Only 'allowed' 8 hours to labour?

[indigo_fairy]

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[PeanutBean]

So sorry about your shit time, I'd be angry too. I don't know a lot about vbac other than that there is an awful lot of scaremongering. I am sure others on here will be able to offer guidance about hbac.

As for the 8 hours, well that sounds ridiculous. I was given 18 last time because my waters had gone (mythical policy but that's another story). That was enough to stress me and that combined with having to go in led to a 35 hour assisted birth with NO complications and which shouldn't have happened. I would definitely just not tell them you're in labour - that's my plan if my waters go again. You can keep monitoring yourself and just get on with labouring. Why let them interfere unnecessarily?

I'm so cross for us women being treated like this. Like hunks of flesh for the prodding and cutting and pushing around.

 

[Bournefree]

Oh dear, what are we going to do with these consultants using the A word?!! Some of them just don’t understand the importance of language and how it is damaging, legally incorrect, and disempowering to women and families. It is making them feel as though they don’t have choices!

And what on earth are they talking about baby being the wrong position, and not offering different maternal positions?! It just beggers belief! The only physiological reason there should be for a failure to progress is Pelvis-cephalic disproportion (I.e babies head or body is too big to pass through the pelvis) You can have a normal breach, OR back to back, and transverse lie babies usually with uterine pressure find the right way to be (admittedly this takes longer, and is generally more intense on mum). Your current pregnancy is totally individual to your previous - your baby is very unlikely to be in the same position again!.. And as you have learnt, even if it is there are numerous things that can be done without prepping for theatre, if you and baby are not becoming distressed.

We know that if you are going into hospital to have your baby, you will be under the clock and pressure to birth in their “policy” time-frame - which is just bonkers! Of course you can always refuse all interventions.. Hey no one is even ALLOWED to touch you (this is where WE should be using this word), without your permission!!! But the pressure will be substantial, and it is hard to be relaxed if you are having to refuse and being offered interventions and constant monitoring all the time. I have my own opinions on how damaging constant monitoring is anyways.

Your MW sounds brilliant.. I have found that some consultants just don’t understand normal birth - afterall most of them don’t get to even see it! Their day to day is emergencies, (which are routine to them) and they are inclined in this environment to think that everything is emergent.. And requires there radical input!

It is YOUR decision, but as you have asked what I would do - I would plan a home birth and then you will have better 1 to 1 care with your MW and then you can always transfer if you want to. This gives you the best chance for you and your baby of having a normal labour and birth.

XxX

 

[Linzi]

I don't really know much about this hun but 8 hours does sound a bit silly :/ I don't know a lot of people who labour under that... sounds like they're trying to put obstacles there for you...

hope someone else can help better

xxx

 

[indigo_fairy]

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[PeanutBean]

I doubt you'll be able to turn your mum around but I agree your friend should be supportive or not there. She could be worked on though. Perhaps you could share some good homebirth books with her that explore the myths, the risks (on both sides), the evidence etc? If she still won't come round then the last thing you need is someone at your birth who is afraid passing that fear on to you.

 

[Bournefree]

I think a Doula could be a wonderful idea for you - as you say, you will have another experienced person there who will support you, even if you decide to transfer.

I also agree wth PB.. if you feel your friend can't be fully supportive, it is better she isn't there. Anyone who is there to support any women.. should leave all there own birth baggage at the door and be there 100% for you and what YOU want. (at the risk of sounding a bit hippy) You need to create a nest of support, positivity and security.

Have a read of Homebirth by Nicky Wesson - it is really good about giving advice on all types of difficulties that women have encountered with their HB choices, and offered sound research based evidence and support.
Xxx

 

[NaturalMomma]

8 hours it completely silly. Women take different amounts of time, we're all different. Where I come from a normal first time labor is 24 hours, a normal second time labor is 20 hours, etc. My first labor was 27 hours and my second labor was 24 hours 50 minutes. I don't think if I had even 6 kids that I could make that 8 hour time limit.

 

[Jenniflower]

Oh hun I'm sorry you had such a horrible time with the consultant. I think it's horrible that they just truly are not educated enough to speak to women about the pros and cons. It's all about the cons to them!

I don't have much experience in the VBAC thing, but of all the women I've seen pass through here and of the things I've read about on homebirth.org and aims.org I've never seen a time limit set like that! Me thinks he didn't have his coffee that morning.

When I was right about where you are on your weeks I kept going back and forth between a Doula and Hypnobirthing. We only had the money to do one or the other and decided Hypnobirthing in the end, I'll say that was the most amazing thing more so for hubby than for me. I feel 100% confident I won't need a Doula because he'll be my advocate. He's already told his mom a few times to shut up (in a nice way) because she kept trying to scare me with stories. I mention this because I was allowed to bring 2 people with me if I wanted and thought maybe this would be another option for you if you wanted to do these classes with your OH and your friend. I can understand really wanting her there but if she's not confident in birthing I would have to agree with the girls and say it would be worse off having her there. But I also understand she's your best friend and how much it would mean to you to have her there. So thought I would throw in something else to fry your brain! lol

If it were me personally I would book a homebirth so that I'm not "on the clock" so to speak. Your midwife sounds great that she supports it, but even to me it's not so much a "If you don't make it in" kind of thing because it should be booked ahead of time and you shouldn't feel like you need to hide anything. It is YOUR right to birth where ever, and if that means at home because you're more comfortable then so be it.

 

[lozzy21]

https://www.homebirth.org.uk/

Have a look on there hun, will give you some ideas for arguing your case.

 

[indigo_fairy]

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[Jenniflower]

I am due soon! It's crazy! hahaha. I hope your friend does surprise you though. I know my MiL has, though I don't know if she's agreeing with everything just to be apart of it or not but the point is she seems excited. Though DH and I are both in agreement that if on the day she's being her usual self she's getting kicked out. But in a nice way we'll say "We didn't expect this but we'd rather it just be the two of us" Voila! problem solved, hahaha.

 

[rachiedata]

Of course you're going to "get it right"... it's the hospital environment and your consultants attitude that makes you think there's any possibility of getting it wrong! If you have your baby how you think best and stay true to your plans, then there is nothing you will regret when your baby is in your arms.

Best plan is, since you have such a supportive hubby, get him as clued up about it as you are. Have him read all the websites, books, go into every detail with him and train him up to be your little rottweiler, so should any situations where there is pressure on you to do one thing or another arise (from mum, hospital, midwife or anyone), he can make sure you are "allowed" to stick to your plan.

Bournefree makes such a good point, consultants never see a normal homebirth! If I have any contact with a hospital doctor, now I'm getting onto the home straight with my pregnancy, I think I'll invite them round to have a look when I'm in labour!