omg, the doctor actually laughed at me!

[rosie5637]

just got back from the doctors and can't stop crying

i want to start ttc next summer through AI as i have a history of early menopause in my family and i'm worried about how much time i have left. i can't bare the thought of my son being an only child and of not being pregnant etc again.

i made an appointment to have a long overdue smear, discuss fertility and to get checked out for any STI's and STD's (just a precaution but sensible to get the all clear before becoming pregnant).

as soon as i started talking about my fertility she just laughed and said she couldn't understand why i thought i might be infertile. i told her i didn't think that, i was just concerned how much time i had left. i also pointed out that if i had menopause i would obviously be infertile and thats why i want to ttc next year, again she laughed. by this point i was all cross and flustered and nothing was coming out right.

she then wanted my life story because she didn't think i needed to have tests for STD's etc. i just told her my ex was a rat but that wasn't good enough for her and she has refused to give me any blood tests.

i had my smear, which really hurt cause i was all tense and she said everything looked healthy which was good.

she made me feel a complete fool and very small. how i didn't burst into tears i don't know
i hadn't even got round to telling her that i was going down the AI route to ttc next year. god only knows what she would have said if i told her that!

she has made me extremely worried about other peoples reactions now, especially that of my mum.

feeling very low now

 

[Maybe75]

Aw hun sorry to hear that! Your doctor sounds very unprofessional. There are nicer ways to say there's nothing to worry about than laughing!

Also, i don't know much about fertility/early menopause, but i would think a doctor refusing to give you an std test is pretty dispicable. The way the NHS are pushing them at the moment, it seems pretty mad to turn people away. I believe anyone can pop along to one of the NHS drop-in clinics and get an STD test, if you wanted to do that.

Are there other doctors at your surgery you could go to? If not i'd look at getting another doctors, and once you're settled making a complaint about this one. If you're thinking of going down the AI route, i would imagine you'll need a doc that you get on well with.

 

[babesx3]

*hugs*
sounds like your dr is a bit of a cow!!!

 

[mbara]

I'm sorry your doctor was so insensitive. If it were me, I'd take myself elsewhere. Especially if you're going to get pregnant and go there constantly.

 

[mummy3]

That doctor sounds awful, Id get yourself to a different one asap!
Maybe try a GUM clinic to get the std tests, your right if you have any doubts at all you should get checked!

I know how you feel about the fear of early menopause, both my mother and grandmother got it in their late 20s. Can I ask how old you are?

 

[rosie5637]

i'm nearly 28, my mum and nan had menopause at 40 and 32.

i know i could end up being normal but don't want to take the chance.

 

[selina22]

oh hun your doctor sounds horrible i think you should also change doctors if possible dont let it get you down only you know your body i learnt that doctors only go by textbooks if you feel this is what might happen trust your body and do what you want and get a new doctor to support you xx

 

[Armywife]

Some doctors are so insensitive! I so feel for you. I have had countless experiences where i have gone home feeling as you do and nobody should ever have to go through that! I used to complain about back pain, from childhood in fact and my GP would just talk to me as if i was making it up, she also once laughed at me when i told her i could hardly walk some days, years later i got an MRI scan and it was found i had spina biffida! When my baby girl was born she was so so poorly, no one would take us seriously, my health visitor called me dramatic and an a&e pediatrician laughed in my face, i went home feeling helpless and that my hubby and i had nowhere else to turn. Half an hour after walking back through my front door my baby suffered a fit, turned out she had a stomach condition which required emergency surgery. The surgeon said she was hours from death and the fit was actually a blessing as she'd probably have not made it through the night. I vowed from that moment that i would never ever let anyone make me feel that way again. If i feel strongly about something i will stand my ground until i am satisfied at the outcome.

I so think you need to go back and, if possible, see another doctor. Perhaps write down everything you want to address and do not leave until you have done so. You are well within your rights to request blood tests and STI tests, if they still refuse to test you then go along to a GUM clinic, as you said, its sensible to be sure.

As for what other people may think, don't worry about it. Ultimately it is your decision what you do with your life, whatever you decide they will support you - even if they don't necessarily think you are doing the right thing to begin with.

Good luck to you and big hugs also xxxx

 

[luckyme225]

You need to get yourself a new doctor. There's no reason for you to have to put up with a doctor who doesn't listen to your concerns. I'm sorry she was so rude to you.

 

[SarahC82]

Hi Hun,

Thats awful - your dr was really out of line doing that, i too would feel how you do if i had to go through that experience

sending lots of hun

xx

 

[lozzy21]

Id put a complant in to the practice manager. Even if she thought you were over reacting she should have tryed to calm your fears not laugh at you.

 

[Damita]

Aww hun *hugs* so sorry to hear that, what a horrible doctor

 

[topazicatzbet]

awe hun, what an insensitive doctor.

like others have said you can always drop in to a gum clinic to get checked out or ask to see another doctor.

as for others opinions on your decision to do AI, i think you ll be plesently suprised. my little boy was concieved that way using a donor and i ve had nothing but support from everyone. i ve had people that were shocked when i told them but they have all said good on me.

if i did come across any one who had opinions on it i wouldnt give two hoots as i have the most precious thing in the world now.

 

[sleepinbeauty]

that is SOOO not ok! I'm so sorry! 8hugs*

You need to find a new doctor. There is no reason that this would EVER be acceptable.

 

[Amygdala]

Goodness that's shocking. I've had a similar experience with a nurse before (told me to come back for my rubella check when I'm pregnant). I'd look into getting another doctor and as Lozzy says file a comlaint if you feel strongly enough about it.
I don't think anyone is going to judge you by the way! No-one has a right to anyway but also no-one has a reason to. So don't worry too much about what people think.
I have a question though: are you going to try naturally first or do you have a reason not to? I'm assuming you'll have to pick up the bill for any treatment? Might be worth trying naturally for a few cycles first, using all other help you can get? I would definitely speak to a gynaecologist now. You can get a gp to transfer you or I believe you can just make an appointment privately.

 

[rosie5637]

thanks for all your replies

amygdala. i am currently single so the natural method is not an option for me. although there are plenty of weirdo donors on the net who would oblige!

i guess thats why i'm a bit worried about peoples reactions really. i am a single mum to 1 son already and in terms of babysitters i have very little support and so just don't have the opportunity to meet anyone. i'm not bitter about it, i love being a mum and don't mind not going out much but realistically i'm probably not gonna meet anyone before my fertility dips.



topazicatzbet. thanks, thats made me feel better. i'm glad you've had a good experience with AI. maybe i'll have to come to you for some tips

 

[moochacha]

OMG!!! Some Doctors are such !@#$)(*#%#@. What a bitch sorry for the language. How can she refuse you a routine blood test? First of all the medical industry goes on about having regular check ups for STD's & STI's so where does she get off treating you like this.

Don't feel small she's probably some GP that hasn't done anything to improve her skills and she doesn't have anything better to do than make herself feel better by making others feel small. She's in the wrong both professionally and ethically and its her that should feel small.

Ok ill end my rant... I really hope you feel better hun because you did the right thing and I think you're a wonderful mother for thinking head and getting your body ready for another pregnancy, its the responsible thing to do.

 

[topazicatzbet]

thanks for all your replies

amygdala. i am currently single so the natural method is not an option for me. although there are plenty of weirdo donors on the net who would oblige!

i guess thats why i'm a bit worried about peoples reactions really. i am a single mum to 1 son already and in terms of babysitters i have very little support and so just don't have the opportunity to meet anyone. i'm not bitter about it, i love being a mum and don't mind not going out much but realistically i'm probably not gonna meet anyone before my fertility dips.



topazicatzbet. thanks, thats made me feel better. i'm glad you've had a good experience with AI. maybe i'll have to come to you for some tips

more than happy to help hun, i can even give you details of a safe site to use to find a suitable donor.

 

[Miss_d]

Thats ashame ur doctor made you feel like that, some doctors really dont bother how there patients feel, i think you should go back and see another doctor and put your mind at rest, keep ur chin up

Laura x

 

[KrisKitten]

aw hun
If something worries you then its their duty to check it out
And its outragous that you were refused a blood test.
If i were you i would make a formal complaint.
Say that you're worries were belittled, you were made to feel uneasy during ur smear, that you were refused a blood test even though you have reason to worry about STIs due to an unfaithful ex partner and that none of your concerns were adequately met.
Have a look online and find out who the head practioner is at your surgery and address it to them, and make it known that if you dont recieve a proper response from them then you will be making a complaint against the whole surgery.
It might sound trivial but what if she treats someone else in the same way and they do have an STI and end up seriously ill/infertile.
Massive ,
dont let her put you off what other people will say - she sounds like an idiot and she deserves a formal warning to teach her some professionalism xxx