Omg i did it!!!!

[Novbaby08]

I wrote Tyler a warning letter. Back when Harley was born I promised him that I would give him the first year to prove himself. He never did. Never made any effort to be in her life. Saddest part is, he had a lot of potential to be a great dad. Thats what makes me the saddest, I tried even being his friend, nothing seemed to work. So I held up my end of the bargain though.... here's what I sent him:


This is kinda your warning letter. I had promised you that you had the first year of Harley's life to prove yourself, and only then would I back off a bit, and place you on her birth certificate, change last name, etc. So far you have done nothing. And all you've proven is how little you feel for her. I don't want her to grow up knowing you didn't really love her. So I kept pictures to show her when she gets older; I figure I'll just tell her you were young and weren't ready. Rather then tell her the exact truth. Once she turns a year old though the doors will be closed so to speak. And then you will not be allowed ever. Also I'm waiting till her birthday to decide whether or not we're moving back to Washington. Like I said though, thats it on November 21st, you will no longer have any opportunity to see her or be in her life again. I refuse to go on past a year, I spent the first few months of her life trying to make you part of it, and I gave up. I left it up to you the past few months, but as i kind of expected you put up no fight to see her. So this is your last warning. I'm sorry things couldn't have turned out differently. You had a lot of potential to be a great dad.
-Allison

I don't know...maybe I'm being unfair....what do you think?

 

[lou_w34]

Hmmm i think it sounds fair to me, after all, a year is a lot more time than what some people will give, My ex is going to get one chance to be a dad and one chance only, so i think you have been more than fair.

If i were you, id just leave him alone for now, if he's willing to make the effort he will contact you, and if he doesnt then you will no that you have done the right thing, and if he does at least he's willing to make more of an effort.

Just do what you think is best =) and good luck

 

[Novbaby08]

Yeah I'm done with him. That was my final word to him. So I just thought I send out the warning letter ahead of time to remind him. That yes I am going to go through with keeping him out. And when November rolls around, I plan on telling everyone then that I'm moving next summer. I have no desire to stay in Utah. But I have been incredibly nice considering the fact he abandoned me when I was pregnant then saw her only a couple times. He hasn't seen her since she was 3 months old.

 

[purpledahlia]

I think thats a good letter and he has had long enough.!

 

[Novbaby08]

Thats the way I see it, He's technically had over a year if you count when i was pregnant

 

[asacia]

I can understand where you are coming from. If he keeps the letter and shows your daughter in the future, will she understand?

 

[amylk87]

Sounds fair to me, you told him he had a year and he hasn't done anything. You have every right to protect your daughter from false promises and heartache.

 

[Novbaby08]

How will he show her, he isn't in her life. Never even tried to be. And I'm sure she will understand, I will show it to her myself.

 

[Novbaby08]

Harley deserves better

 

[asacia]

How will he show her, he isn't in her life. Never even tried to be. And I'm sure she will understand, I will show it to her myself.

There is always the chance that he will seek her out, or she will try to find him. As long as you think that you can explain/justify your actions to her, if it ever comes to that, then sending the letter might be an idea. Another option is to not prevent her seeing him, if he ever decides to be involved, but don't put your life on hold waiting.

 

[Novbaby08]

I don't want her to be hurt by his actions. Of all the regrets I was told, while I was pregnant by single moms. The main regrets were putting the guy on the birth certificate, and allowing deadbeats to be part of their baby's life. I say deadbeats, because not all guys are.

 

[EmmanBump]

I think that you have done the right thing hun, you should be so proud of yourself for being so strong!

 

[Jkelmum]

How will he show her, he isn't in her life. Never even tried to be. And I'm sure she will understand, I will show it to her myself.

How well my son is 14 and just met his dad for the first time ...you may not be able to stop him if he wants access i know its wrong how he can piss u about just warning u this may not be the end ...although i hope it is for u and harley xxx

 

[woadie]

I think that by your letter, you've maintained contact with him and made it clear that you would like maintained contact from him for Harley. And that you cannot afford her heart to be broken by a Daddy who can't be bothered.

Like serina says, there may come a time when he wants contact with Harley and it will probably put you into a real predicament and cause a lot of heart ache to you after he's been such an a$$ in her early years... but at least this letter shows that you cared enough to not just walk away, but to make that final fight for her to have her daddy in her formative years.

I suppose all us single mums have this potential predicament of FOB wanting to walk back in whenever they want, and how we will deal with it.

I wouldn't do any different than you have done with that letter, and I think iwhat you wrote is good

((hugs))