OT but need advice and to vent

[Armywife]

Oh sweetie i so feel for you! I have no advice other than to second the wonderful words of wisdom given to you already by these ladies. I just wanted to pass on massive and to let you know we're always here if you need to vent. So sorry you're going through this xx

 

[stickylizard]

The only advice I have is that communication is always best. My OH is EXACTLY the same, he doesn't express anything except frustration and it can be really hard as I'm sure you know. When he won't have a conversation with me I send him a long Facebook inbox message explaining my feelings. I'm expert at being diplomatic now. You need to make sure with men like this that you don't accuse them of anything or put them down. Use the words "I feel" not "you make me feel" because that just pisses them off further. And if you just say how you feel, he can't argue with it.

Sometimes he replies back, sometimes things just go quiet, which is ultimately better because I know he's taken some of it in.

The thing is hun, men are dumb. Insensitive. Selfish. By nature. And they forget that women and indeed other people have feelings at the best of times, but when you're pregnant they don't get it. My mum said join and antenatal group then my OH can meet other dads and grow up a bit!

I know the writing thing sounds petty but it works for me. He preoccupied with her which is terrible but I can see he maybe be stressed with her moving as well, and dick as he may be at times, he probably wants best for his son and baby-to-be. You need to make sure he knows you do understand that and that you just want to help but as a couple you need to work together to do that or there will be a war of attrition between both of you guys, hurt parties.

Sorry to ramble on... I just have a LOT of experience with standoffish men!

I hope I was a little help. I understand how hard this must be for you and I'm not condoning anything he has done or said, especially f**k the baby and you, that's unforgiveable and for that you CAN tell him and not pussyfoot. When my OH is bang out of order I tell him I'm carrying his child and it's damn hard and I do all the housework and that he should show me some damn respect.

So... be diplomatic but stand your grand when he is being a dick.

Sorry to have rambled.xxx

 

[smokey01]

Thanks girls, well a bit of an update, she's been here a week and we haven't seen her only the little boy, he called mon but we weren't in and we saw him for short periods on tues, weds and thurs. It turns out that my OH is tamping but he won't show me, he told his friend who I get on with who told me when I told him guess who's moved in across the road..argh why couldn't he just have told me how he felt!

Anyway I've managed to get a few things out of him such as he's worried about him living there because the boy has told him he doesn't like it there and he's worried because the lights are on at all hours so he's obviously watching what's going on. He did say that I could give half for his xmas pressie this year to which I replied I don't think so because if you remember you told me the child is nothing to do with me so I won't be giving anything, if I do it will be a small present, I think he was suprised because he backtracked very quickly and said he meant that she was nothing to do with me!!

But I'm having the house valued on mon and got a viewing on another house on tues just so if anything does happen I have an idea of what my position is!

Oh well wish me luck and hopefully it will stay as quiet as it has been!

Thanks everyone xx

 

[Mirrie]

Hope things work out 4ya hunni xx