I don't know why you're considering the what ifs Hun. It's straight out no happening. Don't let yourself be walked over

 

[Abigailly]

No. Point blank no. And honestly, I think I'd be putting everyone straight before it gets out of hand. As in your MIL books tickets or something.

~There are some thinks I'd keep schmut about and just deal with them when they came round. However this I'd be putting a line through it all right now.

Who even considers that?! Taking a child away for over a month, without their family? My mum, who we lived with for a year and has Niamh regularly is considering taking Niamh to Donegal for a week, where her partner has a holiday home and my in laws live, and we're still both unsure about it. How she'd cope with it. She's still little. She still often needs mummy.