Stressbucket
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- Mar 5, 2012
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Freaking out here.
I miscarried in late March, and my period started again late April. I believe I'm now about eight weeks pregnant--testing positive at home, and nausea/breast tenderness. I tried to get a clinical test done, but am running into enormous scheduling difficulties.
This last two months has been insane. I got a hideous cold at the end of May, and still have a cough from it. My hours at work were dramatically cut, then I ran out and got a new job. We're financially in the hole, but the new job will help a lot, and I will get proper medical insurance again. But that doesn't kick in until the end of August, so I'm trying to find someone in the interim.
I feel inadequate and nuts. I realize the reason I haven't seen a doctor yet is a. the first time I was pregnant, they flatly refused to talk to me until eight weeks, and b. I think I wanted to see if the new bean was going to show signs of stick-to-it-iveness. I worked my butt off with the first pregnancy trying to get things set up. With this one, I increased my folic acid regime, called Medi-Cal to get an extension...and then I stuck.
So I'm taking my prenatals, and sitting through the nausea, and checking every single time I wipe for the dark brown smudge that was my first sign last time that something was terribly wrong.
I feel so inadequate. I can't even figure out how to get a pregnancy test done at the clinic. I went, and they told me it was no longer drop-in, and to come back at four o'clock, when I had to be at work.
I never expected this. It took six months to conceive the first time. I figured we were in for a little wait, and I'd use the time to get our finances in order, and blam, here we are.
A sane person would have not tried again right away, but I'm turning 39 next month, and I'm perhaps irrationally afraid that we may not have long to try.
It just hit me tonight. I've known for a couple of weeks, but was pretty much in denial, just taking folic acid, and thinking, "OK, if you stick around we'll talk."
I feel like such a mess. Real mothers have proper health coverage, and cars, and jobs they've had longer than a week. Me, I'm borrowing from my parents to go to a doc in the box clinic because I need to get rid of this hacking cough somehow, and my mom, who hasn't been told officially yet, is obliquely asking if I know to tell the doctor that I'm pregnant.
Thank you all. I just feel...panicked. I desperately want to make this all be OK, but last time it wasn't, and...I'm so, so scared.
I miscarried in late March, and my period started again late April. I believe I'm now about eight weeks pregnant--testing positive at home, and nausea/breast tenderness. I tried to get a clinical test done, but am running into enormous scheduling difficulties.
This last two months has been insane. I got a hideous cold at the end of May, and still have a cough from it. My hours at work were dramatically cut, then I ran out and got a new job. We're financially in the hole, but the new job will help a lot, and I will get proper medical insurance again. But that doesn't kick in until the end of August, so I'm trying to find someone in the interim.
I feel inadequate and nuts. I realize the reason I haven't seen a doctor yet is a. the first time I was pregnant, they flatly refused to talk to me until eight weeks, and b. I think I wanted to see if the new bean was going to show signs of stick-to-it-iveness. I worked my butt off with the first pregnancy trying to get things set up. With this one, I increased my folic acid regime, called Medi-Cal to get an extension...and then I stuck.
So I'm taking my prenatals, and sitting through the nausea, and checking every single time I wipe for the dark brown smudge that was my first sign last time that something was terribly wrong.
I feel so inadequate. I can't even figure out how to get a pregnancy test done at the clinic. I went, and they told me it was no longer drop-in, and to come back at four o'clock, when I had to be at work.
I never expected this. It took six months to conceive the first time. I figured we were in for a little wait, and I'd use the time to get our finances in order, and blam, here we are.
A sane person would have not tried again right away, but I'm turning 39 next month, and I'm perhaps irrationally afraid that we may not have long to try.
It just hit me tonight. I've known for a couple of weeks, but was pretty much in denial, just taking folic acid, and thinking, "OK, if you stick around we'll talk."
I feel like such a mess. Real mothers have proper health coverage, and cars, and jobs they've had longer than a week. Me, I'm borrowing from my parents to go to a doc in the box clinic because I need to get rid of this hacking cough somehow, and my mom, who hasn't been told officially yet, is obliquely asking if I know to tell the doctor that I'm pregnant.
Thank you all. I just feel...panicked. I desperately want to make this all be OK, but last time it wasn't, and...I'm so, so scared.
