Oh just wont listen! Still on about sending DD to NZ!!

[emyandpotato]

That's such a long time! Has your OH sent off for a passport? X

I am close to telling OH they can go, if he goes with them and I will move out while they are away....

If it was me I would be making it clear that if he so much as sent off for a passport then I would be filing for divorce. Forget cheating, THIS is a total violation of trust!

 

[Pearls18]

Honestly hun I would treat it for what it is, a joke. It can't happen and won't happen, let them talk about it all they want, you're not signing anything so she can't go. If they want to have a serious discussion and actually involve you in the matter, then you can explain to them why she isn't going. In the meantime, show them the same respect they have shown you and treat the whole matter as laughable.

 

[sophxx]

I wouldn't let lo go. But do know people who let them to to Pakistan width grandparents. As for passport oh can get one with out your signature if he's on the birth certificate I'm think

 

[Yo_Yo]

That's so wrong. I'd be bloody fuming! Definitely tell your oh it's just not happening!
Why exactly are they pushing so hard for this to happen? Bizarre

 

[smallpeanut]

Honestly hun I would treat it for what it is, a joke. It can't happen and won't happen, let them talk about it all they want, you're not signing anything so she can't go. If they want to have a serious discussion and actually involve you in the matter, then you can explain to them why she isn't going. In the meantime, show them the same respect they have shown you and treat the whole matter as laughable.

Completely agree.

 

[CormacksGirl]

NO,NO,NO! Not a bloody chance!

Who in their right mind will let a four year old go all that way for more than a month without a parent?

Stick to your guns hun!x

 

[binxyboo]

if a passport arrives for her - immediately remove it from the house and give it to someone you trust for safe keeping.

 

[kmbabycrazy]

Insane!

I think you only need one parent to sign for a passport (I could be wrong), but you may want to check.

Have you spoken to your OH about it?

Yeah one parent can sign as long as they've got parental responsibility

If both parents are on the birth certificate they both have to sign. This is why you can't take a child out of the country without the other parents permission. When I got my son's passport both me and my ex had to sign his from (it may be different if you're married though I can't remember) x

 

[supertabby]

Might be a mad idea but.... if you apply for a passport for your lo now (then put it in a safe place) then I'm pretty sure your oh can't then apply. He'd have to apply as replacing a lost one to get anywhere, as opposed to a first passport - if he doesn't know about the first passport then him applying for another first passport would presumably flag something up and you'd find out?

Obviously that means lying to your oh, which I wouldn't recommend unless the situation is getting to the stage where desperate measures are needed. Have you made it totally clear to him that you are in no way allowing this to happen?

 

[imogenwanted]

No way even at eight, I would hide her birth certificate as he can't get passport with out it, but can't believe he would let his little girl go with his mother crazy

 

[AP]

I like supertabbys plan!

Thing is though, how possible could it be that they try that behind your back? If you really, really think this is something they could do it may be time to re-evaluate relationships with them

 

[Vickie]

Can the grandmother even cross the border without signed consent from both parents? Here if I were to cross without my husband with the kids I would have to have a notarized letter saying that I had his permission to travel internationally with them. I would assume it would be the same for all other relatives.

For passports only one of us has to sign it (we are married and both on the birth certificates).

Of course I'm in Canada so it could very well be different there.

Anyways no way in hell would I let either of my children (5.5 years and 22 months) go on a weeks long international vacation without a parent

 

[Beanonorder]

Rules have been changed in most countries and anyone who has parental responsibility (ie mom and dad) has to sign the passport application. It is definitely classed as kidnapping if one parent takes the child out of the country without the permission of the other - married or not.
When I took dd home last year I had to carry a letter saying I had permission from my dh to take her. No-one asked to see the letter but if someone had and I didn't have one, I would have been arrested.
I did the research - this is applicable in most countries, even Canada so I'm not sure how the pp did it, unless it was done before the rules changed.

I echo what the other posters have said, I would not back down and that trip would not be taking place until my child was a teenager.

 

[suzib76]

Ok you are saying your dh has completely misunderstood but you are also saying you are not mentioning anything and are going to wait and see. This is where communication has broken down. Talk to him, have it out with him, then them. If you know NOW a plan is in the pipeline then bloody well stand up and say something!!

 

[Lau88]

I got my los passport without my oh knowing, he didn't sign anything and hes on birth certificate. No questions were asked and we aren't married. I only done it as his family have properties abroad and i wouldn't of put it past them to get one and take her, this was at a time when it was all very me against them and them thinking they had authority over me.

i think this is something you'll just have to bring up and tell them straight. By them mentioning it in front of u and u saying nothing that's permission in their eyes.

 

[kerrie24]

I would tell them now as they sound like they have it all planned and she is looking forward to your dd going.By not saying anything you are allowing them to continue planning,oblivious that you aren't going to let her go.
Just tell them straight and then its done and everyone is on the same page.

 

[Abz1982]

I have told OH she isnt going. He can relay that to his mother. She hasnt spoken to me about it at all.
I have messaged SIL who is over there - who they would be staying with, to ask her what the jist is, and relay that I havent been actively involved in any discussions and that I am not happy about her going yet as she is FAR too young.

I dunno if OH thinks his mum is about to kick the bucket. She is possibly going to have to have her foot amputated in the next few years due to having a stirrup.

If he just waits a few years we can all probably go over!

The funny thing is.............when they were younger his mum was super paranoid about their dad taking them and leaving the country that she wouldnt let them have passports........Pot and Kettle me thinks!

And no, I don't trust the woman, she is two faced, she slagged me off to SIL and would say horrible thins about SIL, then deny it all. I guess I am two faced in that I am saying stuff about her and are nice to her face, but I cant be done with OH being a dick about it all the time.

 

[AP]

That message to SIL asking about who they would be staying with etc might make them think you are open to it in someway. I'd be careful with what words you use because they will constantly be on at you otherwise. I would personally just keep to a flat no. No discussion, it's just not happening. Not now, and not until a few years, and it will only be open to discussion on your say so.

You're right though, your OH can tell them.

 

[cat lover]

Im glad the subterfuge is over and youve told oh straight she cant go

 

[MissRhead]

How awful no way if let this happen. Just to add one parent can get a passport as I got my LO's without his dad having anything to do with it and he is on the birth certificate, oh and also I've flown numerous times and never been questioned about having permission from his farther, I don't even share the same surname as my LO x