One Week Marker A Tough One

[MissingRyder]

Well today marks my one week. I spent the morning reading Heaven is for Real. I have to say it made me feel better, allows me to believe that my baby is in Heaven and waiting for my arrival. I still have the questions of "what if, why me and could've, should've and would've". Not sure these ?'s will ever go away. I return to work Monday and continue with my life.... and wonder how I can continue without my one and only little boy. I sleep with his blanket and a cross we gave him. It's what I have to fall back on when I am weak

 

[mhazzab]

Well today marks my one week. I spent the morning reading Heaven is for Real. I have to say it made me feel better, allows me to believe that my baby is in Heaven and waiting for my arrival. I still have the questions of "what if, why me and could've, should've and would've". Not sure these ?'s will ever go away. I return to work Monday and continue with my life.... and wonder how I can continue without my one and only little boy. I sleep with his blanket and a cross we gave him. It's what I have to fall back on when I am weak

Oh i'm so sorry...

my girls arrived on a Tuesday morning, and for weeks, I cried every Tuesday morning when I woke up, every Sunday night, as that's when I went into hospital, and every Saturday, as that's when my week would change. I know it's a total cliche and annoying to hear, but the need to mark these dates does fade with time. However, 19 weeks later and I still replay the events in my head and ask what I could have done different, I'm not sure whether that will ever change.

Don't ever worry that you are weak - you've been through something that nobody should ever have to go through, and you are still functioning...anyone that goes through this and survives it, is unbelievably strong in my book.

Are you sure you are ready to go back to work? Do you have the option to stay off any longer? xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry. This is the worst thing I think that we will ever have to go through, I don't know how we make it through each day, but we do.
I think for me honestly if it wasn't for the fact I have 3 boys to take care of still I would have just done something to end it the pain of this just kills me on a daily basis. But I can't do that to my kids. I can't leave them when they need me.. It has been almost 8 months since I lost Ava and my emptiness and sadness just wont go away I would like to read that book you mentioned, maybe it will help me also.
I am so sorry you are going through this, I have hope that one day I will be able to smile when I think of my Ava and I pray you do also. You are not weak, you are stronger than you know as we all are.
XOXOOXOX Thinking Of You XOOXOOOX

 

[collie_crazy]

I'm so sorry hunny Are you sure you're ready to go back to work? It seems so soon for what you have been through. I was off for 11 weeks, but everyone is different

I dont think the questions will ever go away, no. But I do think the rawness fades over time. We will always remember our gorgeous babies and always think about what should have been... always wonder why... and definitely always hurt but it wont always feel like being punched in the stomach and stabbed in the heart I dont think. 4 days ago marked 3 months since losing Emily and I was a wreck again... but I am slowly feeling that I am having more good days, or at least more ok days.

 

[Nikki_d72]

A week is no time at all, I was going to ask if you cannot get a bit more time off too? Looking back, I can't even really remember the first week or two properly, just details but no timeline, as I was in such a mess. I know we are all different though.

It does get less raw over time, less all-consuming but it's still always there under the surface and is easily triggered again. I doubt the questions will ever really go away, you just may get to a place of acceptance, even without understanding. I'm glad you have a strong faith, I hope that will help you through. Do you have a good support network through the church?

Showing distress at losing your child is never weakness.

Wishing you some gentle days ahead. xxx

 

[yazoo]

Like the girls said Do you really have to go back to work? It has been 11 weeks for me and I am still not ready to go back to work.

We're here for you whatever you decide.

 

[KamIAm]

Hi Hon' .... As the others have mentioned... Those first few weeks are a blur, really... I took off about 7 weeks , went back part time (but now I"m a full time nursing student and mother) ..... My suffestion, if you have more time available to take off, take it.... You are incredibly strong, never feel weak... In the beginning I also slept with some of Emma's things, still do at times... And I too dreaded certain days of the week.. Every Thursday evening thru Friday morning was a killer for me for a long time, just until recently (I'd say 6 month mark I stopped having melt downs on those days)... Trust me, I still have my occational one but nothing like I was...
You do what is right and good for YOU... This is a long journey and we'll always be here for you babe...

 

[Cassie10]

So sorry hun! I did the same thing... and even now months later I still catch myself doing it from time to time.

We lost Brailynn on a Thursday so those were particularly hard... Another day was Monday. Mondays is when my weeks rolled over... like this coming Monday I would have been 32 weeks.

I understand about work... I went back only 2 weeks after we lost her. My job was really good to me because I had been off on bedrest and they never rushed me or anything but for me it was better for me to get out of the house and get my routine going again. My husband works all day long so most days at home I was all alone and had too much time to think about things.

If you aren't ready though please don't rush it and make things harder on yourself...

 

[MummyStobe]

Sweetie don't rush to go back to work, take as much time as you need. I was off work for about 6 weeks in total and then did 4 weeks part time. I've still only done one week full time as I've been off on annual leave this week. If you can take some more time then I would suggest that you do.

I know what you mean about certain days of the week, I struggle through Wednesdays as this is the day of the week I lost Max and Fridays as that is when my weeks rolled over to the next.

I slept with the blanket that we wrapped Max in for the first few weeks and I still have in drapped over my headboard. Don't feel like you have to stop doing these things. Take all the time that you need.

Thinking about you xx

 

[Hellylou]

Sending thoughts and wishes your way, hun, it's such early days

Saturdays are hard for me, they were my marker for number of weeks along, and then my loss was a Saturday at 16 weeks exactly. Now those Saturdays come and I remember how many weeks I would have been by now.

 

[KamIAm]

Just thinking of ya today..... Sending hugs & loves to you and your lil one...

 

[Vickieh1981]

Oh wow - I am with the others a week is in no way long enough. Can't your work give you longer off? After a week we hadn't even had the funeral yet and I could still barely function.

This will get easier. You will forever miss your baby and life will never be the same but it will be less raw. I am going through a time when it is hitting all over again but they get further between and you will start counting the milestones in months instead of weeks/days/hours.

I wish there was something I could do to help but there isn't so just sending you huge

 

[MissingRyder]

Well, I did return this last Monday after week and two days ..... For me my co-workers are my best friends and my support. My husband took off one week and was home with me and those days were easier, but when he returned to work and the kids were at school I just laid in bed all day. My co-workers are awesome and just to let you know a little about what I do..... I work in pediatric home health as a registered nurse. We provide care to medically fragile children that have medical interventions that can't be performed by the everyday individual without training. So the kids I see from time to time heal the heart and inspire me to continue on. I also have 3 girls that I have to continue functioning for. It has given me an outlet and my coworkers are great listeners. Today was my scheduled sonogram day to determine the sex of our baby..... this a.m. that date stuck out in my head... b/c had he still been inside me I would have been so excited today to hear I was having a boy....... He's aware of my feelings for him and the fact we loved him and would rather he be here with us...... I'm SURE of it.... I sure do wish he was still alive inside me and to an extent he is..... in my HEART ...... always and forever......

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm so glad your work helps you, you are one strong mama! You do whats right for you. xxx

 

[KamIAm]

Wow ... Where is your cape?? haha... I am sooo glad going back to work has helped you, sounds like you do have a very rewarding job... I am currently enrolled in college, going for RN ... So, I can see where you are coming from ... By reading your last post, you sound good... You will still have your moments, heck even days BUT just keep your chin up, send lovin's to your lil guy and always know we are always here if you need us...

 

[wife.mom]

Huge hugs and so sorry for your loss.

 

[green22]

Bless you. I'm reading heaven is for real and its such a lovely story x x x