OH not happy about birth at home :o(

[taperjeangirl]

I know that if I really want it, he will just eventually go along with it but I don't want that.

I want him to feel comfortable about it and he said the only way he will feel comfortable is if I'm in hospital

I don't think even I'd be as happy and excited about a HB if he wasn't so I am stuck on what to do.

He knows the risks of both places, he knows my reasons for wanting one, and he knows all the facts and percentages etc .

I don't know what else to do other than cancel it and just go to hospital and still plan a natural hypnobirth there instead.

 

[Lizzie K]

Sadly, if he's not on board, it won't be a pleasant experience. I gave up on any hope of home birth because my hubby isn't with me on it. He isn't worried about my health, he knows I "pop them out" with no problems. What bothers him is the mess. He has been there for me with the first two, but he does get grossed out by the blood and everything, especially when the placenta comes out. He admitted to me that after our first was born, he was worried that all my guts had just fallen out. He just wants me to be in a hospital with people to clean it up, instead of risking getting that on any of our furniture of floor. And I can totally understand where he's coming from.

Unless he has a change of mind, I would suggest just having a natural birth at the hospital. It will be very stressful for you to have him not completely supporting you. Have you tried talking to him about why he prefers you not to have the baby at home? Since he knows all the facts, he knows where you're coming from and why you want it that way, but have you tried getting his opinion? Honestly, the only thing I can see for you to do is to talk to him. Or, rather, get him to talk to you about his point of view.

 

[DaretoDream]

I understand what you mean- i talked briefly with dh on this matter- he was too worried. if something went wrong god forbid the baby was in distress he was too worried i couldn't get to the hosp in time to save me or baby.

So i did the hosp. birth. It actually wasn't too terrible. I was glad i was surrounded by a bunch of people who were very kind to me- i had a midwife too- so she was on board about my natural plan. They were great. And i did do it all natural. It was a crazy experience, but i would do it that way again in a heartbeat.

You can still have a good birth- even in a hosp. But if dh isn't comfy he'll stress you out and you don't need that at all!!!

 

[taperjeangirl]

He has said its about the mess too, aswell as the health of me and the baby, keeps going on about his floors being ruined by the birth pool!

No matter how much I reassure him this won't happen he's convinced he'd have to redo all the floors afterwards!

 

[PipPlus3]

Have you thought about showing him some of the home birth videos on youtube? There are some fantastic ones that show the rooms covered up and how relaxing and natural the labours are. It might not make a difference to him, but then you won't be any worse off. I agree with the pps though, if he's not fully on board it might be more stressful for you and him!

 

[madasa]

It doesn't have to be that messy. If you birth in water, most of the "mess" is contained in the pool. Otherwise, a couple of cheap shower curtains and some old towels to protect the surfaces. Maybe you could have a friend, relative or doula there to do the clean up, so he can just be there for YOU, and after, the baby as well.

If you do want a homebirth, it's worth working out how to accommodate his worries and do that (if possible) without compromising what YOU really want.

 

[midget em]

My friend had a Homebirth she said there was a large plastic mat on the floor but the midwife's just cleaned all the mess up and it was no bother at all. It was kind of one of my concerns but it really didn't seem to be any kind of an issue. She give birth 2 mins after getting out of the pool too so it was a land birth.
Hope your OH comes round x

 

[Creative]

I'm pregnancy with number 4.
Number 1 was born in hospital. Even though i did obs and gynae modules in my nursing, I'd never heard of a homebirth other than emergency.
Between #1 and #2 I read a book that mentioned homebirth and I was really keen, but OH wasn't convinced. Too messy, too dangerous, to stupid were his comments. I ended up having a domino, last minute in and out.
#3 I suggested that I'd like a homebirth fully expecting OH to be radically opposed still, but he agreed after talking to the midwife.
I have to say, it was an amazing experience and as for mess, there was none.
we went to B&Q and bought plastic decorating sheets and then bought some really cheep cotton sheets. these were spread out on the floor where I birthed.
The placenta was taken away in a bucket and the midwives simply bumdled the sheets and plastic into big yellow sacks and took them away. There was nothing left to show that birth had taken place at all.
Homebirth is a situation that you need your OH to be behind because stress is not helpful in the throws of birth. Has your OH spoken to anyone with homebirth experience?

 

[freckleonear]

My hubby wasn't keen on a homebirth at first. I asked him exactly what his concerns were and showed him relevant information, which helped a bit but he was still nervous about it. However, he absolutely loved the home birth experience. He was able to help the midwives bring in all their equipment from the car, which made him feel really useful, there was no mess to sort out afterwards other than turning the washing machine on, and he loved snuggling up together in our own bed. For weeks afterwards he was proudly telling everyone that his daughter was born at home and he's now strongly in support of homebirth.

 

[Mervs Mum]

It might not be very PC but I think birth is definitely one time we shouldn't be submissive to men. In fact this is fast becoming a pet peeve of mine. I don't think we should be submissive to partners fullstop but I gives everyone's relationships have different dynamics and foundations.

My husband wasn't struck on the idea either. You might have read it on the HomeBirthers and Hopefuls sticky. I tried to bring him with me but he was honest and said if its what you want I'll support you but I can't help not being 100%. So that was that. I give birth. I get the casting vote. Now he's the biggest home birth advocate there is.

I liked this recent article on husbands and home birth.

https://projectmonline.com/2012/02/29/husbands-and-home-birth-a-call-for-women-to-educate-men/

 

[madasa]

Have to say, my hubs was pretty cool about doing it at home, but mainly because he wasn't happy with how we were treated in hospital the first time round.

Afterwards, he said it was GREAT! Now, I did transfer after the birth because of a problem, but EVEN SO, he would still stay home to do it again next time.

His perspective was that, in hospital, he felt like a "spare tool". (His words.) He didn't feel useful or involved hardly at all. He was ignored, frankly, because the staff were (understandably) focussing on me and the baby. Afterwards, he had to LEAVE US (because it wasn't visiting hours) and go home by himself, which neither of us were happy about. This is an aspect of hosp birth that gets overlooked I think.

At home, he was on his own turf, if you like. He felt much more confident. He had nothing but positive words to say about it, even though we did have a bit of an issue at the end. Had it all gone perfectly, we'd have all been staying TOGETHER afterwards, with no time limits or intrusions...

 

[Pielette]

My husband actually found it a good experience having the birth at home, again because it was his 'turf' and because I was relaxed he just held my hand, monitored the temp of the pool etc. The midwives actually did very little cos they just let me get on with it (exactly what I wanted). He was unconvinced at first because he thought (as so many do) that it is safer to be in hospital.
As for mess, if you use a birth pool you're sorted. I had plastic shower curtains down on the floor (which had a lovely new carpet I hasten to add!) and towels on the sofa, and everything was protected. Afterwards my husband and mum just cleared the pool and all the mess was gone, it was easily dealt with. My carpet still looks gorgeous!
I also think that this is your birth and he should try to come on board with your decision. Yes I know his opinion counts, my husband's did too, but if you're not comfortable it could have a massive effect on your labour and birth.

 

[taperjeangirl]

Thanks for your replies!

I won't feel uncomfortable if I do go to hospital, out new birthing rooms are AMAZING, and most of them have birth pools.

The reasons behind it are mostly I don't want to leave my 3 yr old for any length of time, and she wont be allowed to visit at all, as the rooms are all classed as labour ward as the room the labour and give birth in is the room you stay in till you leave, so no kids allowed

I like the thought of being at home then straight into to my own bed, but all being well I know I can do that within 6 hours of birth anyway.

As stupid as this sounds, I want to be away from the temptation of the drugs! They weren't by any means forced on me before but if I know they are there and readily available I know I'll take them!

At home I wont be able to, I just want to be fully aware this time instead of being out of it for most of it.

I know my OH will go along with it if I want him to, but I just don't want him to "go along" with it!
I want him to feel safe and comfortable and I definitely wouldn't feel that if I force him in to it as I know he will be in a blind panic most of the time.

He was terrified last time and I don't think he'll be any better this time!

 

[ZoeZo]

My OH is uber picky over mess and a clean house, I said to him last night 'I don't think you could handle the mess of a home birth' he shocked me by saying it would be ok! Thought that would put him right off - I have been 'priming' him by saying girls on here talk about tarpualins, old towels, buckets and how the midwife takes away the dirty stuff!

 

[madasa]

What kind of ante natal support do you have? If he is "terrified" of birth, surely it is better to address that and potentially birth where you most want to? I mean, this does need addressing regardless of where you birth! If he is feeling terrified (not calm and fairly relaxed, positive) he is going to be coursing with adrenaline. It's not a fabulous idea to have a person in this state near a birthing woman.