On the road again graduates

[Carybear]

Yeah Red!!! That's so exciting...

 

[rayraykay]

Red! Yahoo!! So cool about finding the baby's heart beat. A doppler pays for itself over and over. I don't know what I would have done without mine in the first 20 weeks or so. Congratulations. I am so extremely happy for you.

I am with anchor and want to reiterate what she said- I am in awe of all of you. Your positivity and perseverance thru things that no woman should have to go thru.. then having to deal with it multiple times and still staying positive.. I just am in awe. That's all I can really say. I am also with her in the sense that sometimes I feel like I should be quiet, because I do feel guilty sometimes that I am so far along and yet sometimes I still get sick with worry. So I apologize if I just stalk sometimes.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

 

[RedWylder]

Nope, we all want to hear every detail so we know what to expect as we go through this.

 

[rayraykay]

Thank you Red, I will try and remember that.

I am so glad you got a doppler. Don't feel like you can't use it all the time. I once asked a question in the first trimester thread about using the doppler and a woman answered me "I hope you aren't using that all the time. It's harmful to your baby." Well, of course, since I was using it 4 times a day (haha) I FLIPPED out. I called my doctor in a panic (we are talking tears) and she said "no no no. That isn't true in the least. A doppler only uses sound waves to pick up the heart beat and nothing else. It's not an x-ray machine. That woman had no ground to say that." I was furious.. she had no idea what she sent me into. Then, I looked into her history on BnB and she had never had a loss before. I know she was trying to be helpful but... yeah. Anyway, the moral of this story is please don't go searching on the internet to see if using it too much is bad for your baby. Of course there are sources that will say using it too often is bad. Sure, don't sit there with it for 15 minutes on your belly but using it 6 times a day to find the heart and turn it off.... NO PROBLEM. Knock yourself out with the intoxicating feeling that comes with hearing your baby's heart.

Sorry, haha that was a long story.

 

[RedWylder]

Ok so now I can't find it. It was hard to find the first time and now it's not there anymore. I feel like I killed my baby with all the mashing around with that thing. Why do I feel more paranoid than ever?? I just want out of 1st trimester.

 

[rayraykay]

Don't be discouraged if you can't find it. That early if you aren't pretty much directly over the heart you aren't gonna hear it. You can not kill your baby with a Doppler I promise. I went through thinking that too. But you can't. Many people can't find their baby's heart with an at home Doppler until 10 weeks at least. It's gonna be hard to find this early that's one of the huge cons to dopplers. Try to find it again today and let me know how it goes.

 

[RedWylder]

After many failed attempts and my uterus feeling sore from all the prodding, I finally found it again this morning and m hubby was able to hear it too. After that, I'm putting it away for a while although I do wish I could hear it constantly. It's so reassuring.

 

[Carybear]

How cool is that Red!

Ladies I love to hear how things are going... It gives me hope!

 

[rayraykay]

Ahhh good Red. Very good. Honestly, it's amazing you were able to find it. Use it as much as you want, but, as you are finding out there's a reason people don't get them as well. But man, ohhhh man is it reassuring.

I am so glad it gives you hope Cary. You deserve your rainbow so much and soon enough it will be you. I know it.

 

[Starry Night]

ray - don't feel guilty. My son's pregnancy was the one after my first loss and I was TERRIFIED every single moment of every single day for about 6 months. I did have some complications but even after things calmed down in the second tri I couldn't shake the fear. It's normal. It just takes one loss to steal all the innocence out of pregnancy.

re: the doppler being "bad". I love this site with all the support that comes but it also attracts the people who believe every homemade blog and "article". I had known there were differing opinions on parenting, but I had no clue how passionate people were on things until I came to this site. lol The pregnancy forums can be bad because everyone is so crazy hormonal. It's really quite funny now that I can look back on it. The Baby forums can be just as bad because everyone is sleep-deprived. I remember getting so upset when a lady had posted that fetal monitoring during labour is dangerous and should be made illegal. I was so upset because fetal monitoring is what revealed my son's oxygen was being compromised and the need to have an emergency c-section to save his life. Now that I'm not hormonal or sleep-deprived I wouldn't be upset by a comment like that.

Red - that is so great that you could find the heart beat. But the trickiness in finding the heartbeat is one major reason I couldn't bring myself to invest in one. I would drive myself (and thus my dh) crazy! I mean, even the professionals can have a hard time with that!

 

[rayraykay]

Starry you are so right! About the forums and blogs. Everyone is coming from their own story, their own journey to get pregnant, with their own hormones at play... it can get sticky. I never thought of that, thank you for pointing it out. And thank you for understanding that I still get worried. I've been feeling some cramps today- of course I am freaking out. It started and I hadn't felt her move for a little bit and I really started freaking out since I helped (minimally) my husband paint the nursery today. I have since felt some movement, but gosh. Being pregnant after any loss is such a roller coaster.

I wonder what it feels like to have a pregnancy go totally right the first time? Must be bliss. What about those women who never have to feel the pain of a loss? I can't help but be so jealous. My cousin and sister in law are both pregnant, due 8 and 5 weeks before me. Both first time pregnancies, both accidents. They don't understand why I won't touch bleu cheese. Or why I wouldn't drink ANY caffeine in the first trimester and only allow myself 1/2 decaf drinks occasionally now. They will never understand. My favorite is when they tell me "now they know how I must have felt going through a miscarriage" because they are pregnant and have that connection to a baby inside them.

No, sorry, you will never know and I wouldn't wish it on ANYONE.

Wow, that turned into a rant. I have a lot of feelings lately

xoxo love to everyone

 

[Topanga053]

I've wondered that too, Ray. Like you said, it must be bliss. Ive sometimes thought of PAL analogously to driving and my friend who was paralyzed in a car accident. I might get a little nervous driving in bad weather and think, "what if", but I don't TRULY believe it will happen to me. But my friend (at least used to) becomes legitimately scared driving in bad weather because he KNOWS what can happen because it has happened to him. Once you have a bad experience with something, your sense of security is taken away from you and you realize all of the bad things that actually could happen and that you're not immune from them happening to you. It becomes real, rather than hypothetical.

And you're right-- there is no way anyone can know what it's like without experiencing it.

 

[anchor08]

Ugh, I can't imagine someone saying that Rayray! Although at least they get now that it wasn't just a pregnancy you lost, it was a child you knew. I feel like that misunderstanding is the basis of most of the insensitive comments I hear.

I really hope it's okay to complain about pregnancy on here, though I really try to be very positive about it...I've been in a lot of pain the last week and a half or so and it's driving me crazy. Not even worry, just frustration. I've felt really good for most of the time so far, and that has allowed me to keep exercising, which is a cycle of positive reinforcement. Now all of a sudden my hips and back hurt if I walk for, I don't know, more than 15 minutes at a time? It's maddening, since I still sometimes have the energy to do much more. I feel weak and out of control and like my body hates me. Exercise really grounded me emotionally too. Help!

The positive side of this -- I'm spending more time lying on the couch, so I get to feel my little girl moving more.

 

[Starry Night]

If you can't complain about pregnancy in a pregnancy thread, then where can you? I believe the TTC'ers joining in the conversation know the risk.

Well, it looks like I get to officially join the graduates thread. I got my bfp this morning!! I'm only 10dpo and the line is fairly dark...almost as dark as the control line. I got an early bfp with my son too so I am hoping that is a good sign.

 

[Topanga053]

OMG Starry!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!

I think I'm as happy now as I was when I got my own BFP!!!! Oh hunny, you deserve this so, so much!!! I'm already praying for you and this little bean so, so hard!!

Are you planning on any early betas or scans?? Can't wait to hear about everything!!

 

[Starry Night]

I'm not sure what my doctor is willing to do. I'm going to beg, beg, beg for an early scan. And I tend to bleed in my pregnancies so odds are I'm going to need an emergency scan at some point (I had at least 5 of those for my son). I'm supposed to be seeing a new doctor on Thursday but it's just a "meet and greet" and I don't want to switch doctors now that I'm pregnant. I'll probably cancel and stick with the one I have.

 

[Left wonderin]

Any pics of the test STarry I am so happy for you

 

[Left wonderin]

Ooh so excited forgot to say, hi to everyone else

Ray I totally agree with all you have said ! The fear is really tangible and does not go away ! I'm sick of my sisters telling me to stop worrying and enjoy my pregnancy , easy for them lol .... Little do they know that every time I go to the loo and wipe I say a prayer and then thank the man upstairs when all is ok and no bleeding ! That up to 7 times a day ! Don't think this stopping any time soon !! Every day is a blessing

 

[RedWylder]

Only 7 times in a day? Geez right now it feels like 7 times an hour. Sometimes I pee,put my drawers back on and by the time my belt is buckled, i have to pee again.

 

[Starry Night]

I'm already panty-checking. I guess now that I got my bfp my body has decided to ramp up the symptoms and now I'm getting all the fun discharge that fills any rainbow pregnancy with anxiety. My IBS is also flaring up so am getting all those cramps and yucky feelings.

I made an appointment with my regular doctor's office. I just feel too stressed about switching doctors now that I'm already pregnant. I want an office that knows my history. My actual doctor is on a two-month's study leave so I'l be seeing the other doctor in the clinic.