On the road again graduates

[skyesmom]

cuteness overload!

 

[Starry Night]

Well, we picked up our new furbabies today. Yup. FurbabieS. Plural. I'm such a sucker and DH is a bigger sucker for giving in to me. Though we were wrong about which team we were joining. Now that the kittens are bigger they are most definitely Team Blue. We've named them Pickles and Pepper as in "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers". Pickles is white with grey patches (the one in the photo I shared). He's the shy/timid one. And Pepper is nearly all grey with a bit of white on his chest and paws. Our camera battery died and is still charging so now photos yet.

The kids are over the moon about their new kitties. But they still need to be properly introduced. Trying to think of a good way to do that without traumatizing the kittens. It took me all night to get them to let me hold them. We do have an old baby gate. I just need to figure out how to set it up in such a way the kids can't knock it over with their enthusiasm. And also I need to decide how long to keep the kittens and kids separated. I know Pickles will NOT like their noise and smothering.

 

[Topanga053]

Ahh they sound so adorable Starry!! I don't have any advice on how to introduce them to your LOs, but congrats on the new additions!!! Post new pictures please!!!

AFm, I have a question. For those of you with LOs already, did your DH stay home from work at all after the birth? If so, for how long? And was that part of paid parental leave in your country?

DH took 1 week off with DD and he wants to do the same with this one. It's really important to me that he take two weeks which I keep telling him, but I think he feels strongly about one week. He gets no paid parental leave (welcome to the U.S. lol), but his job is nice and will let him take one week "off the books", so to speak. I really want him to use vacation time to take a second week.


I had mild PPD with LO and being home alone all day during the dark winters was very difficult. I missed DH a lot. This one is due late Dec, so I'll have the same problem with really dark days and lots of snow storms and that's wicked depressing and I think makes my PPD worse. I'm worried about being all alone again for 7 weeks (I take 8 weeks off from work). I've explained all that to DH, but I don't think he really gets it. He says two weeks is a lot to be out of work, but I also have a high stress job and Im out for 8!!! So I don't think 2 is a lot to ask!!

Thoughts?? Am I being too pushy/unreasonable? Is DH being unreasonable? How else can I try explaining to him how important it is to me that we have just 2 weeks as a family???

 

[Topanga053]

Also, I really, really don't want this to come across as insensitive to anyone else on the board. I'm incredibly grateful for #2, but I did find it difficult to cope last time with the physical recovery and PPD and being alone all day when it was dark and freezing outside.

 

[RedWylder]

My hubby took 2 weeks off and that didn't feel like enough. I really enjoyed our family time and hated giving that up. PLUS that whole first week is a blur anyways. So the extra week gives you a bit more time to settle into it.

 

[Topanga053]

Thanks, Red! I really appreciate the feedback. I think I've finally convinced DH to do two weeks, although he may work from home during part of it, that's fine, as long as he's here.

In other news, we had our anatomy scan this morning. Everything looks good annnddd..... we're team this time! Eeekkk!! I don't even know what to do with a boy!!!

We're keeping it secret for now. We're doing a gender reveal Wednesday evening with immediate family (we're going to have Lauren smash/eat a cupcake with blue frosting inside) and then do a public announcement in a week or so, I think.

 

[skyesmom]

sorry for being offline girls, we are on the road right now so not much internet around!!! Topanga, I KNEW you were team blue!!! ))))

soooo good to hear!! you were on my mind these days and when i finally reached a stable internet connection today i was like YAY!! finally!!


gonna be fun with two of each

 

[RedWylder]

Yay! A boy will be fun!

 

[Starry Night]

Congrats on Team Blue, Topanga! Having one of each is really fun but I get the nerves. I remember feeling that way when I found out my second rainbow was to be a girl. But you get into the swing of things. The baby stage, at least, there isn't that much difference. As they get older? Well, can't help you there because I'm still waiting to find out.

And you're not being insensitive. It's understandable to have concerns. Concerns don't negate your gratitude. And PPD SUCKS the BIG one. I didn't have it that bad with DS but with DD it was just awful. My DH was between jobs at the time so he was home but he was also going through his own funk which didn't really make him "present". My parents came for a visit a day after DD was born and my mom stayed on for 2 weeks to help around the house. DH found a new job shortly after that so I was alone all day with a toddler and a newborn with severe PPD. And last summer the mosquitos were so bad we couldn't get outside. I'm not even exaggerating. I could last 5 minutes tops and both my kids looked like they had a case of the hives.

I would talk to your doctor about possibly setting up regularily scheduled meetings after the baby is born just to keep tabs on you. Just knowing you're being looked after helps a lot.

 

[Starry Night]

And as for me, DH is starting to talk more about getting a vasectomy. I knew this was coming but still hard to wrap my mind around. It's so hard getting out of the TTC mindset. I had only been in it for 5 years! And doesn't help I'm ovulating right now. Having all sorts of baby/pregnant dreams and all are tinged with sadness.

 

[Left wonderin]

Starry I'd guess the finality of it is hard to imagine .it would be hard to move on and let go .

 

[skyesmom]

Starry that is a tough one to hear. Vasectomy is reversible to some extent though so it is not a 100% a final decision but it still requires a proper surgical intervention to reverse it, so it is not a piece of cake. Ultimately, it is his body but that decision affects both of you for good... really a tough position to be in.

have you told him how you feel about it?

the only "romantic" side to it is that having a vasectomy done is also some sort of a declaration like: "i want to have children only with you and no one else, ever".

what made my OH and me realize we wanted kids together was him talking about wanting to donate his sperm very VERY early on in our relationship (we were maybe 6-8 weeks together) and i felt like someone has hit me in my guts - i couldn't bear the thought of his unknown biological children walking around and him having kids with anyone else other than me (selfish, i know, but i just couldn't live with that!). i told him that and he told me his main reason behind doing a donation was that he could get a free in-depth semen analysis like that ( ) - and that's how we started the whole baby topic in the first place.

i hope your OH holds off from it for a while.

 

[skyesmom]

Left? Red? Topanga? how are you all doing? when are your next appointments Left?

we are on the road on holidays until the end of the week and then hopefully over the next few weeks our new flat will be done and ready for the move! i honestly can't wait... and my lovely OH has been more cuddly than usual lately (and he's already really cuddly and sweet) which just makes it all even nicer

 

[Starry Night]

skye - that's so lovely about your oh being extra snuggly. Sounds like this road trip is just what you need. I hope your new flat is ready when you get back.

afm - dh and I are in agreement about the vasectomy. And he does know about my reservations. I think I may be sentimental. A reversal would cost 10 grand (or so I heard) so no going back. I have thought about "what if I die?" then I'm dooming a potential future relationship with him to no shared children. But I don't think I can live so morbidly. Well, I'll always be morbid....been that way since a child...but I can't base major decisions off of that.

DH has only ever wanted 2 kids and I know my body really can't handle another pregnancy. I was recently talking to my mom about some of the physical issues I'm sort of still dealing with since having DD and she begged me to be done. I do think it's for the best. But darn that heart!

 

[RedWylder]

I'm doing alright. I'm actually preparing for a huge life change. I've quite my teaching job (many tears were shed over that) and I'm headed to nursing school. It's going to be a rough 2 years. I won't be TTC until at least my 2nd year of school. I can't imagine being pregannt and wrestling a toddler.

 

[Left wonderin]

Red neither can I !!!!!! Lol.... But for me it was now or never ......... Ill let you know how I get on !
Ooh big changes but very exciting !!!!! Good luck on your new adventure

 

[Starry Night]

Red - that's exciting about nursing school! I can imagine it would be tough to decide to switch careers. My DH went through that when I was pregnant with DD. But in the end it can be all for the best. Good luck with your schooling!

My kids are just about 3 years apart. It is a little tough. It helps that they are absolutely smitten with each other -- for the most part although DD has finally mastered the word "mine" so that is starting some battles. If my first pregnancy after my son had worked out there would have only been a 22 month gap. Can't imagine! ha ha

 

[Left wonderin]

If this little beanie is a sticky there wil be 25 months between mine ..... Gulp !!!!!!

 

[Topanga053]

And as for me, DH is starting to talk more about getting a vasectomy. I knew this was coming but still hard to wrap my mind around. It's so hard getting out of the TTC mindset. I had only been in it for 5 years! And doesn't help I'm ovulating right now. Having all sorts of baby/pregnant dreams and all are tinged with sadness.

Awww hun. I can't imagine how difficult that is. After this baby, the plan is for DH to get a vasectomy. I know I'm going to really struggle with it too, even though it makes sense. Like you said, after being in a TTC mindset for so many years, it's going to be SO HARD to get out of it, and really sad too, to be honest.

I don't know if I'm done being pregnant though. Surrogacy is definitely something I still think about a lot and DH thinks it's an awesome idea. He thinks it would be an amazing gift to be able to give to someone else, as long as I want to do it. It's so nice that he's supportive. I was worried he would think it was weird (you know, his wife carrying someone else's kid lol), but he really loves the idea. I'm also hoping that will help me cope when we're done TTC and having kids ourselves. It's really kind of a loss you have to grieve, isn't it? Maybe it's hard too when you've lost a pregnancy, so you're even more emotionally invested in TTC, I don't know. I wonder about that sometimes.

I'm doing alright. I'm actually preparing for a huge life change. I've quite my teaching job (many tears were shed over that) and I'm headed to nursing school. It's going to be a rough 2 years. I won't be TTC until at least my 2nd year of school. I can't imagine being pregannt and wrestling a toddler.

Oh wow, big changes, Red!!! I'm sure that's nerve wracking, but super exciting!! Can't wait to hear how it goes!!!

If this little beanie is a sticky there wil be 25 months between mine ..... Gulp !!!!!!

You'll do great, Left!! There will be 22-23 months between Lauren and this new one, if everything keeps going well. I'm excited. I know it will be a lot of work having two kids who are both so young, but DH and I decided if we were going to have another kid, we both really wanted them as close in age as possible. Lol I would have been ok with Irish twins, TBH! We started TTC early enough to have them too, but it took us about a year again to get pregnant, so that wasn't in the cards!

Otherwise, everything is fine with me. 20 weeks today, which is insane. DH and I can't believe we're half-way through this pregnancy... it's going by SO MUCH FASTER than it did with Lauren. We're really excited to meet #2, but worried about finances. I'm in the US, so daycare, etc is insanely expensive and we don't get any help. I know we'll make it through, but it will definitely be an adjustment! We'll be paying about a full mortgage every month in daycare costs!!

 

[skyesmom]

oh wow girls so many news in this thread!!!
i will reply to all of you in detail tomorrow, just wanted to add that OH and i are full on into renovating the new place, it is gonna be great!!

also - i told him i am really happy we ain't pregnant this time around while moving/renovating the flat as both my losses happened while doing it and he said sure it is a good thing but then asked when are we ttcing/ntnping again!!

can't explain you the happiness as he was the one getting cold feet from time to time!