One of "those"days

[MKHewson]

I am frustrated today, I see online an old friend who talk about they never wanted kids, but are so excited to have their son today.. It totally triggered me. I am so tired of this being such a chore. march 2010 I was so excited, conceived after 4 months of femara. This after being together NTNP for 4 years really. May 2010 our dream was shattered, I miscarried while visiting a friend in the US, I didn't even really tell my husband right away, I felt liquid while sleeping and thought I needed to pee, but as so as I sat it just fell out of me. I looked in the toilet to see blood and other stuff ( I call it stuff because I cant think of it being something else). I miscarried naturally over the the next five days, it was awful.
I am frustrated with my self that I haven't loss more weight, which I should, I about 60lbs too heavy. I think monthly should i wait....lose some more...but I want to be a MOM. I want that moment I see in everyone's pictures online..to see a combo of my wonderful Husband and Me. To add insult to injury I work with street involved persons, and to see women pregnant so easily while smoking crack...or other...having full term healthy babies (all things considering).
I want to be exhausted ....because I am up feeding my child, drying their tears, watching them sleep. I always thought being an only child myself I would have 2 or 3, but now I would be so thankful for one.
Anyway ladies, thank you all for being here, and baring your souls, it brings comfort to know you are not alone.

 

[Madgirl]

I understand, I have been having a rough time too. i hope things get better for you!

 

[itakp]

 

[buckeyebarbie]

Just know that you arent the only one feeling that way. I understand exactly what you are going through. I try to remember that my time to shine is coming, and remember that yours is too. I know it gets frustrating to hear things like that, at least I know I get annoyed by it, but its true. My fingers are crossed, and try to remember that you aren not alone.

 

[Skoer1360]

 

[Athena]

It is so heartbreaking isn't it I find it very hard not to feel jealous when I hear of friends getting pg so easily, and then complaining about being pregnant, what I wouldn't give to have morning sickness! I have been trying on/off for 6 years now, did get pg once but ended in ectopic and I lost my angel and tube at 9 weeks. We are finding it hard now, with my one tube and dh has low sperm count

To top it all off since we have been ttc my SIL is on her third baby!! I can not believe they have been pregnant three times in all this time we've been trying, makes me sick with jealousy tbh, I can barely stand to be around her. I know that is wrong but I can't bring myself to be happy for them. Her dh keeps joking that he wants to send the baby back becuase they just found out it's another girl!!

 

[mrsmax]

MK - we LTTCers have all been there. Masses of hugs hon x

 

[MKHewson]

Thanks ladies, being on here truly makes the days easier to get through, there is amazing comfort in taking to people who know exactly how you feel

 

[mrsmax]

I know. I would have gone mad by now without BnB

 

[MrsCompass]

Hi MK! I am feeling the same way today. Sometimes, I just want to give up and let nature take control. "If its meant to be, it's meant to be, I tell myself", but I want it soooo badly. I can't give up.

Thank you BNB, indeed. I met someone at the clinic today who is going through the same thing. We exchanged numbers and we were happy to have found each other and just someone to "talk" to.

Chin up, buttercup ...

 

[buckeyebarbie]

I am feeling this way today too. It was nice to read the responses and remember that I'm not the only one going through this.

 

[Damita]