MamaK
Mama to Miles
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2008
- Messages
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I was sent this last year... had to dust it off for Christmas this year again 
xxx
14th December
Dearest Darling John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a pear
tree. What a delightful romantic gift. Thank you my darling for the
lovely thought.
With deep affection,
Your ever loving
Agnes.
--------------------------
15th December
My Dearest Darling John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift of two turtledoves. I'm
delighted, they are adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
------------------------
16th December
Dearest Darling John,
Oh how extravagant you really are. I must protest, I don't deserve such
generosity, three French hens, I insist you are too kind.
Your loving,
Agnes
-------------------------
17th December
Dear John,
What can I say? Four beautiful calling birds arrived with the Postman
this morning.
Your kindness really is too much.
Love
Agnes
-------------------------
18th December
My Dear John
What a surprise, today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for
every finger. You really are an impossible boy, but I love you.
Frankly all the birds are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves.
Love
Agnes.
-------------------------
19th December
Dear John
When I opened the door this morning, there were actually six bloody
great geese - laying eggs all over the front step. What on earth do you
think I can do with them all?
The neighbours are beginning to complain about the smell, and I can't
sleep because of the noise!
Please stop.
Cordially yours,
Agnes
-------------------------
20th December
What is it with you and these bloody birds? Now I get seven swans a
swanning about the place! Is this some sort of goddamned joke?
The house is full of bird sh*t, and the racket!!! I am becoming a
Nervous wreck. It is not funny anymore, stop sending these flamin'
birds!!!
Agnes.
-------------------
21st December
OK buster, I think I prefer the birds.
What the h*ll am I going to do with eight maids a milking?
It's not enough with all the birds, now I have eight cows cr*pping all
Over the house and mooing all night long.
SOD OFF !!!!!!!
Agnes.
-------------------------
22nd December
Look d*ckhead - what are you on ?? You're having a laugh.
Now I have Nine pipers playing sh*te music constantly!!! And Christ do
they play.... When they aren't playing their soddin' pipes, they keep
chasing the Maids through the cow sh*t.
The cows keep on mooing and are treading all over the f*cking birds!!!
The neighbours are threatening to have me evicted.
Agnes.
-------------------------
23rd December
You are a f*cking barsteward!!!!
Now we have ten ladies dancing. How on earth anyone can call these
wh*res "ladies" is beyond me, they're pulling the pipers all night
long!!!!!
The cows can't sleep and now have diarrhoea. My living room is a sea of
sh*t and the landlord has just declared the building unfit for human
habitation.
F*CK OFF AND DIE JOHN, DO US ALL A FAVOUR!!!!!!!
Agnes
-------------------------
24th December
Listen sh*t face - what with eleven lords leaping about the house,
sh*gging me and the maids senseless, I shall probably never walk again.
The pipers are now fighting the lords for all the crumpet and resorting
to committing s*domy with the cows, the birds are dead and rotting
having been trampled during the orgy.
I hope you're satisfied? You w*nker
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes.
-------------------------
25th December
You stinking lousy sh*t!!!! Twelve f*cking drummers, banging their
f*cking drums all day long!!!! They have teamed up with the pipers,
making one hell of a noise, both lots have been b*ggering the cows and
Christ alone knows what happened to the milkmaids? They've probably
drowned in the cow sh*t by now. The only way I have to save myself from
getting screwed to death is by hiding up in the f*cking pear tree which
has been well fertilised by all this sh*t and has now grown through the
roof!!!!!
b*llocks to you,
Agnes.
xxx
14th December
Dearest Darling John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a pear
tree. What a delightful romantic gift. Thank you my darling for the
lovely thought.
With deep affection,
Your ever loving
Agnes.
--------------------------
15th December
My Dearest Darling John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift of two turtledoves. I'm
delighted, they are adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
------------------------
16th December
Dearest Darling John,
Oh how extravagant you really are. I must protest, I don't deserve such
generosity, three French hens, I insist you are too kind.
Your loving,
Agnes
-------------------------
17th December
Dear John,
What can I say? Four beautiful calling birds arrived with the Postman
this morning.
Your kindness really is too much.
Love
Agnes
-------------------------
18th December
My Dear John
What a surprise, today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for
every finger. You really are an impossible boy, but I love you.
Frankly all the birds are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves.
Love
Agnes.
-------------------------
19th December
Dear John
When I opened the door this morning, there were actually six bloody
great geese - laying eggs all over the front step. What on earth do you
think I can do with them all?
The neighbours are beginning to complain about the smell, and I can't
sleep because of the noise!
Please stop.
Cordially yours,
Agnes
-------------------------
20th December
What is it with you and these bloody birds? Now I get seven swans a
swanning about the place! Is this some sort of goddamned joke?
The house is full of bird sh*t, and the racket!!! I am becoming a
Nervous wreck. It is not funny anymore, stop sending these flamin'
birds!!!
Agnes.
-------------------
21st December
OK buster, I think I prefer the birds.
What the h*ll am I going to do with eight maids a milking?
It's not enough with all the birds, now I have eight cows cr*pping all
Over the house and mooing all night long.
SOD OFF !!!!!!!
Agnes.
-------------------------
22nd December
Look d*ckhead - what are you on ?? You're having a laugh.
Now I have Nine pipers playing sh*te music constantly!!! And Christ do
they play.... When they aren't playing their soddin' pipes, they keep
chasing the Maids through the cow sh*t.
The cows keep on mooing and are treading all over the f*cking birds!!!
The neighbours are threatening to have me evicted.
Agnes.
-------------------------
23rd December
You are a f*cking barsteward!!!!
Now we have ten ladies dancing. How on earth anyone can call these
wh*res "ladies" is beyond me, they're pulling the pipers all night
long!!!!!
The cows can't sleep and now have diarrhoea. My living room is a sea of
sh*t and the landlord has just declared the building unfit for human
habitation.
F*CK OFF AND DIE JOHN, DO US ALL A FAVOUR!!!!!!!
Agnes
-------------------------
24th December
Listen sh*t face - what with eleven lords leaping about the house,
sh*gging me and the maids senseless, I shall probably never walk again.
The pipers are now fighting the lords for all the crumpet and resorting
to committing s*domy with the cows, the birds are dead and rotting
having been trampled during the orgy.
I hope you're satisfied? You w*nker
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes.
-------------------------
25th December
You stinking lousy sh*t!!!! Twelve f*cking drummers, banging their
f*cking drums all day long!!!! They have teamed up with the pipers,
making one hell of a noise, both lots have been b*ggering the cows and
Christ alone knows what happened to the milkmaids? They've probably
drowned in the cow sh*t by now. The only way I have to save myself from
getting screwed to death is by hiding up in the f*cking pear tree which
has been well fertilised by all this sh*t and has now grown through the
roof!!!!!
b*llocks to you,
Agnes.
Never seen that before
!!!
