OH wants another one now... I think we need to wait :/ help?!

[LilMiss_91]

Posted this on my previous 2WW thread but think it fits better over here! Any thoughts on this?

Me and OH talked yesterday, about TTC. It's the first time we've both actually said "we would like another one" and both actually meant like, NOW haha. I don't know how to feel really. He said he wouldn't see it as a problem if I were to get pregnant again, even though we are still living mainly at my parents house but kind of, separately. He stays here but he doesn't "live" here iykwim? Anyway, his mum wants him moved out by his next birthday which is in August. But I feel like, if we can't afford a 3 bedroom house NOW, and we still can't by August, do we really want a 2nd baby on the way making the need for a 3 bed a necessity not just a preference? I don't know. I would love to have another one. But I can't imagine having to break it to my parents AGAIN. Having an accident once is one thing, PLANNING another baby while still under their roof would just feel like we were taking advantage of them. What do you think? I'm so confused. I thought he would be against having another until we securely in our own home but apparently not

 

[calliebaby]

I would wait until you get your own place. It's your decision and responsibility to have children, not your parents. It will be harder to get your own place after a second kid. I would secure a place first, than ttc.
I hope that didn't sound harsh.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[southernbound]

Sadly I agree with Callie :/ My SIL and her husband have lived with my in laws for 4 years now. Generally there were no hard feelings about it when it was just the one baby but when they purposely had nother under my in laws roof the resentment set in and it's really caused some hard-done-by feelings now :/. Plus having another baby+ expenses might make moving out harder, compounding the problem ya know?

 

[NovemberSnow]

I'm afraid I agree with the other posters. It must be really hard to wait when you want another child so badly, but I think you should prioritise moving out and getting your own place first. Can you use this as your motivation to move out quicker?

 

[aimee-lou]

I would get your own place. I know renting feels like wasting money etc, but it would give you space and time to do what you want with your lives.

And you don't NEED a 3 bed. Siblings can share, baby will be in with you, it may take months to conceive etc, and if you're renting smaller is cheaper so you can be saving up etc. I have my 3 boys in 1 bedroom in a rented terrace. It's not forever. We hope to move soon to a 3 bed and buy a nice big 3/4 bed once the time comes. With 2 children there's nowhere near the urgency to get a 3rd bedroom.

But I agree, don't plan another baby while living in someone else's home. I know that your parents wouldn't see you on the street, but it may breed resentment and make them feel used. I would start to put wheels in motion and see about moving sooner rather than later.

Good luck, it sounds like exciting times ahead!

 

[LilMiss_91]

Thankyou for your input ladies. It's hard hearing it coming from other people... even though you've only all said things I've been thinking/feeling myself! I think you'll understand what I mean . I know we need to wait. It's just so hard when I know that what we both want is another child and knkwing we aren't in the best position to be moving right now. There's very little property available in our area that's in our price range, even if we were to move into a 2 bed temporarily. Actually we had a bit of an argument about it tonight. It's important to me that we stay fairly local to my family as I cant drive and my OH works quite long hours 5 days a week. I don't want to be stranded out in the middle of nowhere unable to get to a shop or to my family or to the dr's if LO needs to go urgently. And then we have to consider local schools because realistically we don't know if we would be able to move before LO starts school. I want him to be able to go to a small school, not aome huge 30-40 children-per-class where I'm worried he might struggle or not get the help he needs. OH suggested we expand our search to a 10 mile radius of our original search area rather than 5. I feel like I'm being backed into a corner and I'm going to end up in a strange house, in a strange area and not even be abke to go to a familiar place/person without him. I feel like he doesn't quite respect or at least understamd how important the location is to me. As I've pointed out to him, he can drive, he'll still be going out to work most days and be spending very little time actually at home. I will be the one stuck at home on my own with one (potentially 2) small children. He just doesn't seem to get it it's really starting to upset me I just feel like it doesn't matter to him whether I'm happy about where we go or not.

 

[southernbound]

Oh hon I'm sorry the situation is so hard I completely understand about location being important.

I apologize if I'm not getting a firm grasp on your situation, but could you learn how to drive? It sounds like that would essentially solve 99% of your problems. 10 miles really isn't terribly far to be from family and if you could drive you could pop in and see them when you're lonely or just go wander around the shops with babies in the stroller. Just a thought Otherwise though, location is absolutely understandable.

 

[staralfur]

I agree with the other ladies that you should get out of your parents' house before having another child, or at the very least talk to them about it. If you're scared of telling them that kind of suggests they wouldn't be thrilled about it, so I'd respect that.

As for location, if you have a tight budget then you'll probably have to expand your search area. I agree with the PP that if you're physically able to drive, you would probably be much happier learning and getting a license. What's transit like in your area?

 

[LilMiss_91]

I could physically learn to drive, but I suffer from GAD as well as being pretty much phobic about driving. I know it sounds silly but even the thought of getting in the drivers seat fills me with fear. I have nightmares about it :/. So it isn't as easy as just learning to drive.
Do you mean public transport? It's ok but quite a lot of where I live is villages/small towns surrounded by very rural places and farmland and once you're out of the village /town transport isn't great. Which is why I don't want to be stuck out in the sticks :/

 

[annio84]

I can completely understand the location issue. When we moved into this house I could drive but we could only afford 1 car and DH had it for work. I was stuck her with very poor public transport links and found it really stressful. That said, maybe it's worth looking at what's in the bigger search area? It might be that you are surprised and if there's nothing suitable you're not obliged to buy anything in that area. It may even be harder to get your OH to understand your concerns when they are specifically about 1 place.

Good luck

 

[aimee-lou]

I do understand. I see you're in Norfolk - I'm in Norfolk too and unless you're in the towns/on a main route the buses can be a little unreliable. I'm lucky to be on a main route so my bus journeys are usually ok.

However, I do think that you need to look big picture here. Could you go to your GP and get some counselling? Could you get a bike and trailer to help with the transport issues? If you need to look further afield research bus routes and taxi fares and concentrate your search to main routes and roads.

Your future is all riding on this and it's a massive thing. I do understand, but you have to take the plunge at sometime otherwise you may find you're stuck resenting your situation and causing more problems to crop up. Sometimes inaction is worse than action.

Good luck xx

 

[LilMiss_91]

I have been to my GP and I've been trying a medication, an SSRI but they really didn't agree with me (constant nausea, shaking, palpitations, jaw clenching etc ) so hes given me a new one to try. Havent started it yet though as have to wait for the 1st to be out of my system.

We have a house viewing on Sunday, in the town where I want to be based (well, 2nd best anyway). So FX'd it goes well and its suitable. Also have to make sure the house we get is suitable for childminding as I'm fully qualified so would be silly not to make use of it and get some extra income. But that does obviously require a bit more space as the amount of children you can have is based on how many square metres you have of actual "space" (not including furniture, just bare floor space).