On the road again graduates

[Left wonderin]

Thinking of you Cary x

 

[Topanga053]

Cary, any updates?? I've been thinking of you!!

 

[Carybear]

We had to wait forever... We saw the sac... perfectly shaped and growing.. measuring 7W4D which is exact to my dates, but we could not see anything inside. We will go back in for another ultrasound in 2 weeks. Dr. seemed sure it was a loss, but she also didn't want to hear anything about a retroverted uterus.

For now... my life will go on and I have placed everything in God's hands... Thanks so much ladies for the prayers and thoughts.. All is well here...

Topanga, I saw on the January site that you had a great scan... So happy for you.. Keep the updates coming.. Wish you a healthy and happy 9 months...

 

[Starry Night]

That seems so strange the doctor didn't want to hear about a tipped uterus. Under other circumstances an empty sac at this point wouldn't be a great sign but in yours I would definitely not take that as the end of the story. Are your betas still being drawn? That might give a clue too. With my angels I had a combination of slow-growth and slow-rising betas. Like from 35 000 to 38 000 in a week's time. The sacs were also wonky shapes.

Was the scan abdominal or did they do a transvaginal? I think with a transvaginal a tipped uterus wouldn't make a difference but with an abdominal scan it would definitely be hard for a baby that small to show up. I've seen many stories online about women with tipped uterus' being told it was a blighted ovum only for the baby to show up at the 12 to 14 week scan. That was with abdominal scans.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

 

[Topanga053]

Oh Cary, I'm so sorry. I was hoping more than anything that you'd be able to see more today. I'm still praying that the scan in two weeks gives you different results, although I generally agree with everything Starry said. (Btw, welcome back, Starry!!! I've missed you!!!!)

I'll be praying for you over the next couple of weeks that you get a different result at the next scan.

 

[skyesmom]

Thanks for the update Cary! i'm keeping my fingers crossed for you with everything I have! the fact that the sac is right on time and a perfect shape is definitely a good sign in your situation and tbh, i'd look for another doctor to get a second opinion as this one ignored the tipped uterus you have (wtf!! if she were your dentist and ignore the tipped uterus information, fair enough, but an OB/GYN running an ultrasound...!! bad, very bad.)

And i agree with everything Starry said, especially about HCG and the sac shape. plus what you write is exactly the case with that lady with tipped uterus that posted here on BnB... i managed to dig her thread out if you wanna have a look:

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/pregnancy-first-trimester/922003-blighted-ovum-so.html

i'm sending you a huge huge hug and you have my most profound admiration for your attitude and faith!

ps. Topanga, wherever that January site Cary mentioned is, congrats on your great scan! what a relief!!!

 

[Carybear]

Wow! Skye... Thank you! The dr was terrible. She came highly recommended but I can honestly say that we will be switching doctors. They made me wait for 2 hours past my appointment. Then, because they wanted to get to lunch they did the ultrasound in like less than 5 minutes. The sac had gotten much bigger and it was a beautiful shape, But it was so rushed!!! She didn't take time to look for anything. They had already decided that because I am 39 it wasn't viable....

Making a new appointment for 3 weeks from now. I found a new Doctor that I hope takes my insurance. Going to make the appointment today and then I guess we will see...

Was a rough day... I went home and cried for awhile.. Then DH was like... I still believe our baby's in there. I need you to believe with me. I was like.. I do believe... It's just... I'm mad because I wanted to see the baby today!!!! We ended up taking advantage of the day off.. Went to a late lunch/dinner, a movie and watched the sunset at the beach... Saw three more dolphins... One thing I can say Ladies... My DH and I have had our times... There are plenty of times when I want to choke him. But, this pregnancy has brought us together like nothing else has... I AM BLESSED!

 

[skyesmom]

Cary that closeness you two have is priceless you both are such amazing beautiful strong people!

 

[Topanga053]

Cary, that sounds like an absolutely PERFECT day!!

 

[Starry Night]

Limbo would get the strongest woman down. I'm so glad you have such a caring hubby to help see you through the down times. It really is a comfort and a blessing.

And definitely do NOT let any doctor talk you into having a d&c or taking any medication without first having a transvaginal scan or waiting until you're 12 weeks at least. I have just read way, way too many stories of ladies with tipped uteruses arguing with the doctor and finding out that the baby was fine.

I know this was before the day of ultrasounds, but the same happened to my grandmother. She had a major bleed and the doctor told her she was losing the baby and gave her the meds to help it along. When she got home she threw the pills in the trash and put herself in bed and my uncle was born at the end of 9 months.

afm - glad to be back and catching up with everyone. I honestly didn't think this thread was still active otherwise I would have checked back sooner! I still get some waves of broodiness but I think our family is complete. A few months back we found out our first rainbow has autism so it's been bit of a wild ride. Of course, now I worry about my daughter as they say once an older sibling has it, the odds are higher the others will too. But so far she is hitting all her milestones and even the specialists who diagnosed my son were impressed with her. Only time will tell....

 

[skyesmom]

Starry hon! that's a tough thing to discover and deal with!

please don't get me wrong, by saying this i don't mean that your son is any less amazing than "before" the diagnosis, or any more "a problem" in your life, but it is one of those conditions that strikes one member but the whole family needs to adjust to and it is always a shock (at least my family when through all these phases when my dad got diagnosed with cancer - it is all good and under control now but it did change us for good as a family - in a good way).

i worked for an ad agency once as a writer in Germany and one of their designers had autism, needless to say, his paintings, pictures and designs were of unearthly beauty. you could recognize the genius from miles away, and his way of communicating with the environment was mind-blowing. you really never never know how it can all develop

and regarding your daughter, if it can be of any help, if i remember well it is four times more likely to manifest in boys than in girls, even when hereditary so that should lower her risks somewhat.

i'm sending my love to all of you!

 

[Topanga053]

Starry I noticed awhile back that you had posted in the special needs forum. I hope you guys are continuing to adjust. I know it can be a shocking diagnosis to have to adjust to. One of my really close friends has a young son w/autism. It was VERRRY difficult for her to accept, but he's in all sorts of therapies now and really progressing very well. She has a younger son now and she's worried about him as well. I think that's just part of the journey. How are you guys coping? Is he in any treatments?

Afm, I don't want to be insensitive to Cary, but I wanted to discuss something with you all, since you'll understand my feelings. As Cary mentioned, my first scan did go well. It's still early, but the HB was a good sign. I've thought about it and decided to tell my boss tomorrow. Even though we still haven't reached 12 weeks, I like the idea of telling her now. Work knew about my first pregnancy before we lost it and I actually found it incredibly comforting that they all knew because I didn't have to explain everything and everyone was WONDERFUL. My boss offered me extra time off, my co-workers offered to cover court appearances for me (didn't take them up on that), and one of my co-workers even gave me flowers. Their support really meant a lot and also meant that I didn't have to explain myself if I had a sad day. Unlike some people, I also don't have to worry about work retaliating because I'm pregnant because they have been AMAZING throughout both my loss AND my pregnancy, so I know they'll be equally supportive now, no matter what happens.

With that said, DH wants to tell his family this weekend, but we know that once we do that, word will spread, so we're contemplating making a general announcement on Facebook this weekend.

I know the conventional wisdom is not to do it in case there's a loss. But we ended up making a FB announcement about our loss anyway, since so many people had found it that it was impossible to remember to send individual messages to everyone, so I just posted that we had lost the baby. The outpouring of support was actually incredible therapeutic for me.

So, I'm thinking we will make a public announcement soon. Even if we lose this pregnancy, especially where we've seen a HB, I KNOW that I'll want a lot of support. I'm also a very open person, so if we lose it, I'd probably end up posting something about it on Facebook at some point or another anyway. I know everyone is different, but I find it therapeutic to discuss my loss & the fact that we don't get pregnancy easily openly. It makes me feel better to know that I might be comforting someone on my friend's list who is going through the same struggles, but chooses not to share publicly. I hope that me sharing helps them feel as though they're not alone.

I know there's really no point to this, but it's hard to get over the "don't announce to 12 weeks" taboo, so I think I just needed to talk myself into it. I know I'm comfortable with it--no matter what happens--but it just feels like we're breaking some rule! I knew you ladies would understand.

 

[skyesmom]

i totally back you on this Topanga and i'm on the same page as you about sharing the news before the 12 weeks. i was actually pretty pissed with people who told me with my first BFP that i shouldn't tell everybody i was pregnant because bad things could happen, and when i did lose my baby, none of them dared tell me "i told you so" - all of them actually empathized and i think some reconsidered their point of view on this old taboo.

especially, since you already know your environment is supportive, and that it did provide you loads of help, support and understanding with your loss, then share away. one of the hardest things in my life was breaking the news to my parents with "i WAS pregnant". no sadder thing than that for me. i admire your courage, though, as it takes a lot to break that secret anyway!

 

[Starry Night]

I always told right away. I couldn't help it. With my daughter's pregnancy I only kept it hidden from my grandmothers because I knew they would worry and stress too much and it wouldn't be good for them. I wanted that support through my fears. And a life is a life. I wanted to celebrate it. I did want to keep my daughter's pregnancy bit of a secret because I thought it would be fun to show my family my pregnant belly and tell them with the excitement of it being more likely I would keep it. But I was seeing family over the first trimester and I was so sick with morning sickness there was no hiding it. And I suck at keeping secrets.

It still hurts me a bit to hear others talking about the 'taboo' especially when they haven't gone through a loss themselves. I understand keeping a secret with PaL because others can say such jerky things and it helps protect from that. But when you've never had a loss it seems to be about hiding the 'shame' of making an announcement and then taking it back. I don't see the shame in that. It's not like you were lying. You were pregnant and a baby was coming.

And yeah, getting my son's diagnosis was tough. We weren't expecting it. We were at the point we thought there was something going on but not something as serious as autism. My DH has had a really hard time accepting it. My DS does seem to be on the higher functioning end but we are dealing with some speech delays. He has started speech therapy and his occupational therapy starts in a few weeks. However, there isn't much in the way of true autism therapies here in Canada unless you go private and our work benefits don't cover it. You have to get into the government program before the age of 5 and the wait list is over 2 years so most kids age out before getting off the wait list. Which will happen to us as my son turns 4 in about a month and we just sent out the application yesterday (it took 3 months just to get the necessary paperwork to send that application). They do now have an interim program that is only a 5 month wait list so I think we should at least get SOMETHING.

I also have him in music and dance therapy. I am looking out for little programs like that that are less costly and have their own benefits. I will also apply for a riding program. It's a 3 year wait so I need to get that in soon. Our local school also has partnered up with another stable that does a horse therapy session (no riding in this one) so there's that too. But we are considering moving back to our home province to be closer to my family. Right now we're pretty rural so we have to drive long distances for everything. Programs are terrible everywhere but back home we'd at least be in the city and have family support.

 

[Carybear]

Starry, I'm so sorry that you are having struggles. It sounds like you are doing everything you can possibly do. My prayers are with you.

Topanga, please know that I want to hear all about your pregnancy. You are not being insensitive. I decided a long time ago that I was going to be excited when a friend was pregnant. I want others to be excited for me and so I need to be excited for others.

I am in a great place. The waiting is tough and of course, I want to be one of those miracle people who goes in at 9 or 10 weeks and there the baby is... But whatever God decides to do I am at peace.

So... Today I am pregnant and all is well!!!

Sending hugs to all the little ones and prayers for those not yet here

 

[RedWylder]

Ugh! this is a long 2 week Cary. I keep checking back to see if there are any changes. How are you feeling?

 

[Left wonderin]

Just to let you Jo my sister friend went through this recently Cary , scan @ 6 weeks hers due to spotting ... Sac present couldn't see baby . Sent her away for 2 weeks and told her not to hold out much hope as looked like a blighted ovum ... However yesterday there in all its glory a baby and a hb

 

[skyesmom]

i second what Red said, long two weeks and i also keep coming back to check for updates. I'm sending you a huge hug hon.

 

[Starry Night]

Left - that is awesome news about your sister! Congrats to you all! And I love the story of hope.

Cary - I agree with the others. I am just waiting for these 2 weeks to go by and am constantly coming back for updates too. Thinking of you!

afm - my rainbow baby's first birthday is next week. Can't believe it's been a year already. It's been both the longest and shortest year of my life. I'm getting sentimental which makes me second-guess our decision to be done with having babies but DH reminded me the other day we prayed about it and we are peace about the decision. I guess now that my daughter is fun (the first 6 months were very tough) I don't want it to end. But it's still too soon to tell if she is autistic or not as well and I can't imagine risking having 3 kids with autism. DD is hitting her milestones so far and has an easier time adjusting to changes than my DS ever did but she does other things too. She likes to flick her fingers like my DS does and now she is starting to punch herself in the face when she gets angry. It can be normal behaviour but with our history I have my guard up.

My son is doing well though. Now that therapy has started he has really blossomed. The change in routine has brought certain setbacks (more tantrums) but he is speaking more and even expressing feelings and attempting simple conversations.

 

[Topanga053]

Cary- ditto to what the others have said. These two weeks feel like they're dragging on forever. I hope you're doing ok with the wait.

Starry- Glad to hear that DS is doing better w/therapy. And I can completely understand you have your guard up more with DD. I think that's only natural. I also understand your concerns about #3. One of my co-workers has three children who are all autistic. He doesn't complain much, but I have to imagine that it's very, very difficult.