Omg!!! Why Is This Happening?!!

[LongRoadAhead]

Hello all, really sorry about this rant but i just need to get it out before i end up screaming my head off!!
The boyfriend,The guys baby that im carrying,The person whos been the 'love of my life' for 2 years, What a total and utter twat he is!
You may remember from my other post that we were uming and areing about whether hes going to move to devon or not, well we have had a lot of problems latley and i mean alot, We have been argueing for the last few months before we ever found out I was pregnant, but since then its just got worse!! I actually do hate him,I know its a strong phrase to use but i do!! He doesnt know what hes doing to me and my family, every nite we have arguements it doesnt just effect me, it upsets my mum and everyone too!
Welllllllllllll he wants me to have an abortion which im deffinantly not doing! I couldnt go threw with it! And now hes saying he doesnt want his name on the birth certificate(just so he doesnt have to pay CSA) and hes just genrally being so so horrible to me, called me every name under the sun and now i dont want anything to do with him atall!!
Anyone got an ideas of how i can calm myself lol! I dont want the LO being under stress!
I know il be able to cope with the support of my family but iv got to try so hard to not go running back to him! ahhh my life feels such a mess at the moment!
Anyway im really sorry for this ladies but i just had to get it out!
Ashleigh x

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

aww huni first of all big hug i know what its like to live far away form your OH me and my OH did it for nrly 3 years

Well if you have been arguing alot do you mind if i ask what about?? me and my Oh found we argued when we were apart cos we missed each other so much and it hurt so we just took it out on each other. and just before i got pregnant we were arguing every night but now he has mived uo here to me we are great most of the time yeah we have our fallings out but everyone does.

As for him telling you to get an abortion that is horrible and i would have told him to get F**cked if i was you lol. If you really arnt happy though hunni and you really do hate him then all i can say is end it now because its your child that will suffer if you stay together for the sake of him/her. and that isnt fair to bring a baby into a realthionship with constant arguments

And if you feel like you are going to run back to him just think of you baby inside you and how the descion will effect him/her and then make uo your mind

And as for the CSA. if he doesn;t put his name in the birth certificate. then get hold of them and they will do a DNA test which they will pay for. they can actually get a court order to do one as my ex brother in kaw refused to one for his child and they got a court order. And when it comes back that the baby is his he will have to pay for the DNA test they have done and pay you all the payments he has missed plus continue paying you until babbys is 18. So its his choice the easy way or the hard way

just listen to your heart hunni
xx

 

[Dragonfly]

God what a tit he is being. Worry about you at this stage and the stress is not good for you at this stage either. So try and calm down and think of you and your baby. He may change his mind as times go on but if he dosnt you dont really need him to help you raise this child if he dosnt want it.

Seen this happen before and men usually change when they see their babies and want to be dads. Just take care of you right now and remember the hormones make everthing look so much worse!

 

[Tootsie]

hun go soak in the bath with some music on

 

[xAnnex]

Stay strong babe x

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

sorry he's being so horrible to you! i second everything that 16mumtobe said xx

 

[LongRoadAhead]

aww huni first of all big hug i know what its like to live far away form your OH me and my OH did it for nrly 3 years

Well if you have been arguing alot do you mind if i ask what about?? me and my Oh found we argued when we were apart cos we missed each other so much and it hurt so we just took it out on each other. and just before i got pregnant we were arguing every night but now he has mived uo here to me we are great most of the time yeah we have our fallings out but everyone does.

As for him telling you to get an abortion that is horrible and i would have told him to get F**cked if i was you lol. If you really arnt happy though hunni and you really do hate him then all i can say is end it now because its your child that will suffer if you stay together for the sake of him/her. and that isnt fair to bring a baby into a realthionship with constant arguments

And if you feel like you are going to run back to him just think of you baby inside you and how the descion will effect him/her and then make uo your mind

And as for the CSA. if he doesn;t put his name in the birth certificate. then get hold of them and they will do a DNA test which they will pay for. they can actually get a court order to do one as my ex brother in kaw refused to one for his child and they got a court order. And when it comes back that the baby is his he will have to pay for the DNA test they have done and pay you all the payments he has missed plus continue paying you until babbys is 18. So its his choice the easy way or the hard way

just listen to your heart hunni
xx

Thank you soooo much 16mumtobe, That made me feel soooo much better!
Its really hard living so far apart, We argue about anything, mainly because hes so paranoid and doesnt like me seeing my friends or having facebook or bebo,If he knew i had this id be in big trouble,Hes very controlling and all the questions just ware me down, makes me feel like i havent really got a life of my own without having to tell him every little thing. But I think if we were closer together then the arguements wouldnt be so bad, but then again i feel like i wouldnt be able to step foot outside the house, and another thing he cant drop the past, Like say we had an arguement last year he still goes on about it now and cant move on! Its realllyyyy annoying!
Hah I pretty much did tell him to get fu**ed, but then after about a week of not talking he decided he does want to be with me but now i dont want it, It realy wouldnt be fair on the baby atall, Sometimes a child is better off with one parent if the other one is like him.
Iv got to stay strong for the baby!!I know I have to cos thats more important than any relationship!
Ooo really, I didnt know that about the CSA, he keeps telling me that he needs to be there for me to put his name on birth certificate and i looked it up on here and in June there was a change to the law so now he doesnt need to be there atal, But then again I dont want him to end up hateing me and holding things against me so it might be better if I didnt put his name on the birth cerftificate. Ahhh i dunno! Really dunno, Iv just got to stay calm and try not to think about things!
Thankyou so much!
Ashleigh x x x



Thankyou everyone else for your replys,Means alot x

 

[heather91]

Me and my OH lived far away before we moved in together and we argued a lot more when we were far away as well! I think that's a pretty common thing. I think you need to have a really serious talk with him. Having a baby will affect both of your lives and it's really important that you have a strong relationship because having a baby is going to test it to the max. Maybe suggest that you draw a line under everything that has happened and leave the past in the past, ready for a fresh start when the baby comes? Hope all works out for you. x

 

[cuddles314]

Stay strong hun, I hope all works out for you.
xx

 

[Berit87]

Oh my god, that sounds EXACTLY like my boyfriend. Well, my ex boyfriend. And my baby's father. He told me to get rid of the baby, promised to pay for the abortion. And when I said I am not going to do it he said I am stupid and he doesn't want his name on the certificate because he doesn't want to pay.

Well, you can tell him that he would need to pay anyway regardless whether his name is there or not. You can take it to court, they will do a DNA test and he will have to pay anyway, one way or not. Not putting his name on the certificate is not gonna help him. The only thing that name there does is if he in a few years time for example would want to have some rights for his child then he'd have none. I told my baby's father all that, he went pretty pale, bless him, haha.

Anyway. I have not seen him after that but he has started texting me asking how things are and how we're doing and telling me that he's gonna be there as a friend, blah blah blah. Nice of him!

My point is, don't let him scare you or upset you! You are doing the right thing for you and your child. And if he doesn't want to be around it's his loss, not yours! And if he does decide to stick around - all the better! ;-)

All the best of luck and hope it all works out for you! xx

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Oh my god, that sounds EXACTLY like my boyfriend. Well, my ex boyfriend. And my baby's father. He told me to get rid of the baby, promised to pay for the abortion. And when I said I am not going to do it he said I am stupid and he doesn't want his name on the certificate because he doesn't want to pay.

Well, you can tell him that he would need to pay anyway regardless whether his name is there or not. You can take it to court, they will do a DNA test and he will have to pay anyway, one way or not. Not putting his name on the certificate is not gonna help him. The only thing that name there does is if he in a few years time for example would want to have some rights for his child then he'd have none. I told my baby's father all that, he went pretty pale, bless him, haha.

Anyway. I have not seen him after that but he has started texting me asking how things are and how we're doing and telling me that he's gonna be there as a friend, blah blah blah. Nice of him!

My point is, don't let him scare you or upset you! You are doing the right thing for you and your child. And if he doesn't want to be around it's his loss, not yours! And if he does decide to stick around - all the better! ;-)

All the best of luck and hope it all works out for you! xx

Thankyou so much Berit87!
Glad to know im not the only person whos in this situation (well its not good but you know what i mean lol)
I just dont know why he is being like this! I faut he would be jumping at the thaught of being a daddy not running away from it all, Hes causing me so much stress latley but hes blaming me for it and for ruining our relationship cos i wont get an abortion.Hes not the one that has to physicly go threw this and he can just walk away whenever he wants but it would be nice to think he would support me one day.
Its early days yet but at some point I hope he pulls himself together and decides what he wants, whether he wants to be with me and the baby or to just leave us, Its the not knowing whats happening which is stressing me out. At the moment I would much rather be on my own with our baby cos il have all the support of my family and it wouldnt be right to bring our child up in this situation but there is no chance im going to have an abortion.
With the whole birth certificate situation it would be so much earier if he just aggrees for his name to be on the birth certificate and then maybe that way he wont end up hateing me for this,It would be nice if he could maybe set up a bank account or something and pay a little in every week so CSA wouldnt need to get involved but I know he would never do something like that.
Aww that was nice of him,Maybe now your ex has come to terms with everything and wants to be there.
Thank you again Il keep updated and hopfully next time it will be good! lol!
Take care
Ashleigh x x x

 

[Berit87]

You poor thing! It really does sound like our babies have got the same father He blamed me for everything as well, tried to put me down as much as he could, saying it's gonna be so difficult and that i am not gonna cope etc etc. Well, I will show him!

Of course it would be nice of him to give a bit of financial support but I assume his young and lots of young guys think they've got better things to do with their money. James said he deosn't have any money. WTF, he's got a full time job, got no one else to look after and he's got no money. Yet I will have to take care of myself AND my baby and I somehow have to have the money. With regards to the certificate I told him it's his loss. And I am not gonna chase the money. YET.

Now half a year later he apologised for being difficult at first saying he was in shock. Blimey, I had to react a lot quicker but never mind. I don't hate him (anymore) but i don't want him back either. I mean, I wouldn't mind if he wanted to spend time with our son in the future because I am sure my son would love it but I personally don't want anything to do with him anymore

You be strong girl and you'll see, everything will be just fine! With or without him. You'll have your little precious bundle of joy and that's all you need! Ever wanna talk or have a rant feel free to message me, always up for some gossip about stupid men

xxx

 

[LilFlower08]

[QUOTE/]
Its really hard living so far apart, We argue about anything, mainly because hes so paranoid and doesnt like me seeing my friends or having facebook or bebo,If he knew i had this id be in big trouble,Hes very controlling and all the questions just ware me down, makes me feel like i havent really got a life of my own without having to tell him every little thing. But I think if we were closer together then the arguements wouldnt be so bad, but then again i feel like i wouldnt be able to step foot outside the house, and another thing he cant drop the past, Like say we had an arguement last year he still goes on about it now and cant move on! Its realllyyyy annoying!
[/QUOTE]

My OH was like this a bit back along. he was very blunt about lil things like Facebook and bebo and he got funny f i just happened to meet up with a mate and not tell him or plan it ahead. i think its a case of security. the OH thinks the world of me and i know this but he also is scared these feelings aren't returned. he's worried im gonna "find someone better" or "miss the single life" or "think he's boring" because we have so many different interests.

Hun thats all part of relationships and distance is way harder to overcome becuase all sorts of problems arise and usually its all down to one things and one things only.... missing each other!

Don't forget just as your emotions are all over the shop so are his!! He's just as anxious as you because your both gonna be new to parent hood and maybe your arguing cos you got too many feelings in common?? you both feeling the same but dont know how to share it? trust me i'm ne for not being able to express myself... OH goes mad cos it's all or nothing...

Im either screaming and shouting and fuming because something or someone has hurt me or im quiet and reserved and no one can get me to talk... we just learnt to break those communication barriers??

Just speaking from experiences? don't know if it helps or anything but may ive you things to think about..

look after yourself and your baby tho hun...health is too precious! xx

 

[mz_jackie86]

You have just decribed both of my exs!!!
I wa pregnant by my ex when i was 19 and i told im i wanted to keep it, he caused so many arguements that i was so stressed i ended up miscarrying! You jus have to stay calm, turn ur phone of n dnt talk to him if all he is goin to do is cause drama!
Now my ex (baby father) one minute wants to no next minute doesnt and calls me all the names under the sun calls ma baby a throwback child!Basically is a prat!!!
Sends tx's calls me tells me to get rid of it n all that bla bla bla....but it makes me love the baby more co it will need more love without a dad!

You shouldn't listen to what he says when he is being so irrational at the end of the day you are the one having the baby not him, your family will support you and you will probably have much better role models than he will ever be!
Dont let him speak to you or call u awful things....tell him he need to grow up and act like an adult or ur not wasting ur breath on him!!! surprisingly works! x