One year old making me miserable- update

[Gym knickers]

My DD3 has been sooo challenging since the minute she was born. We had huge problems breastfeeding and i was in agony for the first 8 weeks. She was very underweight. At 9 weeks she was hospitalised for suspected meningitis which was traumatic all round. We never found out if she did. After that she started being very sick with blood in her nappies and was diagnosed with a dairy allergy. She had cried almost solidly from seven weeks to about 4 months which was when this was put forward as a reason why. I gave up all dairy and soy and continues to feed her until 1. During this time she was slightly happier but still very very demanding, crying often, not sleeping, needing to be held almost constantly. She. Is now 14 months, dairy free and utterly miserable. She cries when playing, cries before eating, during every meal, in the car, in the pram, whilst being held and whilst being changed. She wants to be picked up constantly but then cries to go down. She is jealous of any time I give her sisters and pushes them away, however- she idolises then when they are playing and copies everything they do. She struggles with constipation and is quite rashy/eczema prone but her sisters were too. Her poor sisters get no attention at all, my marriage is hanging on by a thread and I feel I am losing my mind with worry and stress. I even find myself shouting at her sometimes because the moaning get too much. I then cry ehen I see how upset she gets.
She’s developing normally- met all milestones early except talking which we are waiting for. She is very loving and laughs often between the crying. She has gone from 9th percentile to 75th in-line with her height. She is extremely busy- a climber and into everything. Her poor sisters adore her as do I but I feel like she is tearing family life apart as her misery overrides all the nice things we do. I have no time or patience for my older girls or my husband and I don’t know what to do!

 

[Eleanor ace]

A lot of what you wrote really resonates with me when I think back to my DD1 when she was little. Honestly, she was a horror. I mean I love her, I've always loved her but dear God she really tested my sanity. We didn't have issues with food intolerances but she has a medical condition which made her sick regularly at night which was worrying and affected her sleep. She didn't sleep, she didn't eat, she didn't want to be put down but also wasn't happy being held really, it was just the lesser of two evils. She hated the pushchair, she had sensory issues, she had recurrent ear infections which made her more miserable.
Now she's 4 (nearly 5) and since she was about 2.5-3 she's been soooo much better. She's my easiest child, she sleeps great, she's a happy child, she's healthy. I couldn't have imagined this 3 years ago! I really hope that this will be the case for you

 

[Gym knickers]

Thank you. That does give me some hope. It’s a very helpless feeling when they cry continuously and you don’t know why’s wrong to make it better! I’m sure when she has some speech it will be slightly easier. We are trying an elimination diet with her for the next few days to try and rest her gut and see if it makes a difference. I’m praying it does because I’m at the end of my rope! The snow not helping either as we are all stuck in together! Thanks again.

 

[broodymrs]

Hey. I hardly ever come on here anymore but had to reply to your post. My ds2 is just 1 and also has a dairy allergy. Pretty sure my first had it but wasn’t diagnosed as he screamed constantly, was an awful sleeper and was very challenging! Thankfully just having him to care for did make it easier. Now ds2 has been diagnosed as cmpa in hindsight it does seem ds1 probably had it too. Ds2 however is a lot easier going and I’m sure it’s because his diet isn’t causing issues. From what you’ve said I’d guess there’s another allergy going on there. Ds2 has several and its apparently quite common. I’m sure you know already but do you check all ingredients to make sure there’s no dairy and I take it she’s soya free as well as dairy free? If you’re not already a member search for the cmpa Facebook group as there’s loads of useful things in there. Hoping things improve for you soon.

 

[Gym knickers]

Thanks for your response. Yes she’s soya free too. I definitely try to be vigilant and I do think there’s something else going on as she’s just not normal! We are doing an elimination diet starting today as I’m suspecting wheat. We will see I suppose. I was a member of that group but not on fb now. Maybe I need to get back on it- hopefully this will make her feel better if she is in pain! Although she’s not happy today watching her sisters tucking into their toast and cereal!

 

[_Meep_]

Is she on a probiotic at all? It really helped sort out some digestive and skin issues my older daughter was having. She still has some allergies, but she is much more comfortable now I think.

 

[agse]

I am so sorry that you are going through this! You have definite reason to be overwhelmed and frustrated. That's a lot to handle! I know it's hard to stay focused, understanding and patient when so much is going wrong, but just know most likely your daughter's behavior is due to how miserable she is feeling. I know when my kids are sick, they are clingy and just want mom's attention. Mom makes them feel better and secure. If she was a healthy child, she would most likely be acting much different! Try to give her some grace and understanding. She is only 14mo and she doesn't know how to act any other way when she feels miserable! It also sounds like she may have some attatchment issues as well. Maybe she has some anxiety? I know she probably takes up much of the family focus because of what she is dealing with. You may have to make a much more deliberate action to ensure your older daughters are getting time and attention from you too. Can you plan some weekly a long time with each one of them separately? Do you have family in the area who could watch your little one while you take the older girls out to spend time with them? It also sounds like you and your husband need some one on one time together to connect and regroup. Can you plan a weekend away with just the two of you to relax and reconnect? If it's really bad in your marriage, have you considered marriage counseling? It may be helpful to know how each other is feeling and learn tools to get on the same page so you can deal with this together. I know it's tough! Hang in there! I hope all works out for you and your family!

 

[Gym knickers]

Thanks ladies for your kind responses. Yes my parents are nearby and do help. They have the two youngest whilst I am at work teaching on Thursdays and Fridays. My dad has his own business which I do the books for and it’s hard for him to be away from his laptop for too long, and my mum is really struggling with a bad back while also working so I don’t feel I can ask them for more.

Once you have more than two it gets tricky! I’d love more time one on one with the older two and need to try to make that happen. As for my marriage it’s hard as we just don’t have the time or patience for each other and snap because we are tired and stressed. My husband teaches full time and has his own business on the side also so in between all our planning, extra work, keeping on top of our house, school work for DD1 and actual work we are time poor and then when we are together DD3 is crying all the time never mind the other two who are still little at 5 and 3.

She also climbs everywhere, empties out cupboards, jumps on the dog and unravels loo roll, drops things down the loo etc so can’t take my eyes off her! We are struggling with money since moving to a bigger house so counselling or babysitters aren’t an option. I sound so moany but I’m feeling really overwhelmed atm.

She’s been referred to the hospital paediatrician again so hopefully they will look at her again. I’m going to phone the dietitian today and ask to be seen again and see if we can find out why she’s so sad. Over the past year we’ve had patches where she’s happy and it’s amazing to see who she could be if she wasn’t struggling so much.

 

[Gym knickers]

Is she on a probiotic at all? It really helped sort out some digestive and skin issues my older daughter was having. She still has some allergies, but she is much more comfortable now I think.

I’d love to try one- which would you recommend?

 

[_Meep_]

We use this - https://www.hollandandbarrett.com/s...V5pPtCh1lDQ3qEAQYASABEgJ0KvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds - but I've also heard good things about Optibac for babies/children.

We sprinkle half a teaspoon in a yoghurt or milk on cereal/in a glass daily and she doesn't even notice that it's there.

Just curious - has your LO ever been on antibiotics at all? In very little ones, it can wipe out all the good bacteria in the gut as well as the bad ones, leading to digestive issues, reflux etc. My daughter's skin and digestive problems were definitely linked, but I think by using a probiotic we've managed to put in what she didn't have for whatever reason.

We also use an incredible cream called Salcura Bioskin Junior - there is a spray and a cream you can use together or apart, but we mostly just use the outbreak cream and it's the only cream that has ever truly healed her skin when it flares up. It's quite pricey but you can generally get a tube on eBay cheaper than most other places if you are interested in giving it a try. We used to apply it at every nappy change but now she is older and using the toilet we just do it about twice a day and she hardly ever scratches now.

 

[Gym knickers]

Yes- when she was in hospital at 9 weeks she was ok very strong antibiotics through an IV as she’d had a lumbar puncture etc for the suspected meningitis. She had to return for a week to have them put in through a new IV also. I definitely noticed her symptoms worsening after that. I will definitely try the probiotic- th ask you for the link! I’ve also been advised by a friend to take her to a cranial osteopath so going to speak to DH about it later- among other things- feeling like life would be easier without him at the minute! Although I’m sure it is just stress making us the way we are it’s hard when you want to kill each other all the time!
She’s definitely been happier today two days into the elimination diet but she’s aware she’s missing out and isn’t impressed. She fell this morning backwards off a ride on and cut her mouth- lots of blood which is the last thing she needed!

 

[_Meep_]

Both mine went to a cranial osteopath soon after birth and it was great. It's the most gentle, relaxing technique and they just fell asleep, but they were very little babies at the time!

Poor little kid. The antibiotics will have definitely messed with her gut flora so it could be part of why she has such problems with her tummy. I hope the probiotic helps. It certainly won't hurt.

Hope her mouth is ok!!

 

[barbikins]

Oh hun, that is so difficult. Fussy babies are hard. I had a fussy baby for no reason I can rationalize. He didn't seem content often enough for a very long time. It's SO Hard. Your poor little one sounds uncomfortable and when you have any chronic condition, you end up miserable. This I know because I suffer from digestive disorders that have me in the dumps.
What you need, is self-care. You need to take time for yourself that is just about you. Getting back to doing something you enjoy either alone or with a friend. It's so important. I started doing this after my LO was about 1.5 years old b/c some days I felt like I could go crazy. Once she is more vocal, this will help too because she can tell you what her problem is instead of just whining or crying. My son has been better since he can vocalize but he also can be really whiny!!!!

My DD3 has been sooo challenging since the minute she was born. We had huge problems breastfeeding and i was in agony for the first 8 weeks. She was very underweight. At 9 weeks she was hospitalised for suspected meningitis which was traumatic all round. We never found out if she did. After that she started being very sick with blood in her nappies and was diagnosed with a dairy allergy. She had cried almost solidly from seven weeks to about 4 months which was when this was put forward as a reason why. I gave up all dairy and soy and continues to feed her until 1. During this time she was slightly happier but still very very demanding, crying often, not sleeping, needing to be held almost constantly. She. Is now 14 months, dairy free and utterly miserable. She cries when playing, cries before eating, during every meal, in the car, in the pram, whilst being held and whilst being changed. She wants to be picked up constantly but then cries to go down. She is jealous of any time I give her sisters and pushes them away, however- she idolises then when they are playing and copies everything they do. She struggles with constipation and is quite rashy/eczema prone but her sisters were too. Her poor sisters get no attention at all, my marriage is hanging on by a thread and I feel I am losing my mind with worry and stress. I even find myself shouting at her sometimes because the moaning get too much. I then cry ehen I see how upset she gets.
She’s developing normally- met all milestones early except talking which we are waiting for. She is very loving and laughs often between the crying. She has gone from 9th percentile to 75th in-line with her height. She is extremely busy- a climber and into everything. Her poor sisters adore her as do I but I feel like she is tearing family life apart as her misery overrides all the nice things we do. I have no time or patience for my older girls or my husband and I don’t know what to do!

 

[Gym knickers]

Thanks Barbikinz, yes I’m definitely hoping that speech will improve things. So far she’s not got any words which is frustrating as both her sisters were very early talkers and had 40 odd words by now- typical that she doesn’t! Especially as her understanding is fantastic.
We have started a probiotic and also cut out eggs and wheat to see if there’s any improvement whilst we wait for pedi/ dietitian appts. So glad to hear your LO has improved. It does give me hope! She’s actually had two good days but back to it tonight! Can’t see any rhyme or reason for it!

 

[laura109]

Bless her and bless you. Tired mummy!! Don't be hard on yourself first of all. You have dealt with a year of worry stress and feeling helpless in places. She has definitely struggled with her digestive system hasn't she. I would definitely get some advice incase there's any tests they can do to see if there's any discomfort that they can help with. Also it sounds like you do need to be reassured etc.

It's so hard when they go through a stage where you question everything. My dd is three and currently goes silent on people and is really difficult to bring around. Taking her places is so stressful as I know she most likely won't talk! Being around clingy children can be so draining on us. It's OK for you to need a break. I'm not sure if anyone can help. For us it's a struggle to get any support but you and your partner sound like you need and deserve a day yo yourselves or a night if the helps there. I also understand the struggle of trying to keep the relationship with your partner going under the stress and demand of raising little people. It's hard to even have a cuddle and a chat and it can easily end up that you just put that bit last as you have to always put the kids first. I don't really have much advice but it won't be forever and a trip to the gp or health visitor is worth a go. Just incase they have some good tips for your little girl. Wish you the best and it will get better xx

 

[Gym knickers]

Thanks Laura for your reply. I hope your little one finds her confidence again soon- my eldest did something similar when she was around two although not to the same degree as your DD and it was hard! So I really feel for you. If it helps, she’ll talk to anyone now!!

Updating on my littlest one Isla: she’s currently dairy, egg, soya and wheat free and taking the probiotic that Meep recommended. She’s also on a daily dose of Movical... she’s currently unrecognisable from the baby I posted about. She’s literally laughed and smiled for 3-4 days, barely cried, slept and PLAYED! I’m so so happy for her that she seems to be so comfortable. She’s not cried whilst going to the toilet either. Her skin does seem to look slightly less itchy and scaly too but she’s still scratching her legs. My parents cannot believe the difference in her as they’ve previously said that they don’t think it’s diet but now totally amazed by how different she is. It’s so lovely but also sad thinking that maybe she could have been like this underneath all the misery for so long. My poor girl.

The only difficulty is wondering which thing it is making the most difference. Will have to trial them but dint want to hurt her tummy so keeping them all up until we see the dietitian. I’ll keep this thread updated for anyone going through similar.

 

[Gym knickers]

A lot of what you wrote really resonates with me when I think back to my DD1 when she was little. Honestly, she was a horror. I mean I love her, I've always loved her but dear God she really tested my sanity. We didn't have issues with food intolerances but she has a medical condition which made her sick regularly at night which was worrying and affected her sleep. She didn't sleep, she didn't eat, she didn't want to be put down but also wasn't happy being held really, it was just the lesser of two evils. She hated the pushchair, she had sensory issues, she had recurrent ear infections which made her more miserable.
Now she's 4 (nearly 5) and since she was about 2.5-3 she's been soooo much better. She's my easiest child, she sleeps great, she's a happy child, she's healthy. I couldn't have imagined this 3 years ago! I really hope that this will be the case for you

Sounds like your little one (and you!) had it so rough! I’m so glad she’s better now and so happy!

 

[_Meep_]

Fabulous news! I hope you can pinpoint whatever it is that has been the saviour and keep that up. Obviously something really was going on with her and she wasn't just a naturally grumpy baby. You can maybe reintroduce foods gradually in time to see if one is a trigger. I'd imagine being able to poop easier has helped a lot though as it's awful when you can't go. And again, if you ever need a cream that can truly heal her skin, Salcura Bioskin Junior Outbreak is incredible, though it can sting at first when the skin is still raw. We also put our toddler in ScratchSleeves for a time at night too - she didn't like it, but they did the trick in terms of breaking the cycle.

 

[CRWx]

Glad your LO is so much happier

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm so glad things have improved and your LO is happier now