One Tired Mumma

[Spudtastic]

Hi everyone.

I just want a place to write how I feel. My girls are 4 and 1. I'm tired like most mum's. My 4 year old was the worst sleeper. She woke me up about 10 times a night, and up at 4am for the first two years. Now both are up early daily. And between the two girls I'm spoken up maybe 5 times a night. I also do everything for my girls. Clothes cook read play bath bedtime stories etc. I love my husband but he's away at the moment and there's no difference in what I do.
My eldest can not play by herself so she wants me to play as soon as she wakes up at 5am. I am not a good player. I hate ptetend play andlego and mum's and dad's. But I do play because Dd1 loves it. I can't leave the room without either girls crying for me. I can't even go to the toilet or open the back door to put something in the bin without my girls crying for me. I'm so tired.
Even though dh isn't here I am at my parents. They love my kids but don't really like to babysit. Last week I had a virus. I was very nauseus and had to run to the toilet alot. All I wanted was a lay down for half an hour.
My eldest is nearly 5 and I've had 4 nights (and therefore 4 lay ins) away from my beautiful girls. I love my girls so much but I would love an evening to just relax, followed by a night of unbroken sleep, followed by a lay in (even just reading a book with a cup of tea).
I know it's not forever but I really am looking forward to not being permanently exhausted.

How am I supposed to get a job when I get no sleep. I make stupid mistakes as it is because I'm tired. I used to be quite intelligent anf on to it but now I'm just a frazzled wreck. I don't have time to take care of myself. If I'm lucky I get a shower once a week. My only me time is eating so I've put on alot of weight. I don't feel like me any more. I love my girls and wouldn't change a thing but I feel like I'm a different person now and I don't like who I am.

 

[lau86]

My issues are different but my feelings are the same. I went to my GP as I was convinced I was depressed- I don't enjoy much at all and am quite anxious due
To the internal list constantly going round in my head (schoolrequests/shopping/chores etc). She said, you're not depressed you're just knackered!! You are doing well as I at least have an evening away from my kids. My daughter is nearly two and will be starting nursery one or two afternoons a week, despite this being time when I don't work. I neeeed to finish my studies/ go to the gym/ have a coffee in peace!!! I didn't make that decision lightly, but I am miserable so something needs to change.
you haven't asked for advice so I won't give any but you're not alone

 

[Spudtastic]

Hi Lau. Thanks for the reply. I think I'm just knackered too. I internally questioned if I had pnd but I concluded I was knackered too.

What are you studying? I've started studying too. It's midnight and I've just finished some study. I'm studying photography as id like to work for myself when both kids are at school.
I'm hoping my youngest can go to playschool for a few mornings when she is 2.

I was feeling really tired and stressed when I wrote that. My 4 year old has had quite a fee special moments that day.

Enjoy your coffee by yourself

 

[Spudtastic]

I just reread that. I clearly need to turn my phone off and go to sleep lol.

 

[Zephram]

I sympathise! I feel exhausted most days too.

What I thought when reading your post, was that learning to say no might help. Seriously, it’s okay to say no. If my kids asked me to play with them at 5am, I would say no. I don’t function unless I’ve had breakfast, coffee and a shower. My DS1 doesn’t play alone well either, but I have explained to him that there are times when mummy can’t play and that he needs to amuse himself. She might kick up a fuss the first few times you do it, but as a Mum you literally don’t have to say yes to every request. Start saying, ‘No, mummy needs to have a coffee and wake up a bit. Go and get your Lego out and get started by yourself’.

Same goes for night time wake ups: ‘Mummy needs to sleep too, go back to sleep’.

My kids follow me to the toilet too, but sometimes I just want to poop in peace! So I will literally lock them out and tell them I’ll deal with whatever it is when I get out.

It is good for kids to learn to wait, they don’t like it, but no one was ever scarred for life because mummy had to wee alone.

Parenting is relentless and it never ends, but at the same time, you’re allowed to say no and you’re allowed to take a moment to yourself. You’ll be happier if you take care of some of your little needs and you don’t need to feel guilty about doing it. You sound like a fantastic Mum, but please take care of you too.

I remember some of your other posts and feel like you haven’t been happy for a long while. Please take care of yourself and don’t be afraid to see a doc if you feel it getting too much.

 

[catty]

I sympathise! I feel exhausted most days too.

What I thought when reading your post, was that learning to say no might help. Seriously, it’s okay to say no. If my kids asked me to play with them at 5am, I would say no. I don’t function unless I’ve had breakfast, coffee and a shower. My DS1 doesn’t play alone well either, but I have explained to him that there are times when mummy can’t play and that he needs to amuse himself. She might kick up a fuss the first few times you do it, but as a Mum you literally don’t have to say yes to every request. Start saying, ‘No, mummy needs to have a coffee and wake up a bit. Go and get your Lego out and get started by yourself’.

Same goes for night time wake ups: ‘Mummy needs to sleep too, go back to sleep’.

My kids follow me to the toilet too, but sometimes I just want to poop in peace! So I will literally lock them out and tell them I’ll deal with whatever it is when I get out.

It is good for kids to learn to wait, they don’t like it, but no one was ever scarred for life because mummy had to wee alone.

Parenting is relentless and it never ends, but at the same time, you’re allowed to say no and you’re allowed to take a moment to yourself. You’ll be happier if you take care of some of your little needs and you don’t need to feel guilty about doing it. You sound like a fantastic Mum, but please take care of you too.

I remember some of your other posts and feel like you haven’t been happy for a long while. Please take care of yourself and don’t be afraid to see a doc if you feel it getting too much.

I agree with this! it sounds tough but say no more. You cant pour from an empty cup!
Sometimes my kids are up at 5.30am but we wont play or do anything fun until 7am. They know that now (not my youngest as shes teeny but i still wont play with her so early)
Dont worry about doing things that might make life easier for you, even if its not the perfect thing.
If my kids are being very hard work that day i dont mind giving them there kindles and letting them watch rubbish for 45 mins whilst i have a coffee and destress. You need time for you, you are still a person even if you are a mother.

Also do you have anyone at all that can take the kids for a day? Friend? I think a day doing nothing would really help you and even though not ideal maybe even paying for help once every so often if you dont have anyone.

 

[almosthere]

I could have written this post myself...my son is now 4 and a half and my daughter is 13 months and I am so tored and making silly mistakes as well....i went back ti work this fall and i think the lack of sleep is what is causing the mommy blues and mommy fatigue!